Story If you’re good at a job but it makes you miserable, should you continue to do it?

[MellowAvenue]

Bit of a discussion pre-fixed by a story. So yesterday I returned to my old hometown and my old manager called me after he heard I was returning to the area from a buddy of mine who still works there. We had a long, loooooong conversation and I eventually agreed to come in and chat. I knew this was a job offer. I didn't expect the rest.

I went in and they took me into the big office with most of upper management. I was a deer caught in headlights. My old manager basically wanted to bring me back and put me directly under his wing and train me with the intent of making me the new manager of the department by the end of the year. I suspect I know why (It's a Taiwanese company, he's been wanting to go home for as long as I've known him) but the whole thing kind of floored me. I went in with the expectation of saying no but the sheer amount of faith he's putting in me to do this is insane. I can't deny that it made me feel valued so, while I perhaps should have told them I'll think about it, I told them yes.

I was a lead before I left and they alluded to making me a supervisor a few times so I guess this shouldn't have totally blindsided me. I've always knew, and this confirms to me that they always knew, that I was the best at whatever I do there. It's a textiles job. I know how to run and fix every machine in my department and the quality of my work speaks for itself. I put myself in a position that they can't easily replace, maybe me being gone for a year showed them that? I don't know…

…The thing is… I really hate the job. I like the people generally and honestly I probably will never find a better boss but it's long hours, fairly demanding work, and in this new role I'll probably eventually have even more hours! I'll be making more there than I ever have and I always thought that my biggest issue was the pay so maybe I'll be less miserable, but I'm worried I'll burn out yet again. Still, I'm kind of planning on trying to approach it differently this time and try to actually work around the schedule to give myself as much leisure time as I can instead of allowing myself to feel trapped like I have in the past… Basically do something I hate so that I can do things I enjoy.

I'm wondering what other's thoughts are on this? Do you keep doing something you hate if it helps you do stuff you enjoy? Does it increase your SI (I think it did mine because of some of the chemicals we work with)?

 

[Rairii]

That's a tricky situation. I kind of had a job like that, It stressed me out endlessly and I hated it but I liked other things about it that other jobs would not do for me and I enjoyed the people I was around (which is rare for me). It also gave me the money to go do stuff that I really wanted to do but I also worked so much that I barely had time to do anything. My supervisor loved me too because I guess I had good work ethic and all that which did make me feel good. When she was about to leave she kept pressuring me to apply for her position as well but I never did so, I knew I couldn't handle it. I still had suicidal ideations but those didn't necessarily get any worse from what I remember. I do remember my other mental health problems absolutely getting worse, I was crying and having anxiety attacks anytime I was alone or I'd have to run and hide in the restroom because the stress would just get to me. Also got deeply into Anorexia near the end of my employment there as a way to numb all of my emotions so I could function which obviously back fired because then my body couldn't function but yeah. So I personally wouldn't do that again but some people handle these things way better. my tolerance for stress is pretty low, so there's that.

I guess you could give it a try and get out of there if you find it to be too much? I don't know what the job market looks like for you and if you have the capacity to find other jobs that you would like but hopefully there could be a possibility for that. Unless they have you under some contract or something, which would suck.

 

[MellowAvenue]

Thank you for sharing your similar experience. There were a few times where I would have to go the bathroom and cry due to a stressful situation but I think most days I handled the job pressure well. That + other problems at home made me a social wreck though, and I was a complete mess at home though and whenever I was at my lowest points I'd miss large chunks of work which is the main reason I'm still kinda surprised he's willing to offer me this.

Unless they have you under some contract or something, which would suck.

Thank you for bringing that up actually. I know I'll be an hourly employee like I used to be to start but I need to ask if I'll be made a contracted salaried employee when they fully promote me.

 

[Celerity]

Having not worked a job like that before, I can only answer based off of my experience.

I subscribe to the "shit sandwich" model of career selection. Not a fan of Mark Manson otherwise, but I really like this concept and his writeup on it:

The Shit Sandwich - Clarity on Fire

The concept of the shit sandwich is that everything sucks, some of the time. If you want something, you must be willing to take the bad along with the good.

clarityonfire.com

The long and short of it is that everything in life has its price. There is no perfect job, relationship, abode, or even hobby. Literally everything has its downsides and, for many of the big answers to the big questions in life, those downsides can be tremendous. This means that life is about choosing the least shitty of the shit sandwiches you have to eat.

For years, I chased after a career I thought I wanted only to learn that it wasn't nearly as great as I thought it could be and that it came with significant costs I simply wasn't willing to bear. Over the jobs I have held throughout my 20s, I have found that work environment, coworkers, and management ability/style were much more important for job satisfaction than the day-to-day tasks the job required. This inclines me to say that you should keep the job.

That said, the only job I have held on a kind of assembly line where I did the same fucking thing every hour, every day made me feel like I was losing my mind at an even greater pace than at any point in my stupid, depression-and- anxiety-riddled life. If that's the kind of job you would have, no amount of money in the world could make me want to sign back up for that.

What you describe sounds like a managerial position though, which is a very different beast. After you get acclimated, you might like it more than you think. After a 2-3 months of this, you will have a better idea of whether the shit that comes with the job is worth the literal and figurative bread it offers. You can ask yourself then:

Is this shit sandwich worth it?
If not this shit sandwich, what other shit sandwich looks worth it, and when can I get it?

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've actually been in a very similar position to you. Sorry to bore you but this is my story:

I worked as a creative freelancer for a while but it was hard to sustain financially. (There aren't many permanent positions in my field.) I found and got a Head of Department job and relocated to do it. I thought it would still allow me to be creative to an extent but have better job security. I did it for just over 3 years but hated it. Some of the people were nice but I found the job so stressful. I took the plunge and went freelance again. I was lucky enough to immediately find a long period of work in a very similar company. Initially, I was very happy there- being entirely creative again. I got to hear that my superior there was leaving- so I expressed an interest in the role. Then of course, he did leave and the job became just as stressful as the last one had been. Just like you- I went in to a meeting with the boss with the intention of apologising but that now I didn't want the job. But they were such lovely people (more of a family run business), so I kidded myself that it would be ok... Another move across the country... One year later and I'm just as stressed and unhappy as I was before. A fairly sizeable and very exciting freelance opportunity had come my way through meeting someone there- so I went freelance yet again and moved back across the country. I've loved the work since then but I'm a disaster when it comes to finances. With covid on top, I'm now in a real pickle. I still have good relations with both companies I worked for and they do still give me work but I'm now at a stage where I really don't know what to do. I probably should have stuck with the last job to be honest- because they were more willing to be flexible.

So- after that long winded tale (sorry about that...) my advise for what it's worth: Having a stable job is a good thing in the current climate. HOWEVER- there's no point in doing it if it's going to destroy you. If this company sees your worth- I expect others will also. A colleague I worked with (who is now doing the Head of Department job in the first firm) was always VERY good at setting her terms. I was quite frankly amazed at what the company allowed and did for her purely because she demanded it eg. Choosing her hours of work- to start earlier and leave earlier than the rest of us, fuel expenses paid. Plus, she really just worked when she wanted to when she was there with me. (Which didn't help me much.)

What I'm trying to say is- if there are things there you know are going to make you miserable- maybe flag these concerns now and suggest ways of mitigating them eg. I don't want to end up working a 70 hour week! It sounds like the company does really value you- so they likely want you to be happy so you'll stay. That said, from my own experience- if you work every hour you have for them, no one will stop you and it will get to the point where it's just expected. I'm very good at making a rod for my own back... So I guess- maybe consider the job IF you think you and they are willing to make it work for you. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[TAW122]

I think there are multiple factors to consider, but the simple answer is no. If you are able to quickly/reliably find other work (and be financially secure while doing so, or even afterwards), then sure, you have options you can explore. You may even do something of a hybrid, like continue to work (as long as you can still tolerate it) while keeping your options open and looking for another job. Keep in mind you don't want to set off red flags at work by languishing or performing poorly at work as that would raise suspicions and also it is important to leave on good terms, even if it means that you leave sooner than later (better to have a shorter duration of employment and leave on good terms than a longer duration of employment with not as favorable terms). You would want to have good terms because you want to have good references should you decide to pursue another job whether it is in the same field or another field.

 

[Csmith8827]

I would but I'd be looking for something else at the same time.

 

[Someone123]

Is there any way to negptiate less hours if they like you that much, that way you can stay for the long term because the effort is sustainable. Trying to negotiate some delegating of tasks so that you can have a good work-life balance could make a big difference.

 

[MellowAvenue]

Is there any way to negptiate less hours if they like you that much, that way you can stay for the long term because the effort is sustainable. Trying to negotiate some delegating of tasks so that you can have a good work-life balance could make a big difference.

I've tried this before, but they have a bad retention rate and a constant need for manpower, so even if they agree to it they can't honor it ultimately.

 

[Someone123]

I've tried this before, but they have a bad retention rate and a constant need for manpower, so even if they agree to it they can't honor it ultimately.

Then you may want to take this short term fo rthe money but then look for helatheir businesses where your skill set would do well with shorter hours- just my two cents worth.