I’m a terrible person

[terra.nuvo]

I've made so many mistakes in my life. I've ruined a lot of friendships because of ghosting. I ruined the closest friendship I ever had because I was in love with him and became jealous and controlling. I don't know how to cope with all the bad things I've done. And especially now that I'm in the position I am in with a dead end job making terrible money, it all just feels like karma. I deserve the terrible position I'm in in life right now. I deserve to hurt as much as I do all the time. I deserve to be unhappy.

But at some point I need to get over it and move on with my life. But how do I do that when it feels like everything I've done is constantly coming back to me in my mind? And how when all I can think about is the friend who'll no longer talk to me because I was terrible to him? I don't think I'll ever get better while having these things on my mind.

 

[Life_and_Death]

youre not a bad person for feeling, emotions are completely normal and yes, theyre going to cause adverse reactions sometimes. youre struggling and thats ok

 

[wisteria3]

I think it's important to be kind to yourself. Depression warps your perception so you feel terrible about yourself, and chances are you aren't nearly as terrible as you think you are. Let's assume the worst though. Even if you did mistreat your friend, it's so clear that you aren't a terrible person because you feel remorse about it. Way too many people blame the other person when a relationship breaks down, when in reality it's usually a combination of both people/poor communication and listening. But you're blaming yourself entirely, which shows self awareness and accountability that many people lack. You are definitely not irredeemable, and not a terrible person. In my opinion, "terrible" people feel no remorse for their actions and have no desire to take accountability or change.

 

[LaughingGoat]

Reflecting and then giving a genuine apology to those you feel you've hurt has always been the first half of moving forward for me. Some may not want to sit down and have that conversation, but given the amount of ways to contact someone through technology it should be doable to at least send an apology if nothing else. The other half is working on implementing changes to myself based off the reflection of my mistakes so that I can do better in the present and future.

 

[struggles_inc]

Every time someone on here says they have ruined a relationship with someone, I wonder if they are 100% to blame. Were your friends so naive and gullible that they were totally ghosted and manipulated by you to ruin the relationship, or maybe they are as responsible for not trying to fix it?

 

[Zazacosta]

I've made so many mistakes in my life. I've ruined a lot of friendships because of ghosting. I ruined the closest friendship I ever had because I was in love with him and became jealous and controlling. I don't know how to cope with all the bad things I've done. And especially now that I'm in the position I am in with a dead end job making terrible money, it all just feels like karma. I deserve the terrible position I'm in in life right now. I deserve to hurt as much as I do all the time. I deserve to be unhappy.

But at some point I need to get over it and move on with my life. But how do I do that when it feels like everything I've done is constantly coming back to me in my mind? And how when all I can think about is the friend who'll no longer talk to me because I was terrible to him? I don't think I'll ever get better while having these things on my mind.

You are not bad person! You deserve to be loved by somebody. We all do mistakes.