jes7ter
Member
- Jul 27, 2023
- 8
i feel like i'm just a placeholder. really, my life has no meaning at all. i haven't accomplished anything. most of my time, i have nothing to do. nothing brings me fun, and if it does, its completely meaningless. technically, i had one close friend, but frankly we were only friends because her boyfriend broke up with her and she needed someone to have her back. now theyre back together, and she doesnt give a fuck about me. and the thing is, im not mad at her, because i dont think we were ever actual friends. i dont think i ever had a meaningful connection with anyone. i have a friendgroup, but we're all getting sick of eachother, i dont think i really care about any of them anymore. recently, im basically unable to hold conversations. well i used to have troubles with talking to people in the past (not that im anxious or anything, im just terribly boring, and recently i dont even have the energy to speak). everything ive done i regret. lately all i do is cry and i really want to kill myself. ive thought about cutting my wrists, but it obviously wont work so thats out of the question. i really have no reason to stay alive, my life is pointless and i cant picture myself getting out of it. i feel pathetic everyday, but i have no desire to change the way i live, id say dying is my biggest wish. the only people that care about me are my family, and its not like they actually care, they just do because im related to them, im not close with them whatsoever and honestly im only a burden and a pain to be around. i really wish my life had meaning, but it doesnt, and i cant live like this anymore. i dont even know why im writing this i guess i just crave some sort of attention even though im not worthy of it. if i ever have the guts commit, i dont even want to leave a note. i cant explain shit to my psychologist, because theres basically nothing to explain. ive wasted all the time i had, i accomplished nothing, and im a waste of space. i dont see a future for myself.
