Venting I'm committed (rambling)

[SoonToBeSoil]

(First post!)

I'm going to do it. I'm set on it. I'm on a family trip right now so I'm not really able to do anything right now. I'm trying to order SN or KN but have had no luck (I'm in the US and it's illegal or something? I'm not really sure since the bill to ban it hasn't gone into law). I hope I'm able to get them somehow. If not I'll probably try my luck with the night-night method or jumping. Hanging, if all else fails. God, I want to be dead so bad. I'm completely committed. All the things that have stopped me in the past are not stopping me now. I guess that is really easy to think while I am unable to actually do it.

Tomorrow is a funeral for our aunt. I didn't really know her. I'm helping where I can with the planning and things.

I know my family will probably take my suicide bad. I really don't care at this point. I just want to be dead. I'm not sure whether I'll leave a note. I think most things are better left unsaid, right? I know there are some conclusions they will make about me after, maybe some right, most wrong.

I've completely been isolating myself. I've stopped responding to all my friends, have been for weeks. It started with cancelling a hangout and now I just haven't responded to when I want to hang out again. There's so many messages. I really don't care to respond. I'm going to be dead anyway.

Feels great to finally express these thoughts! Can anyone else relate??

I'd write more but we're going to get food. Cya!

I go back and forth mentally a lot. I never stay in one mindset long. I hope I commit before I switch into some other mindset where I'm not suicidal. Not sure if that's possible. I have a medication appointment the day I get back from this trip. I'm either going to have to lie or tell the truth and get hospitalized. I'm definitely not going to tell the truth. I never tell them the truth, at least not the full truth. One time I almost did, but they didn't call me back. By the time they did, it was too late. I had already changed my mind. I'm glad I didn't tell them. I wanted to tell them so badly in that moment. I was asking the universe to show me a different path, and it did, with that realization. But I never went through. I play off how suicidal I actually am. Lord please let me obtain SN please please please

I might try to buy a gun, but IDK if I'd even be approved, maybe worth a try?

Rambling over
I sound insane (I am!)

 

[Disabledfromjump7]

(First post!)

I'm going to do it. I'm set on it. I'm on a family trip right now so I'm not really able to do anything right now. I'm trying to order SN or KN but have had no luck (I'm in the US and it's illegal or something? I'm not really sure since the bill to ban it hasn't gone into law). I hope I'm able to get them somehow. If not I'll probably try my luck with the night-night method or jumping. Hanging, if all else fails. God, I want to be dead so bad. I'm completely committed. All the things that have stopped me in the past are not stopping me now. I guess that is really easy to think while I am unable to actually do it.

Tomorrow is a funeral for our aunt. I didn't really know her. I'm helping where I can with the planning and things.

I know my family will probably take my suicide bad. I really don't care at this point. I just want to be dead. I'm not sure whether I'll leave a note. I think most things are better left unsaid, right? I know there are some conclusions they will make about me after, maybe some right, most wrong.

I've completely been isolating myself. I've stopped responding to all my friends, have been for weeks. It started with cancelling a hangout and now I just haven't responded to when I want to hang out again. There's so many messages. I really don't care to respond. I'm going to be dead anyway.

Feels great to finally express these thoughts! Can anyone else relate??

I'd write more but we're going to get food. Cya!

I go back and forth mentally a lot. I never stay in one mindset long. I hope I commit before I switch into some other mindset where I'm not suicidal. Not sure if that's possible. I have a medication appointment the day I get back from this trip. I'm either going to have to lie or tell the truth and get hospitalized. I'm definitely not going to tell the truth. I never tell them the truth, at least not the full truth. One time I almost did, but they didn't call me back. By the time they did, it was too late. I had already changed my mind. I'm glad I didn't tell them. I wanted to tell them so badly in that moment. I was asking the universe to show me a different path, and it did, with that realization. But I never went through. I play off how suicidal I actually am. Lord please let me obtain SN please please please

I might try to buy a gun, but IDK if I'd even be approved, maybe worth a try?

Rambling over
I sound insane (I am!)

Jumping doesn't always work. You'll just disable yourself. :(

 

[retstardeda$$hole]

Jumping doesn't always work. You'll just disable yourself. :(

User CTB'ed I believe

 

[DeadManLiving]

User CTB'ed I believe

RIP

 

[retstardeda$$hole]

RIP

It's purely speculation tho, their last post was on 19th of July about CTB'ing by the train tracks either by jumping infront of it or decapitating. They haven't made a post since then.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

It's purely speculation tho, their last post was on 19th of July about CTB'ing by the train tracks either by jumping infront of it or decapitating. They haven't made a post since then.

Call me morbid, but… in a previous post they mentioned their location… and I did see that there was someone hit by a train in a neighboring state shortly after their last post that morning.