♠Nero♠
Merely Another Wandering soul
- May 30, 2023
- 5
A year ago was my most recent attempt at CTB, I tried SSH but my SI kicked in before I could fully lose consciousness resulting in my survival. Before that I tried a concoction of opioids (tramadol/codeine) and liquor but given that I'm here typing this thread...obviously my attempts were yet again futile. At the time I took it as a sign that perhaps It wasn't my time to leave, perhaps I could finally find that sense of fulfilment I deeply craved I thought to myself. Before I knew it I had resumed school and found love, in my eyes this was the opportunity I needed to "fix' my problems and I dreamed of it being the catalyst for my happiness. I was wrong, I've always been wrong it seems. I desperately want to see the light at the end of the tunnel but now I wonder if the light even exists in the first place. My mind seems to be further drifting away from me with each coming day, where I once found happiness I now find despair and dread. As much as I hate to admit it I'm scared. I just want to be rid of these thoughts and my situation, yet I don't want to hurt those who care and rely on me. What keeps you guys going?