ill ctb tonight

[Meditation guide]

yes but ure supposed to have a 2nd glass already prepared. another problem is going to be taking the scales to my room. mb i should try to do it in the kitchen

You need a place to lie down quickly when you drink it. Someplace that you won't fall off of.

 

[MariV]

If a person really wants to die he will find a way no matter what. For example a person can drink sn and break his window and run away. Why is that hard? People You make complications to yourself nothing else

i live on a 3rd floor. other option is waiting till tomorrow. at some point she will leave for doibg groceries. but then no fasting no meto no nothing

 

[Spitfire]

do i need 2 glasses? or can i refill the first one? for the time to feeling shit i mean. i can justify one glass in my room bit not 2

You may become confused while preparing the second glass if you are not quick about it?

You could accidentally knock the second glass over if you are not careful and fell into it, depending on where you place it and if you were sitting up.

A persistent lack of sleep can really mess up being able to think clearly. Any chance you might want to try getting some better rest first?

 

[albino_elk]

Sorry im sad that you want to kill urself i cant help u. I wish U peace.

 

[MariV]

You need a place to lie down quickly when you drink it. Someplace that you won't fall off of.

aha...so a bed...it has to be in my room then..ah what a nightmare

A persistent lack of sleep can really mess up being able to think clearly. Any chance you might want to try getting some better rest first?

yes that would be the best but i cant unless I OD with olanzapine or ghb for instance

 

[Ghost2211]

For SN to take You over needs 5-10mins. Nothing can save you within that time, unles she forces You to drink a buckle of water lmao

Not a single part of what you said was accurate. Please read the guides again.

OP, I'm sorry this has escalated so much. Assuming SN is working as intended you need a minimum of an hour. A better window is 2 -3. Even if they put you in psyc you can bs your way out of it, but not if you get busted attempting. Another option is if you only have an hour set up a partial hanging noose. When you pass out from the SN you will hang. Even people that survive SN pass out.

 

[Spitfire]

I hate hearing you have such trouble with insomnia. Persistent insomnia zaps away some good qualities of life.

I like the advice given to make sure you are somewhere in an area where you can lay yourself down flat, to rest...

Otherwise, you could probably fall over and this might make some kind of loud noise.

 

[MariV]

Not a single part of what you said was accurate. Please read the guides again.

OP, I'm sorry this has escalated so much. Assuming SN is working as intended you need a minimum of an hour. A better window is 2 -3. Even if they put you in psyc you can bs your way out of it, but not if you get busted attempting. Another option is if you only have an hour set up a partial hanging noose. When you pass out from the SN you will hang. Even people that survive SN pass out.

but i dont have any means to hang nor know howbto do it. otherwise id wait till tomorrow and hang in one ofher short stays out. theres a fan on my rooms ceiling...mb that can help? rly dont know

I hate hearing you have such trouble with insomnia. Persistent insomnia zaps away some good qualities of life.

I like the advice given to make sure you are somewhere in an area where you can lay yourself down flat, to rest...

Otherwise, you could probably fall over and this might make some kind of loud noise.

my room has a bed but its closer to hers than the kitchen.any moan can be heard

 

[Ghost2211]

but i dont have any means to hang nor know howbto do it. otherwise id wait till tomorrow and hang in one ofher short stays out. theres a fan on my rooms ceiling...mb that can help? rly dont know

Partial is down low. There are great guides on how partial works in the resource. SN alone is fine, but don't risk it with food in belly or too small a window, or you may be confined to psyc. Are you able to lay low and give the impression that you were just having a stressful time so you can avoid psyc and try to work out a safe time and plan?

 

[MariV]

Partial is down low. There are great guides on how partial works in the resource. SN alone is fine, but don't risk it with food in belly or too small a window, or you may be confined to psyc. Are you able to lay low and give the impression that you were just having a stressful time so you can avoid psyc and try to work out a safe time and plan?

i dont think so. my mother just told me shes sending me w my father tomorrow.ill become crazy there. its either now or never im afraid

 

[Ghost2211]

i dont think so. my mother just told me shes sending me w my father tomorrow.ill become crazy there. its either now or never im afraid

Do you have enough alone time?

 

[MariV]

Partial is down low. There are great guides on how partial works in the resource. SN alone is fine, but don't risk it with food in belly or too small a window, or you may be confined to psyc. Are you able to lay low and give the impression that you were just having a stressful time so you can avoid psyc and try to work out a safe time and plan?

anything with a knife works aswell

 

[Ghost2211]

anything with a knife works aswell

Don't cut friend, trust me. That's a ticket to psyc.

 

[MariV]

Do you have enough alone time?

dunno..any time she can wake up and ask me how im doing or have a walk around

 

[Ghost2211]

dunno..any time she can wake up and ask me how im doing or have a walk around

That sounds risky af. If she wakes and you're vomiting hospital can save you easily. How often does she usually get up?

 

[Spitfire]

my room has a bed but its closer to hers than the kitchen.any moan can be heard

It sounds almost like she will hear and find you if she is home.

There will probably be more than just a moan happening? Convulsions and thrashing around, with heavy breathing could occur.. and become very loud.

 

[MariV]

That sounds risky af. If she wakes and you're vomiting hospital can save you easily. How often does she usually get up?

indeed...well yesterday she had a very deep sleep 1-4 but today who knows. now shes sleeping on the couch and im inbmy room stuffing my pockets with what i need and trying not being discovered.
who decides when you get out from psych ward? i wish i could wake up from the sofa, hug her, smell her lovely motherly parfum and say goodbye...:(
she will get blamed for havin sn at home knowing her child considers suicide...thats also very shitty

It sounds almost like she will hear and find you if she is home.

There will probably be more than just a moan happening? Convulsions and thrashing around, with heavy breathing could occur.. and become very loud.

rly? so bad? the psych ward scares me to death

They won't force feed you in a psych ward. Food might not be great but most people's experience I think is boredom and missing some freedoms and conveniences. It can really suck but it won't last forever. Unsuccessfully CTBing will just make you stay for longer, with tighter restrictions, so personally I wouldn't risk it, I think GoodPersonEffed made some good points, you need to take time over all the decisions that you need to make. Doing it while emotional, without thought all round, could lead to very bad places. There are no easy or simple ways to CTB

rly? ive read they force anorexic patients to get food via NG tube or parenteral. thats so terrible.

i think ure all right...its too risky...ill try to sleep and do it when she goes out tomorrow. problem will be full stomach. but i usually have a shake for breakfast and cookies. will try to hide the cookis and the shake shouldnt be a problem i hope

 

[Spitfire]

who decides when you get out from psych ward?

Each place probably may have their own generic protocols to follow?

Generally, I believe a doctor or psychiatrist or psychologist will approve your discharge, and try to arrange an exit plan or strategy with you when they feel you are ready though.

After so many days, you could be off of an involuntary commitment status, and on to a voluntary committed status for awhile too? They will sometimes do this.. but not exactly tell the person all about the change to keep them longer to be aware...

 

[Ghost2211]

It's hard to say if the shake will be an issue. You can have back up cups ready incase you vomit. Can you fake drinking it or does she watch you?

 

[Silver]

It sounds almost like she will hear and find you if she is home.

There will probably be more than just a moan happening? Convulsions and thrashing around, with heavy breathing could occur.. and become very loud.

Agree. As your house has bedroom doors open, she might hear you even if you were in the kitchen.

 

[MariV]

Each place probably may have their own generic protocols to follow?

Generally, I believe a doctor or psychiatrist or psychologist will approve your discharge, and try to arrange an exit plan or strategy with you when they feel you are ready though.

After so many days, you could be off of an involuntary commitment status, and on to a voluntary committed status for awhile too? They will sometimes do this.. but not exactly tell the person all about the change to keep them longer to be aware...

sounds rly scary. now she jusy came to say good night and going to her bed but if its true that SN is so loud then no way. ill try to do it fast at some point tomorrow and lock myself to delay the rescue as much as i can. lets see

It's hard to say if the shake will be an issue. You can have back up cups ready incase you vomit. Can you fake drinking it or does she watch you?

she is usually there while i drink it. i can throw it in the piss pot i usually carry with myself. she will notice the color though

Agree. As your house has bedroom doors open, she might hear you even if you were in the kitchen.

yes thats exactly the situation...i can hear how she breathes indeed. it wont work. she will catch me for sure

 

[MariV]

nah impossible. she leaves the flat only for a couple of hours at most and she always makes sure that i eat every meal.i guess it will have to be hanging.

ironically today, after 2 failed attempts, i got my N. my mother is supposed to go and pick it up which will take her a whole day.then i can use my SN. having to use SN having N...ah...

 

[Meditation guide]

ironically today, after 2 failed attempts, i got my N. my mother is supposed to go and pick it up which will take her a whole day.then i can use my SN. having to use SN having N...ah...

You got N? Why not use that? That would solve your problem since it's usually around only ten minutes and you just go to sleep?

 

[Deleted member 19654]

nah impossible. she leaves the flat only for a couple of hours at most and she always makes sure that i eat every meal.i guess it will have to be hanging.

ironically today, after 2 failed attempts, i got my N. my mother is supposed to go and pick it up which will take her a whole day.then i can use my SN. having to use SN having N...ah...

Why not just wait and use your N?

 

[Ghost2211]

Your mom doesn't want you to die, but she is bringing you N?

 

[MariV]

Your mom doesn't want you to die, but she is bringing you N?

we started looking for an "emergency" way out months ago. just to have it in the closet and use it if things got dire.
thing is N kept on getting seized again and again and i ended up buying SN.
now finally after much time we got the N by ordering it to another country.it just arrived. shes supposed to go by car to pick it up.

thing is i want to ctb already and she doesnt want me to. weird situation eh

 

[Ghost2211]

we started looking for an "emergency" way out months ago. just to have it in the closet and use it if things got dire.
thing is N kept on getting seized again and again and i ended up buying SN.
now finally after much time we got the N by ordering it to another country.it just arrived. shes supposed to go by car to pick it up.

thing is i want to ctb already and she doesnt want me to. weird situation eh

Sounds like she's all over the map about this. Suicide is all you would use N for, so if she picks it up she must expect the potential of it being used.

 

[Symbiote]

I'm so confused, I thought your mom was against you CTBing? But she gingerly so happy to go pick up your N?

 

[MariV]

I'm so confused, I thought your mom was against you CTBing? But she gingerly so happy to go pick up your N?

its not for me..its for both of us
she has parkinson and says she doesnt want to end up on a wheelchair. actually its not sure if she will be able to go and pick it up as its a long trip and her situation is quite bad. but she doesnt consider mine to be "bad enough"

 

[Ghost2211]

its not for me..its for both of us
she has parkinson and says she doesnt want to end up on a wheelchair. actually its not sure if she will be able to go and pick it up as its a long trip and her situation is quite bad. but she doesnt consider mine to be "bad enough"

That's hypocritical, controlling, and selfish. Why does she get to determine if her pain is enough, but you don't get to determine yours?