Help I'm anxious

[Roses_and_clouds]

This will include a little bit venting, i don't have anyone to talk.

I feel like I'm being controlled in every aspect of my life. I have a controlling family and i know they want best for me, but i need out. I don't wanna live with them, i don't want my every action to be interrogated anymore.
My dreams got controlled, my friends got controlled, some of my religious choices got controlled.
I had one psychologist that kinda helped me to go through some of my problems, now i don't get to see her anymore. My friendships ended and i don't have anyone to confide in. Really tired

 

[lamentos]

I know that feeling VERY well. We can have some private talk if you need (since I need some as well) but for everybody out here, let me explain my situation.

I'm a 19 yo college student. I'm graduated from a very religious Muslim high school where every prayer is obligatory, several different lessons about different aspects of Islam are taught, no male friends if you are female (and vice-versa), hijab is STRONGLY advised for girls, no colorful clothing, no make-up... You got the main idea.

And it was a private school, the school principality would use our romantic relationships to give our parents an explanation if our grades were bad. We were LITERALLY being watched all the time like in the book 1984 by George Orwell.

So the question is how did you get rid of the idea of being controlled? Well, I accepted the fact that I'm being controlled and I rebel. The only thing my parents cared about was my grades, so I used their behaviour as an excuse for my grades in college. "You are not going to have a doctor son if this is how you act." It worked, they stopped questioning about my life to some extent but it still didn't solve the problem entirely.

If you do want to get rid of that pressure, you have to change the atmosphere. What I mean by that is if you don't start to stand on your own feet, your rebellious attitude would only take you so far. And I bet you know what to do. You know which friends you need to get rid of, you know that you need to make money and you know that it will take time.

So take this terrible feeling as a source for motivation. Why wouldn't you? My life is terrible and I have to recover. I use every penny, every bit of motivation to make my life go better. I got accepted from a project in Iceland, I will be there next month but I have been studying for several months now to improve my English. You know you have motivation. You know you need it. The only problem is you don't know where to start, what to do. Consider your situation but don't involve anybody to your plans. Maybe that would help.