Venting I'm gonna kill myself

[idkwhatnametoputher]

I'm planning on overdosing on heroin and benzos next week(when it arrives), It's my first time doing heroin and I'll prolly boof it lol bc idk if it's possible to inject 2g with a 1ml syringe. My only friend said she will leave me if I try to kill myself so I lied to her that I won't. The reason I want to do this is because I lost my gf, all my friends, my life lol, all but ALL my money, I dropped out of school 3-4 years ago because of my unmedicated adhd and because my teachers were fucking humiliating me in front of the class, I don't have a future(or maybe on streets), the country where I live in(east european) mental health problems are considered a joke, I'm hunted for 2 loans I can't afford to pay, I have brain damage from 2 failed MDMA overdoses(I have difficulties talking, I have random tremours, I'm always confused, I see pixels and patterns on curtains/floor/walls, I have problems with my short-term memory), my social anxiety makes me stay in home all day and my problems are literally endless, I can't imagine how it could get worse then this but I know for sure it won't get better. I'm sorry if what I wrote has no sense but I'm drunk lol, also my brain is fucked and I'm a vegetable. I'm writing this because I feel the need to talk and write shit and I can't say this to my friend or therapist(cuz he will prevent me from doing it).

 

[ifonlyiknew]

hi, i'm also eastern european. i feel you. and i'm sorry the way life treated you. hope you find peace

 

[absolomonisgone]

try this music on earphnes on full volume...., then tell me what you think
try it. just try. full earphones speakers.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrible what you have to go through, this world is undeniably such a hellish place. But anyway I hope that you find the freedom from your suffering that you wish for.

 

[Holu]

I'm sorry for whatever circumstance brought you to this. Hopefully you death is painless and goes smoothly. I'm sure there are people you could ask and talk to who could guarantee that you don't boof your attempt. Regardless I believe in you.

Please take care and go into peace. You struggled hard, and made it farther than most. Take care and farewell <3

That sounds really horrible what you have to go through, this world is undeniably such a hellish place. But anyway I hope that you find the freedom from your suffering that you wish for.

Not a laughing matter but I initially thought your "that sounds really horrible" was in reference to the dudes music above