Venting I'm Confused and Unsure

[♠Nero♠]

A year ago was my most recent attempt at CTB, I tried SSH but my SI kicked in before I could fully lose consciousness resulting in my survival. Before that I tried a concoction of opioids (tramadol/codeine) and liquor but given that I'm here typing this thread...obviously my attempts were yet again futile. At the time I took it as a sign that perhaps It wasn't my time to leave, perhaps I could finally find that sense of fulfilment I deeply craved I thought to myself. Before I knew it I had resumed school and found love, in my eyes this was the opportunity I needed to "fix' my problems and I dreamed of it being the catalyst for my happiness. I was wrong, I've always been wrong it seems. I desperately want to see the light at the end of the tunnel but now I wonder if the light even exists in the first place. My mind seems to be further drifting away from me with each coming day, where I once found happiness I now find despair and dread. As much as I hate to admit it I'm scared. I just want to be rid of these thoughts and my situation, yet I don't want to hurt those who care and rely on me. What keeps you guys going?

 

[LittleJem]

meds drugs television food

is this one for the recovery section?

 

[♠Nero♠]

meds drugs television food

is this one for the recovery section?

First off I agree....and I agree
maybe this post is a bit off topic for this specific discussion, ill keep that in mind with further posts, cheers!

 

[m1v]

It seems like there's no light at the end of every tunnel..it's pretty much just our imagination mixed with hope. I'm not quite sure whether you're on the recovery path or not. Either way, please stay strong and keep on fighting like you always do!
To answer; Games kept me going, not anymore though. Much love. xx

(Ps: Are you perhaps..Nerowo? Pardon me if I'm wrong)

 

[WaffleWoman]

There's only two things i can say confidently are keeping me around for a bit anyway that being my want to go to a hatsune miku concert one day and my dad

 

[FuneralCry]

To answer the question, the fact is that as long as one is trapped here then they basically have no choice but to suffer, it's the unfortunate reality of existing here, existence truly is something so hopeless and dreadful.

 

[♠Nero♠]

It seems like there's no light at the end of every tunnel..it's pretty much just our imagination mixed with hope. I'm not quite sure whether you're on the recovery path or not. Either way, please stay strong and keep on fighting like you always do!
To answer; Games kept me going, not anymore though. Much love. xx

(Ps: Are you perhaps..Nerowo? Pardon me if I'm wrong)

These words me so much to me, my mind has been split between the both. I have been recovering but I also can't ignore what I feel, especially when it resonates so deeply within me. Regardless of what ends up happening I'm very thankful for the encouragement, words truly can't describe it.
(p.s: nah this is just my gamertag I go by lol)

There's only two things i can say confidently are keeping me around for a bit anyway that being my want to go to a hatsune miku concert one day and my dad

bruh I gotta dm u a pick of my setup. Shit is Hatsune Miku'd tf out. But Valid

 

[Forever Sleep]

Obligation is what keeps me here- mostly to not upset my Dad. Other than that- I try to comfort myself through the endless amounts of daily things I don't want to do by listening to music/ putting on box sets in the background/ comfort food.

I REALLY hope you can find your way through this. I think the will to want to is perhaps the most important thing of all. I just hope you can find something to strive towards. All the best of luck to you.

 

[The anhedonic one]

I just sleep most of the time now or browse sasu.
Nothing in this dreadful world interests me anymore enough to help me get through the day.
It doesn't sound like you are in the pit of despair yet.
Maybe you will find a way to recover.
I wish you the best.