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If your crush or celebrity crush loved you back, would you still suicide?
Thread starterAvril
Start date
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At one time, it likely would have changed everything. More recently though, I've been happy for any crushes I had to be purely fantasy.
I'm so far from normal now. I struggle so immensely to do the things expected of us- get up, wash, work, keep my environment clean and tidy. I'd hate for another human to see it or me. No one in their right mind would want to live like this.
A partner would either be kind and help me tidy or, do it all or, they would become frustrated with me that it was so bad!
Either way, I don't have the energy for all that now. If it means I can rest, I don't mind letting things fall apart. Plus, I'd feel so guilty, ashamed and in their debt if they did it all for me. I'm used to being independent. It feels uncomfortable if/ when people do help.
Having a partner and being fair to them- to my mind would mean a forced recovery- which I'm really not interested in.
Thankfully too- I can sate my romantic needs with my imaginary crushes.
I'm so selfish too. So used to living alone, doing what I want, when. It would be so weird to have someone else to have to consider the whole time/ feel bad if I was inconveniencing them/ become annoyed if I continually had to bend to their will. I'm not convinced that real relationships work. In observing others, one partner was usually being dominated over by the other.
My celebrity crush which sadly passed away many years ago might push back my ctb date for a few years, but I will still do it in the end. Her love would mean a great deal to me, but no matter how hard she tried she wouldn't have been able to cure my health issues.
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