I'm going to end it on Wednesday (25th May)

[Fengshuiside]

I am so tired.

I've been living on borrowed time for 5 years now. It's time to go. =)

I will hang myself (FS/Short Drop) on Wednesday, 25th of May.

I'm very glad that I found this website, because it was hard to find. Thanks to you I found critical information and resources that I otherwise probably wouldn't have found. Now I don't need stress about failing because I know what I'm doing.

I'm starting to run out of money and I'm so tired that I might off myself earlier. I'm postponing it because I want to see some of my friends for the last time.

I've been drinking beer and abusing a lot of drugs and medications every day this whole past month. I'm so tired that I would've called it quits 3 weeks ago already, but I've been using substances to keep me going just a little longer to finish some things. I know I'll be dead soon anyways so I don't care. (I'm not saying this to boast or to look cool or to seek pity. I'm just reporting what my situation is and what's up). Please don't follow my example, especially if you're not 110% sure that you'll CTB. Just be careful and do your research. Being suicidal is one thing, but being suicidal and fucking up your brain with drug abuse is something you'll regret.

But other than that, I have a smile on my face. =)

For some reason, the thought of kicking the chair with the rope tied around my neck soothes me. Somehow I can feel the rope attracting me. It's like a friend who I know will be there loyally waiting for me, ready to support me when I'm going to need it. In my head it feels like this it's an act of love and compassion towards myself. I'm not really afraid. In fact I feel a little excited and ecstatic about it, because for the past 5 years it's been inevitable and should've already been done, but finally I'm doing it. >:)

It just feels great because you know you have no other option but to do it.

Hanging isn't ideal but it's better than continuing life. Whatever happens can't be much worse than what I've already been through in life.

I'll be taking xanax, beer and oxycodone to put me in a little bit better mood and make the process a little bit more peaceful.

I don't want to do it, I just have to. Sucks, but it can't be helped at this point. I am not doing it for light reasons.

It's unfortunate for my family but shit happens. Life in itself doesn't owe you anything. Life is and will always be uncertain and unpredictable.

It was a short visit on these forums, but I appreciate everyone who I got to have a conversation with here.

Besides doing some MDMA and seeing and hugging some of my friends for the last time, there's nothing more that I wish to do with my life.

I'll keep you updated if I anything interesting happens or I get some thoughts I want to share before the final day.

I might explain my actual reasons and a little bit about my background later on when I'm going to do it.

Thanks everyone for helping me out planning it and making me feel less alone with my struggle.

I don't want any pity, I wish that you celebrate with me. It's going to be beautiful. It isn't sad, it's just life :)

 

[LeavingEarly]

I tried to hang myself a few years ago. I wish I was successful. I am afraid to die.
Good luck to you

 

[outrider567]

I am so tired.

I've been living on borrowed time for 5 years now. It's time to go. =)

I will hang myself (FS/Short Drop) on Wednesday, 25th of May.

I'm very glad that I found this website, because it was hard to find. Thanks to you I found critical information and resources that I otherwise probably wouldn't have found. Now I don't need stress about failing because I know what I'm doing.

I'm starting to run out of money and I'm so tired that I might off myself earlier. I'm postponing it because I want to see some of my friends for the last time.

I've been drinking beer and abusing a lot of drugs and medications every day this whole past month. I'm so tired that I would've called it quits 3 weeks ago already, but I've been using substances to keep me going just a little longer to finish some things. I know I'll be dead soon anyways so I don't care. (I'm not saying this to boast or to look cool or to seek pity. I'm just reporting what my situation is and what's up). Please don't follow my example, especially if you're not 110% sure that you'll CTB. Just be careful and do your research. Being suicidal is one thing, but being suicidal and fucking up your brain with drug abuse is something you'll regret.

But other than that, I have a smile on my face. =)

For some reason, the thought of kicking that chair with the rope around my neck soothes me. I somehow feel the rope calling me, it's like a friend that I know will be there waiting for me when I need it. In my head it feels like it's an act of love and compassion towards myself. I'm not really afraid. In fact I feel a little excited and ecstatic about it, because for the past 5 years it's been inevitable and should've already been done, but finally I'm doing it. >:)

Hanging isn't ideal but it's better than continuing life. Whatever happens can't be much worse than what I've already been through in life.

I'll be taking xanax, beer and oxycodone to put me in a little bit better mood and make the process a little bit more peaceful.

I don't want to do it, I just have to. Sucks, but it can't be helped at this point. I am not doing it for light reasons.

It's unfortunate for my family but shit happens. Life in itself doesn't owe you anything. Life is and will always be uncertain and unpredictable.

It was a short visit on these forums, but I appreciate everyone who I got to have a conversation with here.

Besides doing some MDMA and seeing and hugging some of my friends for the last time, there's nothing more that I wish to do with my life.

I'll keep you updated if I anything interesting happens or I get some thoughts I want to share before the final day.

I might explain my actual reasons and a little bit about my background later on when I'm going to do it.

Thanks everyone for helping me out planning it and making me feel less alone with my struggle.

I don't want any pity, I wish that you celebrate with me. It's going to be beautiful. It isn't sad, it's just

I am so tired.

I've been living on borrowed time for 5 years now. It's time to go. =)

I will hang myself (FS/Short Drop) on Wednesday, 25th of May.

I'm very glad that I found this website, because it was hard to find. Thanks to you I found critical information and resources that I otherwise probably wouldn't have found. Now I don't need stress about failing because I know what I'm doing.

I'm starting to run out of money and I'm so tired that I might off myself earlier. I'm postponing it because I want to see some of my friends for the last time.

I've been drinking beer and abusing a lot of drugs and medications every day this whole past month. I'm so tired that I would've called it quits 3 weeks ago already, but I've been using substances to keep me going just a little longer to finish some things. I know I'll be dead soon anyways so I don't care. (I'm not saying this to boast or to look cool or to seek pity. I'm just reporting what my situation is and what's up). Please don't follow my example, especially if you're not 110% sure that you'll CTB. Just be careful and do your research. Being suicidal is one thing, but being suicidal and fucking up your brain with drug abuse is something you'll regret.

But other than that, I have a smile on my face. =)

For some reason, the thought of kicking that chair with the rope around my neck soothes me. I somehow feel the rope calling me, it's like a friend that I know will be there waiting for me when I need it. In my head it feels like it's an act of love and compassion towards myself. I'm not really afraid. In fact I feel a little excited and ecstatic about it, because for the past 5 years it's been inevitable and should've already been done, but finally I'm doing it. >:)

Hanging isn't ideal but it's better than continuing life. Whatever happens can't be much worse than what I've already been through in life.

I'll be taking xanax, beer and oxycodone to put me in a little bit better mood and make the process a little bit more peaceful.

I don't want to do it, I just have to. Sucks, but it can't be helped at this point. I am not doing it for light reasons.

It's unfortunate for my family but shit happens. Life in itself doesn't owe you anything. Life is and will always be uncertain and unpredictable.

It was a short visit on these forums, but I appreciate everyone who I got to have a conversation with here.

Besides doing some MDMA and seeing and hugging some of my friends for the last time, there's nothing more that I wish to do with my life.

I'll keep you updated if I anything interesting happens or I get some thoughts I want to share before the final day.

I might explain my actual reasons and a little bit about my background later on when I'm going to do it.

Thanks everyone for helping me out planning it and making me feel less alone with my struggle.

I don't want any pity, I wish that you celebrate with me. It's going to be beautiful. It isn't sad, it's just life :)

'Isn't ideal but its better than continuing life' amen to that, my life has been turned upside down and I see CTB as the only solution for me also

 

[Fengshuiside]

I tried to hang myself a few years ago. I wish I was successful. I am afraid to die.
Good luck to you

I'm sorry to hear that. Thanks

-----

I was supposed to preview my post, but I'm drunk so I accidentally posted it so I edited it quite a lot.

'Isn't ideal but its better than continuing life' amen to that, my life has been turned upside down and I see CTB as the only solution for me also

I wish you luck my friend.

 

[Fengshuiside]

Oh fuck.

Somehow I feel something first time in 4 years after i took some xanax. I'm just crying and feel very sad listening to Linkin Park. Tols my friends I'm not well. I hate this because this makes me understand how much I'm going to hurt all my friends and family.

Life's tough man.

 

[hopelessdreams]

Oh fuck.

Somehow I feel something first time in 4 years after i took some xanax. I'm just crying and feel very sad listening to Linkin Park. Tols my friends I'm not well. I hate this because this makes me understand how much I'm going to hurt all my friends and family.

Life's tough man.

the brain can't comprehend knowing that it'll die soon. whatever you're feeling, don't feel pressured to do anything if you're not 110% sure anymore. i know you've said that your circumstances are tough and that you have to do it, but we're here for you if you decide to stay a little longer <3

 

[pikku.tiikeri]

I'm sorry life has caused you so much suffering and brought you to this. I hope you find peace.

 

[Imissyoumydarling]

I think you have a very beautiful mind, and that shows here. I love your concern for others and how apparent that is. I love your calmness and acceptance, and how you acknowledge different strokes for different folks. I love that you've done research so even just reading this I feel reassured that I don't need to fuss too much over you (like I do with some other users who aren't as certain or prepared).

I don't know you my love, and we haven't met, but I want you to know that I love your mind.

Oh fuck.

Somehow I feel something first time in 4 years after i took some xanax. I'm just crying and feel very sad listening to Linkin Park. Tols my friends I'm not well. I hate this because this makes me understand how much I'm going to hurt all my friends and family.

Life's tough man.

Sending hugs. You can always postpone a little longer (although I know you've already been postponing) if it helps you feel more at ease. There's no need to go when one feels bad, even if it means waiting a few more hours or days until it's right.

 

[M.i.245541]

Can you share more about the method? That will be my method of choice when the times comes

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish that I felt calm about hanging. It must be a relief to feel the way that you feel about your method. I do not see death as being sad at all, as it is inevitable for all of us anyway. The thought of no longer existing does comfort me a lot. I hope that you find relief from your suffering in whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[Fengshuiside]

I think you have a very beautiful mind, and that shows here. I love your concern for others and how apparent that is. I love your calmness and acceptance, and how you acknowledge different strokes for different folks. I love that you've done research so even just reading this I feel reassured that I don't need to fuss too much over you (like I do with some other users who aren't as certain or prepared).

I don't know you my love, and we haven't met, but I want you to know that I love your mind.

Sending hugs. You can always postpone a little longer (although I know you've already been postponing) if it helps you feel more at ease. There's no need to go when one feels bad, even if it means waiting a few more hours or days until it's right.

Thank you for your kind words, I do hear that often. It really sucks things turned out like this for me. I have so many great and real people that I'm going to have to leave behind :/ I mean I used to be very emotional and empathetic, nowadays I'm just the opposite. I can't feel at all. But I'm still not malevolent or cruel either, I try to be kind and respectful to people.


-------------------------------


I promised to keep you updated. I'm not proud but here we go.

There's a cute girl and we were into each other at 5th grade, but both were so shy and insecure it never became anything. Well I've been quite close friends with her for some 5-6 years now, and we did MDMA on friday together. Either I've been reading it wrong, but she's given some signals for a while that she's a bit interested in me still. And I think she is but I'm friendzoned : D

So well, we were kissing. hugging and cuddling through the night. When the M started to comedown and people went back home I asked her if I could sleep with her at her place. Well then she told she had promised some other guy earlier that he'd sleep at her place, most likely to bang her. It's just hilarious how everything never works out for me :D I mean I'm not whining, at least I got to feel some warmth and a little intimacy, it's all good. But fuck me man, and she's single as well.

But as you may imagine, when I thought she was actually into me and wanted something more, I got this huge slap in the face, right as I was coming down on M. I just got pissed off and after everyone left I just didn't care at all and started downing all the pills I found. I got very messed up and went outside and did something sort of hilarious, but dumb and illegal that I don't want to share here. Nothing harmful but anyways.

I had taken 50mg of Oxy, 6mg xanax and booze, and I was ready to take 40mg more of oxies and more xans, but I passed out right before I was going to take them. If my friend didn't happen to come at my place 20 minutes right after I passed out and wake me up, I might've stopped breathing that morning.

Understandably, all my friends got angry with me about it because I've been so heavy on drugs the past months, and way before that. I got a little pissed off by it cuz they had no clue how much pain I've been in. I had never talked to them about my past or how I feel daily, so I explained my whole life and current situation to them, so they'd have a little understanding why I'm acting this way and why I've always been acting so self destructive. Then I accidentally revealed to them the fact that I'm going to end my life. So now all my friends know and are quite messed about it. After hearing me out though, most understood me, but I really made them sad.

It's just tough man. Like I said, only drugs are currently keeping me alive, and each day I can feel in my body and mind that it's time to go very soon. I'm not sure yet whether I'll do it tomorrow or try to keep myself going until Sunday to spend my final moments with my friends. I'm out of money soon and can't find any place that loans me any because I'm unemployed.

So yeah I don't know. Things really are so messy now, but it is what it is. Again I'm not trying to boast about the drug abuse, it's stupid. But it's what I've been pondering. Do my friends wish me to finally get peace, or would my death hurt them so much that they'd rather see me slowly destroy myself with drugs just so I'd still be alive? I don't want to hurt them anymore than I have.

the brain can't comprehend knowing that it'll die soon. whatever you're feeling, don't feel pressured to do anything if you're not 110% sure anymore. i know you've said that your circumstances are tough and that you have to do it, but we're here for you if you decide to stay a little longer <3

Nah don't worry bro it lasted 5 minutes. I haven't felt anything for 5 years now, I'm back to my emotionless self again. This is where it gets difficult, I know me slowly destroying and killing myself will hurt my friends and make them sad and cry, but I can't comprehend/internalize it. I know their pain, but I can't feel it., it doesn't affect me much. There's nothing to stop me. I mean I don't want to do it but it really isn't hard when I'm like this 24/7. My death would feel more like unplugging a TV than a living being dying.

 

[Fengshuiside]

Can you share more about the method? That will be my method of choice when the times comes

I have a nice little warehouse on my yard that's just high enough so that I can neatly stand on a chair, kick it and go with flow.

I'm using snuggle hitch knot on the roof and slipknot on the other end. I just added an extra knot on the slipknot's end, so there's no way its opening.

I'm using 12mm polypopylene rope that can hold 1910kg.

I'll post a picture later of the actual set up. I've been having that strong temptation to end it today. We'll see what'll happen.

 

[hopelessdreams]

Nah don't worry bro it lasted 5 minutes. I haven't felt anything for 5 years now, I'm back to my emotionless self again. This is where it gets difficult, I know me slowly destroying and killing myself will hurt my friends and make them sad and cry, but I can't comprehend/internalize it. I know their pain, but I can't feel it., it doesn't affect me much. There's nothing to stop me. I mean I don't want to do it but it really isn't hard when I'm like this 24/7. My death would feel more like unplugging a TV than a living being dying.

wow man, i'm really sorry. it's heartbreaking hearing your story.with the short conversation that we had, i could already tell what a kind of a human being you are. it sucks that your circumstances have brought you to this, and i wish i could do something about it, but i know i can't.

take care my friend, i hope you're at peace with your decision. i will miss you.

 

[Fengshuiside]

wow man, i'm really sorry. it's heartbreaking hearing your story.with the short conversation that we had, i could already tell what a kind of a human being you are. it sucks that your circumstances have brought you to this, and i wish i could do something about it, but i know i can't.

take care my friend, i hope you're at peace with your decision. i will miss you.

You too. It really sucks I've always been this way, isolating myself from my friends cuz I've been in so dark places. Having so beautiful friends around me and I can't fix it. My friends understand but I still have been quite undependable because I can't even help myself. My friends have had to watch me go insane and destroying myself for the past 5 years, not being able to do anything to help me. Only I can help myself and I've been my worst enemy since I was born. That's why I tried to push people away and not get too close I knew I was gonna CTB inevitably when I was like 6, I just had a gut feeling. Now after all the things I made them cry. Of course I brought them joy too but I really wish I could just reverse this condition I'm in damn. It so fucking awful that I'm breaking so many hearts but I can't live like this anymore. Tough world.

There's so many things I'd like to do an improve on in life, but each day I regret more and wake up more disappointed.

----

Nah I don't think I'm doing it tonight I got some sedatives to chill me out, been up for 2 days. Unless I wake up at like 2-4am I'll reconsider.

 

[anthony97]

I am so tired.

I've been living on borrowed time for 5 years now. It's time to go. =)

I will hang myself (FS/Short Drop) on Wednesday, 25th of May.

I'm very glad that I found this website, because it was hard to find. Thanks to you I found critical information and resources that I otherwise probably wouldn't have found. Now I don't need stress about failing because I know what I'm doing.

I'm starting to run out of money and I'm so tired that I might off myself earlier. I'm postponing it because I want to see some of my friends for the last time.

I've been drinking beer and abusing a lot of drugs and medications every day this whole past month. I'm so tired that I would've called it quits 3 weeks ago already, but I've been using substances to keep me going just a little longer to finish some things. I know I'll be dead soon anyways so I don't care. (I'm not saying this to boast or to look cool or to seek pity. I'm just reporting what my situation is and what's up). Please don't follow my example, especially if you're not 110% sure that you'll CTB. Just be careful and do your research. Being suicidal is one thing, but being suicidal and fucking up your brain with drug abuse is something you'll regret.

But other than that, I have a smile on my face. =)

For some reason, the thought of kicking the chair with the rope tied around my neck soothes me. Somehow I can feel the rope attracting me. It's like a friend who I know will be there loyally waiting for me, ready to support me when I'm going to need it. In my head it feels like this it's an act of love and compassion towards myself. I'm not really afraid. In fact I feel a little excited and ecstatic about it, because for the past 5 years it's been inevitable and should've already been done, but finally I'm doing it. >:)

It just feels great because you know you have no other option but to do it.

Hanging isn't ideal but it's better than continuing life. Whatever happens can't be much worse than what I've already been through in life.

I'll be taking xanax, beer and oxycodone to put me in a little bit better mood and make the process a little bit more peaceful.

I don't want to do it, I just have to. Sucks, but it can't be helped at this point. I am not doing it for light reasons.

It's unfortunate for my family but shit happens. Life in itself doesn't owe you anything. Life is and will always be uncertain and unpredictable.

It was a short visit on these forums, but I appreciate everyone who I got to have a conversation with here.

Besides doing some MDMA and seeing and hugging some of my friends for the last time, there's nothing more that I wish to do with my life.

I'll keep you updated if I anything interesting happens or I get some thoughts I want to share before the final day.

I might explain my actual reasons and a little bit about my background later on when I'm going to do it.

Thanks everyone for helping me out planning it and making me feel less alone with my struggle.

I don't want any pity, I wish that you celebrate with me. It's going to be beautiful. It isn't sad, it's just life :)

Wishing you peace on your journey, I think I'm almost where you are too. Just giving it some more thought

 

[September5th]

The day you'll finally be at peace is almost here. I know it sucks. I mean, I would rather be happy again than die. I would rather be at peace with myself, while in a road trip or something. However, sometimes, all hope is lost.
I wish you well. Good luck and relax.

 

[Fengshuiside]

Sorry to disappoint, but I'll be delaying it >:(

I was so certain that I would do it today. I didn't delay it because of fear, but because I met a guy who I connected very deeply with immediately about 2 weeks ago. We come from two a bit similar but very different worlds. He's been though a very rough life, but I could sense straight away that despite his past he's a kind-hearted and a real person. I don't judge people from their past actions and life, because what matters to me is how they are and act in the present moment. Each time we met I treated him with respect and same with him.

A lot people in my life have been fake, left me or went into different groups. Due to my low social status and own substance abuse, the people around me have consisted of junkies and twisted people, many of them trying to manipulate or use me. I'm a personally philosophical and a deep thinker. I think about life and things a lot, whereas the group of friends I ended up with weren't very interested in what I say. Substance abuse was our main, often only connection. I have some other good dear friends but we have grown a little apart and see only occasionally.

But with this guy, we just clicked so quickly that it's weird. We had only met twice before shortly. Then I just randomly stumbled upon him on a weekend night outside. We greeted and since both of us had no plans I invited him to my place. We listened to some music and freestyled(rap) as both do that. I realized he's a very deep thinker as well and on the same wavelength with me. We talked a lot and had very deep discussions about life and all kinds of things because we had interest in so many similar things and also share similar views of society. We had a long and a great night.

We've been hanging together many times since, just hanging out and went skateboarding today which I haven't been doing in over a year now and chilled out. I've only a few people that I can just hang out with carefree and enjoy the time with them without being bored or feeling awkward. He's become one of my friends already.

So my the post and title have became false now. But he's getting incarcerated soon unfortunately, not sure when. It doesn't suck that much though that I'll not be able to hang out with him soon for years, because I still don't think I'm going to postpone my CBT more than 3 weeks from now anyways. For now I just really wanna chill out with this guy as much as we can and have a good time.

My next guess is that my suitesite is going happen around the 6th of May since I'm going to get some money in the beginning of next month and have likely spent it all on drugs by then. We'll see.

Sorry guys it didn't go as planned, but it remains to be seen how this story continues. >:)

No need to worry though, my life condition is still so fucked that my suicide will be certain ;)

 

[its-about-time]

In my head it feels like this it's an act of love and compassion towards myself.

I feel similarly about myself. Staying alive feels like self punishment among other self-induced miseries. Ending it seems like the biggest act of self-love I'll ever accomplish. Not many people understand that, it's nice to see someone relate. I treat my container of SN like a friend, too- it sleeps in my bed with me, and I play with the salts through the bag while I'm thinking.

Glad you have that new friend right now. I think a life of suffering can still be worth living. Suffering doesn't mean we need to stop the suffering. Embracing it and finding like-minded people can be a really beautiful experience. Not those bullshit "it'll get better" whatever's out there. Find the people who say "yeah, it fucking sucks, yeah, death sure sounds fucking great huh, hey look it's a nice day let's go skate." Living sucks. End of sentence. It just sucks. There are some little nice things, when you focus your energy on those, it can be more bearable. Anyways I'm not trying to preach to you. I'm just spitballing because the thing keeping me going right now is pulling freakin weeds in my yard- ha. But I mean, it is what it is, at some point I'll run out of weeds to pull, your friend will go to jail, whatever, either something else catches our attention or nothing does, and we do whatever we're gonna do.

 

[Fengshuiside]

I feel similarly about myself. Staying alive feels like self punishment among other self-induced miseries. Ending it seems like the biggest act of self-love I'll ever accomplish. Not many people understand that, it's nice to see someone relate. I treat my container of SN like a friend, too- it sleeps in my bed with me, and I play with the salts through the bag while I'm thinking.

Glad you have that new friend right now. I think a life of suffering can still be worth living. Suffering doesn't mean we need to stop the suffering. Embracing it and finding like-minded people can be a really beautiful experience. Not those bullshit "it'll get better" whatever's out there. Find the people who say "yeah, it fucking sucks, yeah, death sure sounds fucking great huh, hey look it's a nice day let's go skate." Living sucks. End of sentence. It just sucks. There are some little nice things, when you focus your energy on those, it can be more bearable. Anyways I'm not trying to preach to you. I'm just spitballing because the thing keeping me going right now is pulling freakin weeds in my yard- ha. But I mean, it is what it is, at some point I'll run out of weeds to pull, your friend will go to jail, whatever, either something else catches our attention or nothing does, and we do whatever we're gonna do.

Haha man. Yeah my whole body physically and mentally has been giving me off this peculiar vibe or feeling that you know you don't have much time for over a month at least. Kinda as if I had a terminal cancer or smth. I have mostly just laid on my bed home alone past 2 years, so lately I've been like fuck it and doing a bunch of things and seeing people since I know I'm low on time.

Personally I have a great personal grudge against the society, it's foundation, how we're treated like fucking worthless cows and what's been going on past 2 years and how our slavery has gotten worse step by step, so I may have in my own artistic way done things to remind people who don't realize they're slaves going to the slaughterhouse soon. Never on private property of my average fellow slave-brothers. Our politicians just made a deal where we give 6 billion € of our tax money and get back 2 billion € a year or 2 ago, and apparently this was a "good deal". This pussy ass people off my home country could've contested that but no one did. One reason is most people are just so accustomed to their slavery that they've become submissive, another reason is that our mainstream media turned this out to be a "good deal".

I doubt my misbehavior will be as costly to society as our braindead leaders. Many may disagree with me and see my reasoning, way of thinking, behavior and being insane and dumb, but that's fine. Well I am and I don't mind and I'm not doing any braindead-tier criminal activity that hurts other people, other than the visions of messages of truth that their brainwashed eyeballs may witness on their happy day walks.

I just love how we have millions of people who all just accept this system we live in and keep it going on and healthy. Imagine if all of them stopped paying taxes. Some change could happen. But I'm here just fantasizing, I'm pretty sure this slave-race called humanity is going to get to see a very messy world in a few years, at 2030 at last.

Sorry man I had a purge of unrelated thoughts to your post, but man I love that weed pulling thing, it's great. Put something there to make them grow faster :D Stay strong my man and pull those weeds. I'm so happy for you that you actually have N to do it and I'll wish you a peaceful leave when the time comes. <3

 

[its-about-time]

Haha man. Yeah my whole body physically and mentally has been giving me off this peculiar vibe or feeling that you know you don't have much time for over a month at least. Kinda as if I had a terminal cancer or smth. I have mostly just laid on my bed home alone past 2 years, so lately I've been like fuck it and doing a bunch of things and seeing people since I know I'm low on time.

Personally I have a great personal grudge against the society, it's foundation, how we're treated like fucking worthless cows and what's been going on past 2 years and how our slavery has gotten worse step by step, so I may have in my own artistic way done things to remind people who don't realize they're slaves going to the slaughterhouse soon. Never on private property of my average fellow slave-brothers. Our politicians just made a deal where we give 6 billion € of our tax money and get back 2 billion € a year or 2 ago, and apparently this was a "good deal". This pussy ass people off my home country could've contested that but no one did. One reason is most people are just so accustomed to their slavery that they've become submissive, another reason is that our mainstream media turned this out to be a "good deal".

I doubt my misbehavior will be as costly to society as our braindead leaders. Many may disagree with me and see my reasoning, way of thinking, behavior and being insane and dumb, but that's fine. Well I am and I don't mind and I'm not doing any braindead-tier criminal activity that hurts other people, other than the visions of messages of truth that their brainwashed eyeballs may witness on their happy day walks.

I just love how we have millions of people who all just accept this system we live in and keep it going on and healthy. Imagine if all of them stopped paying taxes. Some change could happen. But I'm here just fantasizing, I'm pretty sure this slave-race called humanity is going to get to see a very messy world in a few years, at 2030 at last.

Sorry man I had a purge of unrelated thoughts to your post, but man I love that weed pulling thing, it's great. Put something there to make them grow faster :D Stay strong my man and pull those weeds. I'm so happy for you that you actually have N to do it and I'll wish you a peaceful leave when the time comes. <3

I really struggle with that stuff too. Society, politics, brainwashing. These last few months I've been frequently in a mood where it makes me straight up nauseous. I've tried to talk to people about it but, well… they just don't want to know, and get kind of angry when confronted with that stuff, even when I'm just talking about generalizations or myself personally. I'm in the US, yesterday there was another mass shooting in an elementary school, last I checked 19 children and a few adults were killed by an 18 year old high school student with a bag of guns and ammo. "Thoughts and prayers" go out but that's about all that will be done about it. But that's a big example. Even the "thanks for shopping with us!" label on grocery store shopping bags makes me cringe and want to puke at the same time. Same with socializing even with close friends. So I just stay home as much as possible. Smoke a lot of cigarettes, pull a lot of weeds, and pretend the world doesn't exist beyond my fence lol.

 

[Fengshuiside]

I really struggle with that stuff too. Society, politics, brainwashing. These last few months I've been frequently in a mood where it makes me straight up nauseous. I've tried to talk to people about it but, well… they just don't want to know, and get kind of angry when confronted with that stuff, even when I'm just talking about generalizations or myself personally. I'm in the US, yesterday there was another mass shooting in an elementary school, last I checked 19 children and a few adults were killed by an 18 year old high school student with a bag of guns and ammo. "Thoughts and prayers" go out but that's about all that will be done about it. But that's a big example. Even the "thanks for shopping with us!" label on grocery store shopping bags makes me cringe and want to puke at the same time. Same with socializing even with close friends. So I just stay home as much as possible. Smoke a lot of cigarettes, pull a lot of weeds, and pretend the world doesn't exist beyond my fence lol.

I feel you my dude. I gladly have multiple frienda who know what's going on around us. Stay strong my friend, it's a lonely road you're walking. <3

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Even the "thanks for shopping with us!" label on grocery store shopping bags makes me cringe and want to puke at the same time.

What would you like them to say.............HaHa. Fuck you. Thanks for paying us our over-inflated prices and making us rich while you just barely get by?

 

[its-about-time]

What would you like them to say.............HaHa. Fuck you. Thanks for paying us our over-inflated prices and making us rich while you just barely get by?

That would work.

 

[Fengshuiside]

My polypropylene rope was fine, but it felt a little unsure, wide and coarse. It would've got the job done though.

This wasn't that expensive (3.10€/Meter)
I got 4 meters of it and that's enough.

Name of the rope: Mammut 11.0 Performance Static

Strength: 32 kN (3263 kg) = More than enough.

Material: 100% Polyamide

12mm rope is definitely a little uncomfortable and now that I've seen this(11mm), I think 10mm rope of the same kind would probably be a very good choice.

This will surelt be more comfortable than polypropylene. It slides and tightens really nicely.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

That would work.

At least it would be real, huh? It might be refreshing, actually.

My polypropylene rope was good enough, but it felt a little fragile, wide and coarse.

This wasn't that expensive (3.10€/Meter)
I got 4 meters and that's enough.

Name of the rope: Mammut 11.0 Performance Static

Strength: 32 kN (3263 kg) more than enough.

12mm rope is definitely a little uncomfortable and now that I've seen this(11mm), I think 10mm rope of the same kind would probably be a very good choice.

I honestly didn't know that for hanging, all this work had to go into selecting the right diameter rope, type, length, etc. Seems complicated.

 

[Fengshuiside]

At least it would be real, huh? It might be refreshing, actually.

I honestly didn't know that for hanging, all this work had to go into selecting the right diameter rope, type, length, etc. Seems complicated.

At least it would be real, huh? It might be refreshing, actually.

I honestly didn't know that for hanging, all this work had to go into selecting the right diameter rope, type, length, etc. Seems complicated.

I got so many conflicting results on what material to use and then someone told that the Polypropylene isn't good after I ordered it so I impulsively ordered this one after. The Polypropylene would've done the job just fine though.

You're right. I just personally want to be precise about all the details. I hope this'll help someone who's unsure what rope to get. I just do not want to fail and I'm an overthinker too

Edit: the diameter matters. It's not much research you'll have to do, unless you're lazy. It's not always easy to find the correct info to these questions because ppl just tell "Oh no don't do it" or clueless ppl talk out of their asses. This costed me 16€ with order, so this might be a good choice for many others too.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I got so many conflicting results on what material to use and then someone told that the Polypropylene isn't good after I ordered it so I impulsively ordered this one after. The Polypropylene would've done the job just fine though.

You're right. I just personally want to be precise about all the details. I hope this'll help someone who's unsure what rope to get. I just do not want to fail and I'm an overthinker too

I never really considered this method, so, I guess, I really never thought much about it, nor even thought about having to investigate it. I would have, probably, just grabbed any old rope I had in the garage and tried using it, and, possibly, might have just hurt myself, instead of successfully ctb, and maybe even screwed myself up enough to the point where I'd be unable to even try something again. It never hurts to do your homework. Mistakes can be costly, especially with what we are talking about.

 

[Fengshuiside]

I never really considered this method, so, I guess, I really never thought much about it, nor even thought about having to investigate it. I would have, probably, just grabbed any old rope I had in the garage and tried using it, and, possibly, might have just hurt myself, instead of successfully ctb, and maybe even screwed myself up enough to the point where I'd be unable to even try something again. It never hurts to do your homework. Mistakes can be costly, especially with what we are talking about.

Ah I see. Yeah I almost grabbed a 15yo polypropene rope that eoule've snappes for sure. You might want to have 3-4m of rope in order to tie it properly on both ends and so it's not too short.

Ropes have differenent tensile strenghts(no shit) so you want to have something that will surely hold hour weight.

And having the rope thinner makes it restrict the bloodflow better. Also too wide and it won't get as tight around your neck. A strong 10mm seems like a good one to me.

 

[Fengshuiside]

The close friend I mentioned in earlier post is getting incarcerated on 10th of June. Seems like I'll pull the plug around then. I've no other people like him left really. This world is full of snakes and fuckers, no real people around. Just sleepwalking zombies with no capability to think independently or to use their eyes to see what kind of world they live in. Corrupt, inverted, satanic and straight up insane society. It's funny how it just goes on and everyone is like it's normal.

Facts don't matter, 1+1=3 if authorities or mainstream media say so. I'm questioning the theory that we've evolved from apes. We've evolved from sheep, who somehow act even less intelligently than apes despite being more "intelligent". Show people straight facts that disprove their beliefs: OH NO! ERROR! Brain malfunction has occurred! I can't be wrong! CODE RED: Must turn on cognitive dissonance to level 100%. BEEP BOOP.

It's hilarious to look at what all kind of shit people do around daily only because everyone else does it, ways of behaving, talking and thinking. Like go ask around literally anything from anybody, why they do a thing of any sort. "Oh, I don't know everyone else does it too". Like you're a kid, you ask you parents so many damn questions about why is society like this? And the parent's answer is always: "We'll you know it's just how it is and has always been". Getting questionable orders that one with a conscience and a working brain could disobey? Oh no I can't be left out of my insane herd, I'll do it.

Oh the governments are fucking us straight up in the ass with no lubrication? "Yeah well if we just obey and act submissive, maybe they'll stop doing it some day, surely right? Surely my ass will be fine soon. I must say it's not nice, the items that are entering my rear end get bigger by the day, maybe if I act even more submissive they'll stop it!"

This is how a lot of people think and act. It's ridiculous how there's 8 billion of us, and a bunch of psychopaths can just divide and conquer and make us fight with each other, not seeing the real enemy. Crazy world.

Again I'm kind to strangers and other people, I'm polite and help without asking, but got damn how much I hate most of the people on this planet who're unable to think for themselves and just blindly obey, and do anything authorities tell. It's amazing how easy it is to control the human mind when you brainwash it from early age, then later on bomb them with constant fear with mainstream media and they lose their rationality and boom: Mass Psychosis.

I'm insane myself too, I am a human after all, but what an interesting species we are. You guys wait and see. I never want to, or will encourage anyone to CTB, but I'll give you a forewarning right now. If you think the last 2 years have been aids, it's just the beginning. By 2030 at last you'll be royally fucked. I don't personally have faith in this humanity waking up to it's slavery.

Sorry for my childish language, but Fuck society.

A little tinfoil rant.

 

[ihopethisispainless]

The close friend I mentioned in earlier post is getting incarcerated on 10th of June. Seems like I'll pull the plug around then. I've no other people like him left really. This world is full of snakes and fuckers, no real people around. Just sleepwalking zombies with no capability to think independently or to use their eyes to see what kind of world they live in. Corrupt, inverted, satanic and straight up insane society. It's funny how it just goes on and everyone is like it's normal.

Facts don't matter, 1+1=3 if authorities or mainstream media say so. I'm questioning the theory that we've evolved from apes. We've evolved from sheep, who somehow act even less intelligently than apes despite being more "intelligent". Show people straight facts that disprove their beliefs: OH NO! ERROR! Brain malfunction has occurred! I can't be wrong! CODE RED: Must turn on cognitive dissonance to level 100%. BEEP BOOP.

It's hilarious to look at what all kind of shit people do around daily only because everyone else does it, ways of behaving, talking and thinking. Like go ask around literally anything from anybody, why they do a thing of any sort. "Oh, I don't know everyone else does it too". Like you're a kid, you ask you parents so many damn questions about why is society like this? And the parent's answer is always: "We'll you know it's just how it is and has always been". Getting questionable orders that one with a conscience and a working brain could disobey? Oh no I can't be left out of my insane herd, I'll do it.

Oh the governments are fucking us straight up in the ass with no lubrication? "Yeah well if we just obey and act submissive, maybe they'll stop doing it some day, surely right? Surely my ass will be fine soon. I must say it's not nice, the items that are entering my rear end get bigger by the day, maybe if I act even more submissive they'll stop it!"

This is how a lot of people think and act. It's ridiculous how there's 8 billion of us, and a bunch of psychopaths can just divide and conquer and make us fight with each other, not seeing the real enemy. Crazy world.

Again I'm kind to strangers and other people, I'm polite and help without asking, but got damn how much I hate most of the people on this planet who're unable to think for themselves and just blindly obey, and do anything authorities tell. It's amazing how easy it is to control the human mind when you brainwash it from early age, then later on bomb them with constant fear with mainstream media and they lose their rationality and boom: Mass Psychosis.

I'm insane myself too, I am a human after all, but what an interesting species we are. You guys wait and see. I never want to, or will encourage anyone to CTB, but I'll give you a forewarning right now. If you think the last 2 years have been aids, it's just the beginning. By 2030 at last you'll be royally fucked. I don't personally have faith in this humanity waking up to it's slavery.

Sorry for my childish language, but Fuck society.

A little tinfoil rant.

I feel the same way. I'm definitely a libertarian. I feel like if I were to live for a few more decades I'd live to see a spectacular collapse of the US as a major role in the world. Yknow once the giant bubble pops? This kind of economic environment is what portends the fall of empires. I'm sure you understand. And once that happens people get more comfortable with more government control until the government finally breaks from the chains of the constitution. And people don't question authority like you said. I'm very glad I won't get to live through it.