Venting I'm an objectively Terrible person.

[tanabatawish]

I feel so fucking lonely, but I don't believe I deserve to even call myself lonely. I know plenty of people, albeit sure I only talk to them when I share classes with them but, I am with so many people. Yet the issue is, it doesn't seem like I'm anyone's first choice, no one's favorite. I love everyone yet no one loves me like how I love them. I want devotion, I'm greedy and it's disgusting. My greed has broken all of the friendships I've had in the past, the longest I've ever managed to cling on to a friendship of mines was for 3 years, and that's only because I tolerated them, I tolerated every time they conveniently left me out.

I just wish I had someone to call mines, someone whose only friend is me, someone as clingy as me, someone who will make me their priority. What I really wanted was a human as a pet, not a friend, is what I've come to terms with recently. I'm disgusted at what I've become, I'm a horrible person for wanting a pet human.

 

[saintleftbygod]

who fucking cares nothing matters so do what you want and feel anything you want live go buy somebody on the darkweb or some shit lol

 

[tanabatawish]

who fucking cares nothing matters so do what you want and feel anything you want live go buy somebody on the darkweb or some shit lol

Buying somebody would sound nice in theory but don't you think that's expensive? In this economy? Fuck no

 

[Yeao]

You have a lot of hurt, and there are many layers to this, you are judging yourself very harshly and you feel shame, thats incredibly unfair.
From what you explained, you are not a terrible person at all, you are a person with hurt, wild guess but likely emotionally neglected in childhood.
Please dont be harsh on yourself, dont give into the shame, you are as human as everyone else, you are deserving of love.

I am sure with time you'll find that these patterns are from a place of hurt, treat yourself as a human like anyone else.

 

[saintleftbygod]

Buying somebody would sound nice in theory but don't you think that's expensive? In this economy? Fuck no

ha true lol

 

[Forever Sleep]

You have a lot of hurt, and there are many layers to this, you are judging yourself very harshly and you feel shame, thats incredibly unfair.
From what you explained, you are not a terrible person at all, you are a person with hurt, wild guess but likely emotionally neglected in childhood.
Please dont be harsh on yourself, dont give into the shame, you are as human as everyone else, you are deserving of love.

I am sure with time you'll find that these patterns are from a place of hurt, treat yourself as a human like anyone else.

Exactly this. I used to suffer a lot with limerence- obsessive crushes on people. It felt so crazy at the time and I would feel embarassed/ ashamed about liking them so much. I would obsess about obsessing.

It helped to try to forgive myself for actually obsessing in the first place because- it's not exactly something we choose. Would you actually choose to need people to this extent? Also- as Yeaho suggested- these feelings develop for a reason. Perhaps not getting needs fully met in childhood. So- we go looking for those close bonds elsewhere.

I suppose what we can do though- is observe ourselves. If we know how we behave is too much for people (I was a clingy, overly emotionally dependent friend too) and, if we know that being so reliant on someone makes us vulnerable to get hurt. Then- we may need to try to manage our expectations/ hopes on others.