I'm completely obsessed with death

[xXiloveyouXx]

It's bad. I think about it constantly, all day and everyday. I see death in everything. In everything beautiful there lies the smallest kernel of death, of emptiness inside. A flower is beautiful because its colorful and pleasing form exists temporarily and when it blooms it's at the peak of its vitality, which only means something because it's contrasted with the rot and decay that soon will happen to it.

The fear of what will come after I die is paralyzing and on my mind constantly. I just go around and around in my head wondering and despairing about how this incomprehensible state of "nothing" is going to happen to me the same way it's happened to everything else that has ever existed. Everything. Everyone you know will die. What's going to happen to me? Why do I have to exist at all to begin with? The bliss of nonexistence or of existence without consciousness would have been so much better than being aware of my own suffering and mortality. I don't want to think anymore. I just want a pretty girl to tell me it's okay for me to go to sleep forever.

I barely feel sexual attraction anymore because I'm so depressed, but when I do it's almost exclusively for anime girl gore or when I get to be sadistic during sex for a little while. What the fuck is my problem??

 

[Tautochrome]

It's okay for you to go to sleep forever

 

[xetineline]

i was tryna think of this before. maybe it will be back at my fucking mind.

 

[Insufficent]

We exist because a bunch of mass collided hard enough and took a stay just far enough from a heat radiating mass of energy that somehow a bunch of atoms started actively collecting more atoms around themselves and thus life began.