I'd apologize to Him for not "enduring" through this life.
Hebrews 12-1
And for my porn addictions, that have been lifelong struggle.
And for killing myself and subjecting my family to shame, sadness and depression they might feel because it.
I'd then expect some kind of punishment benefiting my sin. But I have much hope that I will be made acceptable before God because I have believe in Jesus Christ as my Savior.
In my head, the very real reality is (from best to worst):
a. After CTB, I go immediately into the presence of God and all is forgiven.
b. CTB, then I go immediately to God and am punished for my suicide, (but not eternally damned) in whichever way God decides, possibly in a way which allows me to see what my actions have caused upon my family.