arrythmia
Member
- Jan 27, 2026
- 16
I've had my appointment with my therapist yesterday and it made me realise how exhausting and draining I'm for people.
For context, we were talking and discussing and in the middle of the session she told me that, it's starting to be annoying, my rants and taking things to extremes and abstracts, she said i deflect or muddled the water, not focusing on the main point.
For example, she were trying to help me with my self esteem so she said write me positive traits that makes you unique and different. I went on a bit of a rant that there is nothing unique or different between people and that we as humans share the same characteristics. That what makes us a species.
I know what she means, and i recognise that it's not time nor place to have these stupid rants. However, that's how my mind works and operates, i think of things and life in the same way, i take things into abstracts and sometimes to extremes to trully value and criticise the morality or purpose or whatever that thing does or represents.
I don't have friends and it's rare for me to be comfortable around someone to express and talk. It's really draining and exhausting for them (and understandably so) to handle a long incoherent rant without structure or clear way of expressing it. I'm bad at talking and writing. I only talk and discuss things to myself in my own mind so my thoughts are jumpy. I refrance things and sometimes old discussions with myself like people know about them. I feel like words betray me. I'm annoying and not pleasant to be around. I'm an idiot who potrays himself like someone who have "deep" discussions and understanding. I don't know shit. All my knowledge is either things i thought of with myself or knowledge i learnt when i was like 13 or 14. I don't read, watch media, or have any social presence or do anything IRL. I'm so limited and norrow in my life and i don't have the desire nor the energy to do anything. I just think, i like thinking too bad I'm too stupid for these thoughts to mean or do anything.
I think my therapist is correct but that's who i am. I must larp and pose as smart because otherwise i have no identity, and my ego and sense of self would be severely damaged.
I really want to just ctb, I'm insufferable to myself and i hate and loathe my existence. I apologise for my being.
(Ironically this whole post shows how insufferable and annoying my thoughts and way of communicating is. As you can clearly tell I'm exhausting to be around)
For context, we were talking and discussing and in the middle of the session she told me that, it's starting to be annoying, my rants and taking things to extremes and abstracts, she said i deflect or muddled the water, not focusing on the main point.
For example, she were trying to help me with my self esteem so she said write me positive traits that makes you unique and different. I went on a bit of a rant that there is nothing unique or different between people and that we as humans share the same characteristics. That what makes us a species.
I know what she means, and i recognise that it's not time nor place to have these stupid rants. However, that's how my mind works and operates, i think of things and life in the same way, i take things into abstracts and sometimes to extremes to trully value and criticise the morality or purpose or whatever that thing does or represents.
I don't have friends and it's rare for me to be comfortable around someone to express and talk. It's really draining and exhausting for them (and understandably so) to handle a long incoherent rant without structure or clear way of expressing it. I'm bad at talking and writing. I only talk and discuss things to myself in my own mind so my thoughts are jumpy. I refrance things and sometimes old discussions with myself like people know about them. I feel like words betray me. I'm annoying and not pleasant to be around. I'm an idiot who potrays himself like someone who have "deep" discussions and understanding. I don't know shit. All my knowledge is either things i thought of with myself or knowledge i learnt when i was like 13 or 14. I don't read, watch media, or have any social presence or do anything IRL. I'm so limited and norrow in my life and i don't have the desire nor the energy to do anything. I just think, i like thinking too bad I'm too stupid for these thoughts to mean or do anything.
I think my therapist is correct but that's who i am. I must larp and pose as smart because otherwise i have no identity, and my ego and sense of self would be severely damaged.
I really want to just ctb, I'm insufferable to myself and i hate and loathe my existence. I apologise for my being.
(Ironically this whole post shows how insufferable and annoying my thoughts and way of communicating is. As you can clearly tell I'm exhausting to be around)
