Venting I’m a Terrible Person.

[KohaneAzusawa]

It's almost over. August 11th will be the day I finally die. There's relief, and then there's the pain. My close friends think I'm getting better. I feel like I'm betraying them, and I guess in a way I am. They don't know a thing, and I feel so guilty about it. I feel bad for still planning to kill myself when I know damn well that there are people who love me, and don't want me to go. I know they'd support me no matter what path I took in life. I know they care, and would be crushed by my death. I guess I'm just selfish. I care if others get hurt, but I still prioritize my own wants over their feelings. You'd think the realization that I'm hurting people would make me want to improve for them, but the guilt just makes me want to die even more. I guess that's all I have to say for now.

 

[evrlastingsea]

that doesn't make you a terrible person at all, though. you're being.. in a way, so kind and thoughtful of them right now. trying to give them one last good memory. really emphatetic, i'd say. but in the end, we must prioritize ourself. That's how it is with everyone, so i really don't see it as terrible. Accepting that death (any kind of death, really) will hurt people at least would help you relieve the intense guilt before your chosen date.

I really hope you could find something to help you reconsider in this short time. i really do. but, if you have to go through that, i hope it'll be a peaceful one

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Yes, there was so much ambivalence here. You were basically scolding yourself. Feel better .