I’m giving up on trying to make Nembutal

[Tyra]

My heart hurts because I really wanted this to workout.

The chemistry is quite hard, there's a decent amount of equipment you need. It could even be dangerous because working with sodium metal is highly reactive.

I will probably still research how to do it just for fun, and for closure. I feel like I have an emotional attachment to this project.

I guess I'm going to have to go with SN.

 

[schrocatparadox]

your efforts on synthesizing N is honestly really admirable. i hope SN doesn't stress you as much if you do end up going with it

 

[UnbearableLightness]

I haven't made any attempts at synthesizing but just spent the last few hours combing the internet for an N Source. So so disappointing that there's nothing when a few years ago it would've been easy. I found some Phenobarbital available on a DWM and I'm wondering if that might make a SN ctb attempt more peaceful. I have benzos but wonder if that's going to be enough.

your efforts to try to synthesize N is honestly really admirable. i hope SN doesn't stress you as much if you do end up going with it

Not OP but SN is stressing me. I made an attempt with it 4 years ago and woke up in the ICU cause SI kicked in and I screamed for help. Actually had 3 beautiful years afterwards actually until I developed Bipolar I with psychotic features. Now I haven't been functional for 9 months and just dove deep into suicidal ideation.

 

[schrocatparadox]

I haven't made any attempts at synthesizing but just spent the last few hours combing the internet for an N Source. So so disappointing that there's nothing when a few years ago it would've been easy. I found some Phenobarbital available on a DWM and I'm wondering if that might make a SN ctb attempt more peaceful. I have benzos but wonder if that's going to be enough.

Not OP but SN is stressing me. I made an attempt with it 4 years ago and woke up in the ICU cause SI kicked in and I screamed for help. Actually had 3 beautiful years afterwards actually until I developed Bipolar I with psychotic features. Now I haven't been functional for 9 months and just dove deep into suicidal ideation.

i'm glad you felt better after your attempt, even if it was just for 3 years.

i'm sorry that SN and your mental condition has been weighing on you so much. SN isn't a very reliable method, but it's all we can get for many of us, even though it's still relatively inaccessible.

i hope you can find peace again soon <3

 

[Tyra]

your efforts to try to synthesize N is honestly really admirable. i hope SN doesn't stress you as much if you do end up going with it

Thank you

 

[schrocatparadox]

Thank you

ofcc, best of luck on any path you take <3

 

[Tyra]

I haven't made any attempts at synthesizing but just spent the last few hours combing the internet for an N Source. So so disappointing that there's nothing when a few years ago it would've been easy. I found some Phenobarbital available on a DWM and I'm wondering if that might make a SN ctb attempt more peaceful. I have benzos but wonder if that's going to be enough.

Not OP but SN is stressing me. I made an attempt with it 4 years ago and woke up in the ICU cause SI kicked in and I screamed for help. Actually had 3 beautiful years afterwards actually until I developed Bipolar I with psychotic features. Now I haven't been functional for 9 months and just dove deep into suicidal ideation.

Did you take benzos when you tried to CTB with SN?

 

[UnbearableLightness]

i'm glad you felt better after your attempt, even if it was just for 3 years.

i'm sorry that SN and your mental condition has been weighing on you so much. SN isn't a very reliable method, but it's all we can get for many of us, even though it's still relatively inaccessible.

i hope you find peace again soon <3

Thanks for the kind words, I would give anything to go back to that mental state but I think my brain got permanently broken by a 3 month manic psychosis and following 6 month severe depression.

I'll be honest, knowing that it did get better before is making me hesitate and activating SI even though my current mental state is beyond awful. My two options right now are CTB shortly after my SN comes in on Wednesday or self admit to the psych ward and likely request ECT (already tried ket and TMS).

Literally rereading my old posts from 2022 describing my tachycardia and hyperventilation from the SN attempt reactivated my SI though lol rip.

Did you take benzos when you tried to CTB with SN?

nope but this time I have Kpins. took extra today as kinda a test run to see if they can calm the SI away (it's still pretty strong though, I love my family a lot and don't want to do this to them I'm just sick of being a burden. I also know the world is beautiful and amazing and if I was just well again I could experience it (big IF)

 

[bodys_prisoner]

How far have you gotten with this home project?

There is a section on the Dread darknet forum dedicated to drug manufacturing. You can create your own thread there describing everything you've done so far, and someone might be able to point out what could be improved.

Or, if it's more convenient for you, you can send me a written description of the process, and I'll create a thread on Dread myself and then send you the link.