Venting im but a mirror to the people around me

[SpencerSees]

Growing up with a parent who's mood largely affected my safety, i've always been pretty observant of the people around me. I guess the autism added to that, since I constantly tried and failed to copy what my peers did to fit in.
Anyways, I'm older now and I noticed a pattern in my close relationships: All I do is watch people and notice all their different behaviors, silly little things they do when they feel a certain way etc. I truly do not like humanity as a whole, but i really really try to understand the people close to me, and their struggles, even if life sucks all empathy out of me. And idk no one really does that for me. It's like my only purpose is to tell people how wonderful and cool and smart they are, but no one notices things like that about me. Idk if i'm the weirdo here, or there just genuinely isn't anything worth looking at about me. I don't want to blame them as the idiots for not caring, because i'm sure they have a reason for their apathy, yet i cant help but feel like i'll never be loved in a way that is equal to the love i give. it makes me so hopeless about all my relationships. why should i care, right?

just smt ive been thinking a shitton about

 

[strawberry_lemons]

im sorry youve been stuck in this cycle. im sorry you feel so abandoned and unloved, i wish you all the best, im here if you need anything <3

 

[SpencerSees]

Thank you so much man :]

 

[LonelyKitten]

It's hard to be the reactive and observant type.
Our efforts are hardly noticed or proportionally reciprocated, yet we are supposed to always be grateful, even if we're completely unhappy.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

 

[SpencerSees]

It's hard to be the reactive and observant type.
Our efforts are hardly noticed or proportionally reciprocated, yet we are supposed to always be grateful, even if we're completely unhappy.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

You should be grateful for what you have, even if that's close to nothing I guess.