Isaiah 45 7 says the Lord makes peace and creates evil...
Challu
Life boat
- Aug 29, 2022
- 260
Challu
Life boat
- Aug 29, 2022
- 260
Great thread.
I've been talking/praying/reasoning with myself and God for the last month.. almost 7 hours each day. I keep trying to view His perspective on my decision to CTB and reason if it's fair or not for me to make a choice that is likely against His will for my life. Some of my reasonings:
1. I cannot reason that my suffering alone is worth ending my life, because God also allows joy, laughter and uses the suffering I experience to accomplish His plans.
Whatever way that God may "accomplish" His plans in my life through my suffering, I am supposed to accept it as "His will, not mine".
So I cannot personally say to God, "You have made me suffer too much" as a justification for my suicide, rather I should be grateful that I am apart of this process that He created. By which I can experience the destructive nature of sin and why I must rely on Him - because "He makes all things work together for my good."
2. Living here knowing that my individual human life is vain, but that the actions and decisions that I make to benefit others is valuable -- makes me feel like I have no purpose within my own being/mind. If I don't enjoy life and the only reason I should live is just to benefit other people... it's like I'm not even alive.. I'm just a tool. Should I take pride in being used as a tool? Even if it's for God? Is wanting to commit suicide because I want to be "done" with living in a world where I am just a "tool" for God a reasonable decision?
3. If I choose to live on Earth, and live until 70 or 80, my time will be spent doing/ pursuing things that I consider vain. (family, career, possessions). I've already decided that I don't need to experience this. Living for the sake of living, makes no sense. Living as if I won't eventually die...
So.. yeah.. Ive been placing my focus on refining my relationship with God/Jesus as my time on Earth winds down. I'm constantly ruminating on thoughts like this and directing these feelings to God.. so that maybe He would reveal something that would provide me the answer I need to keep living here.
I've been talking/praying/reasoning with myself and God for the last month.. almost 7 hours each day. I keep trying to view His perspective on my decision to CTB and reason if it's fair or not for me to make a choice that is likely against His will for my life. Some of my reasonings:
1. I cannot reason that my suffering alone is worth ending my life, because God also allows joy, laughter and uses the suffering I experience to accomplish His plans.
Whatever way that God may "accomplish" His plans in my life through my suffering, I am supposed to accept it as "His will, not mine".
So I cannot personally say to God, "You have made me suffer too much" as a justification for my suicide, rather I should be grateful that I am apart of this process that He created. By which I can experience the destructive nature of sin and why I must rely on Him - because "He makes all things work together for my good."
2. Living here knowing that my individual human life is vain, but that the actions and decisions that I make to benefit others is valuable -- makes me feel like I have no purpose within my own being/mind. If I don't enjoy life and the only reason I should live is just to benefit other people... it's like I'm not even alive.. I'm just a tool. Should I take pride in being used as a tool? Even if it's for God? Is wanting to commit suicide because I want to be "done" with living in a world where I am just a "tool" for God a reasonable decision?
3. If I choose to live on Earth, and live until 70 or 80, my time will be spent doing/ pursuing things that I consider vain. (family, career, possessions). I've already decided that I don't need to experience this. Living for the sake of living, makes no sense. Living as if I won't eventually die...
So.. yeah.. Ive been placing my focus on refining my relationship with God/Jesus as my time on Earth winds down. I'm constantly ruminating on thoughts like this and directing these feelings to God.. so that maybe He would reveal something that would provide me the answer I need to keep living here.
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Challu
Life boat
- Aug 29, 2022
- 260
For some people, it's not too late to enjoy life and find hope to pursue their dreams. I'm not one of those people that say life is just pain. Unfortunately, it can be. But there are a lot of people enjoying it. I was once one of them.
Lxions
they/he
- Apr 6, 2023
- 78
some animals do commit suicide, and even self harm… i personally dont believe in a "god", but i believe that we genuinely have no true meaning. we are all put here, and we all die here; we dont have a higher purpose. (all my opinion, anyone is allowed to believe in what they wish!)
Yap. And some lucky people are pretty good in creating a meaning for themselves. It looks like their ridiculous small world from the outside, but I admire these people for their happiness.
Challu
Life boat
- Aug 29, 2022
- 260
Idk who said it in this thread, maybe you but if they are creating "happiness", it just serves as a temporary distraction. I became one of those, like you perhaps, who could not return to a regular way of living. I couldn't keep telling myself that the illusion of happiness that I wanted to create actually mattered. It could no longer inspire me to live for it. So, if I feel that my own happiness doesn't matter, but I still want to find something to live for, I should then look for something else that could give my life meaning, something that isn't just another illusion. And to me that's God.
For some, they become satisfied with the inclusion of God in their lives and live on.
For me, until I am completely separate from this life, I cannot say that I am happy. No amount of prayer or patience can satisfy this because every thing returns back to my choice. Like Valkyrae said, it's my interpretation of the values and truths that I chosen to believe, which aren't directly answered that end up determining my path.
Ultimately, all of that reasoning requires me to give an answer to the questions that result from a life that I cannot measure to be of any worth in of itself.
How long will I have to endure this indescribable lonliness?
This isn't a loneliness that people can solve, but it is one that God can temporarily solve. People can't because it's of a spiritual quality to me, and God can't wholly solve it, because I am still here on Earth. God will only ask that I endure with it. This struggle to endure as a Christian is faith-based.. and there is no ratio of faith that one is required to have.
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Well, if we cannot kill ourselves, that means we are immortal. Because I see no way that we can die but cannot die by our own will. Personlly I'm an atheist, but if you believe god can make everyone able to die but not by their free will. Then I guess god was just nice and gave us a way out. As for animal suicide, their survival instinct is stronger than ours. We have it too, you see people complain about it all the time here. The difference is humans can surpress the survival instinct because we are more intelligent. There have also been cases where animals just give up and wait for themselves to die. Which can count as suicide in a way.
Because Adam/eve chose to eat the "forbidden fruit" which I would say is similar to Pandora's box in Greek mythos
Basically，humans design their own demise when they exercise their supremacy
Basically，humans design their own demise when they exercise their supremacy
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