I'm currently at a hotel, I've been trying to attempt taking SN and I've failed 2 times. I just can't seem to let go of life. I know there is no solution to what is happening to me, I put up with pain and violation of my body every single day, my mental illness is at it's worst and most likely will continue getting worse but alone in this hotel room with full privacy, I'm not able to do it. My alternative would be to do it at home overnight, but I don't want to put my family in trouble plus obviously get in the way of my attempt. I don't know how much more pain and suffering i have to endure to get me to jump of this edge. The amount of money I've spent on the hotel is going to go to waste, plus I don't have that many anti-emetics. I know I will do it eventually but going back and forth like this fucking sucks.
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FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 43,420
It must be so horrible feeling trapped in that situation, I guess that after all actually going through with suicide isn't straightforward but I understand as to why you would feel angry. But anyway I wish you the best, to me it's just so awful how so much endless torment exists here in this world and how it's not easy to be finally free from it.
hellispink
poisonous
- May 26, 2022
- 1,229
Did you went back? It must be horrible. That is my biggest fear. To get to the hotel and feel trapped.
Pluto
Cat Extremist
- Dec 27, 2020
- 5,110
Being in a no-man's-land is a horrible situation. I find that if I try to plan something long-term, it gives ample time for some 'hopeful' event to happen to make me postpone. Yet to do something without forethought feels wrong also. Still, something has to give some time.
I'm so sorry. I can imagine how frightening it must be. Be kind to yourself though. It's not an easy thing to do and it's a method that it doesn't seem wise to rush. Maybe it's better that you've postponed if you don't have all the anti-emetics. I sort of feel like we'll all know when it REALLY is our time. Maybe it's not quite yours just yet. I hope you reach an acceptance with your decision. Maybe just try and relax now.
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