I’ll go when she goes

[champagnesupernova9]

My moms been sick. She is my only support. She's the only person who loves me in this world. If I lose her, I won't have anyone and I don't want to live in that grief.

I'm scared to think about it.

 

[Butterfly Moon]

I'm so sorry about your mom. It sucks seeing a person we love suffer from illness. Hugs

 

[flightless bird]

I'm so sorry. What's wrong with her?

 

[champagnesupernova9]

I'm so sorry. What's wrong with her?

she has congestive heart failure. she's just started treatment but she hasn't shown any improvement yet and i worry so much about her.

I'm so sorry about your mom. It sucks seeing a person we love suffer from illness. Hugs

thank you <3

 

[just_wanna_die]

My moms been sick. She is my only support. She's the only person who loves me in this world. If I lose her, I won't have anyone and I don't want to live in that grief.

I'm scared to think about it.

I am in the same circumstance as you are. I'm losing my mom to Alzheimer's disease. She was officially diagnosed with it 4 years ago this month. I've told her many times that I am going to go when you go, if not before. She may reach a state where she can't remember me and at that point, I may as well end it all. It won't matter to her, she will never know and therefore won't grieve my passing. But she has been my best and only friend in this world. To never again be able to share with her whatever happens to me in the future, good or bad, saddens me. No one will love me as deeply as she has nor as long as she has. So when she is no longer around, there is no reason for me to be either. We can be in oblivion together. Just the thought scares me that I may wake up one of these days soon and realize that she is really gone forever, leaving me behind to walk this wicked world alone makes me just want to die. Several years ago, before she lost her ability to remember, we purchased some powered N from China when it was still available (thanks PPeH!) and the plan was to take it together if and when the time for it came. She will not need it now and I can't give her any without committing "murder" (she's in a long-term care facility), so I will take all 25 grams of it and just go to sleep and fade into nothingness in the not-too-distant future. Having that N and this plan is the only solace I have.

 

[champagnesupernova9]

I am in the same circumstance as you are. I'm losing my mom to Alzheimer's disease. She was officially diagnosed with it 4 years ago this month. I've told her many times that I am going to go when you go, if not before. She may reach a state where she can't remember me and at that point, I may as well end it all. It won't matter to her, she will never know and therefore won't grieve my passing. But she has been my best and only friend in this world. To never again be able to share with her whatever happens to me in the future, good or bad, saddens me. No one will love me as deeply as she has nor as long as she has. So when she is no longer around, there is no reason for me to be either. We can be in oblivion together. Just the thought scares me that I may wake up one of these days soon and realize that she is really gone forever, leaving me behind to walk this wicked world alone makes me just want to die. Several years ago, before she lost her ability to remember, we purchased some powered N from China when it was still available (thanks PPeH!) and the plan was to take it together if and when the time for it came. She will not need it now and I can't give her any without committing "murder" (she's in a long-term care facility), so I will take all 25 grams of it and just go to sleep and fade into nothingness in the not-too-distant future. Having that N and this plan is the only solace I have.

I am so, so sorry. it is so awful to see someone you love so dearly struggle so much. My mom has also been my best and only friend. I am so sorry for your pain.

 

[just_wanna_die]

I am so, so sorry. it is so awful to see someone you love so dearly struggle so much. My mom has also been my best and only friend. I am so sorry for your pain.

Thank you! I feel for you too and the hopelessness that you likely feel. You know, when you think about it and boil it all down, life is just a string of constant losses. Everything we have of value in our life will eventually be lost. Does not matter if it was given to us or if we earn it with our own effort. We lose our grandparents, our parents, our pets, our friends (they move away, have a falling out, or die), we lose our siblings and/or children (if any, when they move away or die), we lose our jobs/careers (get laid off, retire, economy changes, etc..), we lose our money (most older people have lost theirs to taxes, inflation and/or swindlers), we lose our homes (to fire, earthquakes, hurricanes, tornadoes, foreclosure, lawsuits, etc...), we lose our spouse (divorce or death), we lose our youth, our health, some like my mother will lose their memories, and eventually, we ALL lose our lives.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

My moms been sick. She is my only support. She's the only person who loves me in this world. If I lose her, I won't have anyone and I don't want to live in that grief.

I'm scared to think about it.

This is EXACTLY how I'm living right now. My mom was the only one left in this world who loved me. She passed going on two years ago. Now, I have no one. I will tell you that it is the most surreal feeling to live in this world knowing that there is no one who loves you. It's like another reality has enveloped my life. There are no words.

 

[champagnesupernova9]

Thank you! I feel for you too and the hopelessness that you likely feel. You know, when you think about it and boil it all down, life is just a string of constant losses. Everything we have of value in our life will eventually be lost. Does not matter if it was given to us or if we earn it with our own effort. We lose our grandparents, our parents, our pets, our friends (they move away, have a falling out, or die), we lose our siblings and/or children (if any, when they move away or die), we lose our jobs/careers (get laid off, retire, economy changes, etc..), we lose our money (most older people have lost theirs to taxes, inflation and/or swindlers), we lose our homes (to fire, earthquakes, hurricanes, tornadoes, foreclosure, lawsuits, etc...), we lose our spouse (divorce or death), we lose our youth, our health, some like my mother will lose their memories, and eventually, we ALL lose our lives.

this is so true. life is loss and suffering. i wish there was a way to get around it. its crazy to me that the people who desperately want to live go through no fault of their own (accident, illness, etc) but those who don't want to be here often get stuck. i hate that about our world.

This is EXACTLY how I'm living right now. My mom was the only one left in this world who loved me. She passed going on two years ago. Now, I have no one. I will tell you that it is the most surreal feeling to live in this world knowing that there is no one who loves you. It's like another reality has enveloped my life. There are no words.

I'm so sorry for your loss. That is so awful.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be painful what you are going through, it really is such a cruel world where such extreme suffering exists. Unfortunately in a life like this pain in some form is simply inevitable, there is no escaping it but at least death will come for us all one day, no matter what and then we will be free. I wish you freedom for when the time is right to leave.

 

[theboy]

I hope she gets better
there is only one mother