Venting Im in a fucking crisis but i have no way to end it

[whotookmylexapro]

I hate this feeling so much
My (severe) OCD has gotten extremely bad this past spring break and i dont want to go back to my normal life in a state like this.
Ive already wanted to end it all and i definitely want to now but i have nothing go about doing it.
I feel like im being crushed between to walls closing in on me but i still dont die
There's no use in going to the hospital. All they will do is lock me in a room with nothing to do (which will make my intrusive thoughts will get worse)
Ive tried every treatment available for OCD that doesn't involve getting a lobotomy or frying my brain with electricity and nothing has worked.
I wish i could just get out of this nightmare.
I dont care if my family loves me. I dont care if i "have a bright future." I literally dont fucking care about anything. Not even a million dollars would make me want to live. I want these thoughts gone. I want to neutralize them. Nothing is going to solve that except death.

I am thinking of going to a shooting range and ending it but the only thing keeping me from doing it is the possibility of surviving. I have not used a gun in a long time and i could miss the important parts that need to get hit.

 

[brokeandbroken]

I hate this feeling so much
My (severe) OCD has gotten extremely bad this past spring break and i dont want to go back to my normal life in a state like this.
Ive already wanted to end it all and i definitely want to now but i have nothing go about doing it.
I feel like im being crushed between to walls closing in on me but i still dont die
There's no use in going to the hospital. All they will do is lock me in a room with nothing to do (which will make my intrusive thoughts will get worse)
Ive tried every treatment available for OCD that doesn't involve getting a lobotomy or frying my brain with electricity and nothing has worked.
I wish i could just get out of this nightmare.
I dont care if my family loves me. I dont care if i "have a bright future." I literally dont fucking care about anything. Not even a million dollars would make me want to live. I want these thoughts gone. I want to neutralize them. Nothing is going to solve that except death.

I am thinking of going to a shooting range and ending it but the only thing keeping me from doing it is the possibility of surviving. I have not used a gun in a long time and i could miss the important parts that need to get hit.

Look I don't know if this will help. But starting tomorrow or the day after you read this. Try setting aside 30 minutes for your ocd. For those 30 minutes it can dominate your life. It is your ocd time. After those 30 minutes the time is now yours. Whenever anything comes you have it scheduled in for your ocd time. You know everyday you will have those 30 minutes. So if something comes up it has to wait. Hopefully this helps you.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand just wanting to be free from it all, it's just so dreadful to me how there isn't the option to just simply cease existing in peace and be free from this existence, it feels so cruel to me how it's so difficult to just be gone. But anyway I wish you the best, I hope you find peace.

 

[elkheart]

OCD completely rules my life and it is a living torturous hell. I really feel for you and wish I could take both of our OCD away forever. I am so familiar with the non-stop pain, people who haven't experienced it don't understand. I'm sorry that you understand, but I'm also grateful to not feel so alone in this never-ending loop. SUPER valid reason to want to CTB.

 

[divinemistress36]