If there was anything that could make you change your mind and decide not to ctb, what would it be?

[bigj75]

For me, I guess it would be love. If I just happened to be lucky enough to meet a girl who loved me despite my situation, then I could see maybe trying to make things work. If she was a single mother it would be even better and I would love her children like my own.

I've literally been in that situation.

 

[midastic]

To be honest, if there was anything, it would be a society that isn't so complex, so corrupt, and is full of morals. I am just tired of how sick society could be sometimes. But along with that, I would like to be given the chance to prevent my past terrible actions.

 

[Synthroz]

Honestly , I can't think of anything that would change my mind.

 

[Suicideisnirvana]

I've literally been in that situation.

For me, love in my situation would be too unstable, too fragile and i would be too dependant for it to matter. Depending on just one person is awful, if i started attracting girls now that would be different, it's not that i'm some player that want to be with a lot of girls, one would be enough, but when you know you have other options you don't depend on one person, you don't look needy to her (and therefore less attractive), you don't swallow your pride and accept bad treatment from her because you know you may spend your life alone if she leaves you, you feel less perssure, you act more spontaneously etc, pluw the girl know that you have alternatives, she will see you as having a higher value and respect and try to pleasure you more than if you clinge pathetically to her as your only option, plus in those instances the girl is idealized to an unrealistic extinct, and most girls would either lose attraction or feel suffocated like this, girls want a guy that have value, not a guy that can not attract anyone else.

The ONEITIS syndrome (where you are too dependant on one person, idealize her to unrealistic extent) is the worst disease

 

[bigj75]

To be honest, if there was anything, it would be a society that isn't so complex, so corrupt, and is full of morals. I am just tired of how sick society could be sometimes. But along with that, I would like to be given the chance to prevent my past terrible actions.

For me, love in my situation would be too unstable, too fragile and i would be too dependant for it to matter. Depending on just one person is awful, if i started attracting girls now that would be different, it's not that i'm some player that want to be with a lot of girls, one would be enough, but when you know you have other options you don't depend on one person, you don't look needy to her (and therefore less attractive), you don't swallow your pride and accept bad treatment from her because you know you may spend your life alone if she leaves you, you feel less perssure, you act more spontaneously etc, pluw the girl know that you have alternatives, she will see you as having a higher value and respect and try to pleasure you more than if you clinge pathetically to her as your only option, plus in those instances the girl is idealized to an unrealistic extinct, and most girls would either lose attraction or feel suffocated like this, girls want a guy that have value, not a guy that can not attract anyone else.

The ONEITIS syndrome (where you are too dependant on one person, idealize her to unrealistic extent) is the worst disease

very true. I'm so far gone though that female companionship is not enough for me anymore. I've tried multiple times. You still might have a chance though. Keep your options open. I hope you make it.

 

[Suicideisnirvana]

very true. I'm so far gone though that female companionship is not enough for me anymore. I've tried multiple times. You still might have a chance though. Keep your options open. I hope you make it.

Well i can say the same about you, i feel that almost everyone else has a chance but me, i think that most suicidal people feel that way.

I don't think death is even that of a bad thing anyway, it's not like we would've avoided death if we had a better life.

 

[bigj75]

Well i can say the same about you, i feel that almost everyone else has a chance but me, i think that most suicidal people feel that way.

I don't think death is even that of a bad thing anyway, it's not like we would've avoided death if we had a better life.

I know 2ND chances are possible. I've had one before. I had depression for years until I was 15 then had it beat for two years but then had a physical accident that left me permanently damaged. I was just unlucky. But yes I agree death isn't that bad. It's just that pain is the issue.

 

[mattwitt]

money

 

[bigj75]

money

good one

 

[Suicideisnirvana]

I know 2ND chances are possible. I've had one before. I had depression for years until I was 15 then had it beat for two years but then had a physical accident that left me permanently damaged. I was just unlucky. But yes I agree death isn't that bad. It's just that pain is the issue.

I'm really sorry to hear that, i hope that in your current situation you'll have as much peace as possible, and the least suffering possible.

 

[InsidiousDormouse]

To wake up in a new body, one without the 30+ benzo withdrawal symptoms I have lived with for two years. This thing has changed me so much, I found some old photos in my google photos the other day and compared one of me before the withdrawal to one of me after. The one before has quite an ok look, a bit scruffy but then again that's just me, she has all her hair, her skin is clear, her lips are a healthy pink colour, she doesn't have huge dark circles around her eyes, she smiles. The one after the withdrawal, I took just a couple of days ago, is like looking at a different person. This person, her hairline has receded, her face looks puffy, there's huge dark circles all around her eyes, I don't recognise this person when I look in the mirror. This is just on the outside.

I have so many related health problems, my right leg hurts so much I cannot put weight on it anymore, I bleed right in the middle of each of my period cycles, no idea why, nobody was bothered when I tried to tell the doctors, all they care about is not giving me pain medication. All attempts to get healthcare result in me being asked when my last dose of heroin was, despite me never ever using heroin in all my life.

I am so tired I could sleep 20 hours a day if I was on my own without my dog. At least when I am asleep I can't feel this so much or think about the things it has taken away from me.

In one week I lost all my friends, hobbies, everything, it was all gone in a week once this began. All the things that made my life worth it fell away in just a couple of months. Nobody ever asked how I was doing, I begged people to help me stop this happening to me before it did, I pointed out all the dangers, but nobody intervened on my part and told this addictions treatment agency how dangerous it was to go cold turkey from such a high dose of Benzos, nobody asked what I wanted, nobody helped me at all.

I did so much for these people in the time I knew them, I was always at their houses, I listened to their problems, I did stuff with them, I cared about them. Not one of them ever said 'take me with you to this place, I'll find a way to stop this happening to you', not one.

Nobody called me, nobody messaged me, my life was disintegrating and nobody was bothered one bit.

I wish the OD I had once on some shit called Phenibut, Codeine and Benzos had killed me. Sadly not.

Not even my own husband stood up for me. I almost left him after I had that OD and he fucked off to a hotel rather than make sure I was ok, there was someone else I was close to, not doing anything with, but I was close to him and I liked him a lot, I could have evolved that if I had chosen to. Maybe if I had done so, this other guy may have stood his ground and not let this happen to me, my husband collaborated with them!

You really cannot trust ANYONE at all, not ever, no matter what they say or do.

So yeah, anything with a remote chance of changing things for me is well and truly impossible, so I guess I settle for knowing that when I die, it will be quiet and still, the worst symptoms I have, severe Tinnitus and the feeling of constant vibration all through my body, that will stop when my brain dies, those two things are guaranteed in death, quiet and still. It's a fact, dead ears don't ring and dead muscles and nerves don't vibrate. If there is an afterlife, which I do believe in, then that's all good, but even in the chance there is not, it will still be quiet and still.

 

[throwaway123]

Nothing at all. I'm even contemplating just giving up and quitting HS. It's too much bullshit. Never asked for any of this.

This life is pointless. I like many others here probably try going on hoping things will get better but you realize this life is too harsh, unfair, cruel, pointless, stupid, pathetic, and useless. In the end, my struggles and desires will all be for nothing.

This is why suicide isn't tragic. Someone said something amazing on city-data.

We think falsely that someone dying at 20 is tragic compared to someone who died at 90 but in 200+ years, those 70 years won't make a difference.

Better to just end it now..

I can relate to that.

 

[Death_From_Above]

To wake up in a new body, one without the 30+ benzo withdrawal symptoms I have lived with for two years. This thing has changed me so much, I found some old photos in my google photos the other day and compared one of me before the withdrawal to one of me after. The one before has quite an ok look, a bit scruffy but then again that's just me, she has all her hair, her skin is clear, her lips are a healthy pink colour, she doesn't have huge dark circles around her eyes, she smiles. The one after the withdrawal, I took just a couple of days ago, is like looking at a different person. This person, her hairline has receded, her face looks puffy, there's huge dark circles all around her eyes, I don't recognise this person when I look in the mirror. This is just on the outside.

I have so many related health problems, my right leg hurts so much I cannot put weight on it anymore, I bleed right in the middle of each of my period cycles, no idea why, nobody was bothered when I tried to tell the doctors, all they care about is not giving me pain medication. All attempts to get healthcare result in me being asked when my last dose of heroin was, despite me never ever using heroin in all my life.

I am so tired I could sleep 20 hours a day if I was on my own without my dog. At least when I am asleep I can't feel this so much or think about the things it has taken away from me.

In one week I lost all my friends, hobbies, everything, it was all gone in a week once this began. All the things that made my life worth it fell away in just a couple of months. Nobody ever asked how I was doing, I begged people to help me stop this happening to me before it did, I pointed out all the dangers, but nobody intervened on my part and told this addictions treatment agency how dangerous it was to go cold turkey from such a high dose of Benzos, nobody asked what I wanted, nobody helped me at all.

I did so much for these people in the time I knew them, I was always at their houses, I listened to their problems, I did stuff with them, I cared about them. Not one of them ever said 'take me with you to this place, I'll find a way to stop this happening to you', not one.

Nobody called me, nobody messaged me, my life was disintegrating and nobody was bothered one bit.

I wish the OD I had once on some shit called Phenibut, Codeine and Benzos had killed me. Sadly not.

Not even my own husband stood up for me. I almost left him after I had that OD and he fucked off to a hotel rather than make sure I was ok, there was someone else I was close to, not doing anything with, but I was close to him and I liked him a lot, I could have evolved that if I had chosen to. Maybe if I had done so, this other guy may have stood his ground and not let this happen to me, my husband collaborated with them!

You really cannot trust ANYONE at all, not ever, no matter what they say or do.

So yeah, anything with a remote chance of changing things for me is well and truly impossible, so I guess I settle for knowing that when I die, it will be quiet and still, the worst symptoms I have, severe Tinnitus and the feeling of constant vibration all through my body, that will stop when my brain dies, those two things are guaranteed in death, quiet and still. It's a fact, dead ears don't ring and dead muscles and nerves don't vibrate. If there is an afterlife, which I do believe in, then that's all good, but even in the chance there is not, it will still be quiet and still.

I'm so sorry, your story hits very close to home too...

 

[Deleted member 1465]

For all my symptoms to go away and to be able to sleep. Or just for one doctor to actually listen to me. I could deal with the depression an anxiety, if only I wasn't so horribly unwell.

 

[Ella Disenchanted]

I'm in the time machine camp. A series of events screwed up my life but there was one particular moment that just crushed everything and I never came back from that. If I could just erase that year then I might have made it.

 

[TengoK]

Some companionship and a feeling that I actually belong in the world.

 

[Snee]

i hope my hypersexual shit gone for forever.

 

[couldntthinkofaname]

i hope my hypersexual shit gone for forever.

do you suffer from it?

my libido is barely non existant thats why im asking

 

[Snee]

do you suffer from it?

my libido is barely non existant thats why im asking

yes.its very bad.i cant control my feelings sometimes.i cant talk to girls becaus my mind tells me to f***.
So i have to stay away from them.

 

[bigj75]

yes.its very bad.i cant control my feelings sometimes.i cant talk to girls becaus my mind tells me to f***.
So i have to stay away from them.

I had an escort addiction at one point that got so bad I spent over near 4-5 grand on sex throughout months time so I know that feeling you are talking about.

 

[Final Escape]

For me, I guess it would be love. If I just happened to be lucky enough to meet a girl who loved me despite my situation, then I could see maybe trying to make things work. If she was a single mother it would be even better and I would love her children like my own.

Love, adequate financial situation, therapy

 

[Aragon]

Better life, escaping from current problems. Which "IS NOT" going to happen.

 

[GoneSeptember2018]

A time machine would be adequate for me.

 

[Final Escape]

A time machine would be adequate for me.

Yea that would make me reconsider, since I could go back and make wiser decisions.

 

[GeorgeEastman]

Have a different mind.

Ever since I was a little kid, my reaction to things sucking was always "I should just kill myself." Here I am middle age and still have it. I honestly think most people are just too stupid to think deep enough to get here. To know this is all garbage and you can get out by dying. They think about getting to heaven and even a damn afterlife. To hell with that. I want done. This sucks. It needs finished.

 

[Bazzinga]

A pet? Or someone or something to live for or look forward to, for the next day. A pet would make me last a little longer, I've sadly never owned one....sad ikr? But tbh I hope I don't get to own one, I won't really so I don't have to live that long

 

[Going Home]

Maybe hearing about the sudden and painful death of one of the people trying to make my life hell. I'm told the worst one is a woman. If I hear her head was mistakenly chopped of and rolls down into the train tracks where a train splits it into two that might brighten my day. Maybe it'll be left in a V shape.

 

[deleted]

They revived a two-year topic. Too much money maybe

 

[booray]

Winning the lottery.

 

[Trisolaris]

A cure for the brain damage psych meds caused me.