Discussion If I get my gun, today is probably my last day.

[yellowsouled]

I've been anxious and aparthic and thus up and on half the night. My ammo is listed as ready for pickup @ 9am but the gun is listed as "in progress", so hopefully that refers to needing to do paperwork and not that it isn't ready/there, since it said it was in stock last night. My chronic pain has ramped up a ton in the past month and, as dumb as it may sound, I really don't want to wait around for it to get worse moreso than I already have. So hoping the gun is ready and the background check is relatively quick.

Kind of nervous. I keep daydreaming and worrying that somehow the gun (as a 38 Special) will somehow have zero stopping power at all (which, it's a mid caliber, but +P and was used as a law enforcement ammo for years, so hopefully I'm over analyzing?) and I'll either have just miminal bleeding regardless of where I shoot (which I know is pretty irrational — it's still a gun and I've seen even *air guns* shoot through metal and stuff when pumped), or I'll be alive afterwards for several minutes feeling myself bleed to death. Which would be, as I would say IRL, kind of cringe.

Probably will do behind the ear because it's a snubby (ha) little gun and I don't know how awkward it would be to shove into my mouth. We will see. Wish my luck later, especially since pain makes me act weird as hell and walk awkwardly. B]

 

[darksouls]

I am so sorry you have to go through all this
wish you the best
hope you find relief from suffering

 

[yellowsouled]

I am so sorry you have to go through all this
wish you the best
hope you find relief from suffering

Thank you, friend. I was going to do it in my car, but in my state, there's been past DUI convictions on people being drunk in parked cars even without their keys, so I don't think I want to risk getting arrested or interrogated when I'm about to CTB. I'll have to do it in my room, just lock the door and shove stuff in front of it, then, I guess, send a scheduled text to my younger brother to call 911 and not come in. I'd rather not do it around ANYONE, but not really an option right now. At least (?) my parents aren't home.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this.
I hope you find peace!

 

[yellowsouled]

I'm sorry you have to go through this.
I hope you find peace!

Thanks. I couldn't eat yesterday, both because of pain and nerves. It really sucks because it's making my nauseous but I have a feeling if I eat now I'll get sick by the time I'm meant to leave to get the gun. It's a 40+ minute drive and lots of road work, so last thing I need is to have to pull over to get sick. Keep trying to avoid psyching (siking?) myself out by reminding my brain that just because I have a gun doesn't mean I have to use it if there's a last minute change of heart.

Just hoping there's no complications in getting it. Fingers crossed.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find the relief you search for, I wish you the best.