Venting I’m a walking disappointment and my family would be happier if I died

[リンさん]

I don't have a job. I abandoned my studies because I feel absolutely terrified of how much catching up I need to do bc I fell off due to personal problems which led to me being incapacitated for weeks.

I look normal on the surface but on the inside I am hurting so much every single day. I don't want this. I'm so tired. Everything hurts. I maybe get two or three good hours out of the day, and all I can do is to enjoy what little normalcy I have doing things I love instead of doing things I need to do.

Im so scared to get back into studying because I missed so much. I feel like I will never catch up and will always be judged. I know my parents hate me because I am so lazy and unmotivated.

They always ask me about it and all I can do is lie. I try my best not to speak to them because they will always ask me about studying and nothing more.

Im such a disappointment. All I want is for someone to tell me I got this, that my life won't be ruined and that I can still fix things. Because it really feels like this is it for me.

I want to die so badly just so I don't have to feel shame anymore and let my parents live their lives instead of taking care of a mentally disabled person. I know that. I have nobody to comfort me or rely on. The only person I loved has left me and lied to me.

I don't want to live anymore. I am so tired and worthless

 

[Worndown]

Is there anything you like to do or want to do? School is not the ONLY option in life. It is NOT for everyone.
Families can put pressure on you to be the person they think you should be. They are not you. People die over these unrealistic expectations and demands.

Talk to someone about this if possible.

 

[carnivalforone]

Is there anything you like to do or want to do? School is not the ONLY option in life. It is NOT for everyone.
Families can put pressure on you to be the person they think you should be. They are not you. People die over these unrealistic expectations and demands.

Talk to someone about this if possible.

what if i don't like or want to do anything :/

 

[Worndown]

There are usually multiple options to overcome a problem. I opened the conversation.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

Asian?