Venting idk why im still here

[princexhhn]

I keep extending my deadline. i keep saying "ok, tonight" and end up staying another day anyway. what am i doing? what am i waiting for? nothings gonna change. nothing is gonna change no matter how long i keep extending the deadline. if something will change, it should have happened already. why do i keep waiting for nothing. this world has already proven too much for me to handle, why do i still stay and let myself rot and deteriorate and break into pieces hoping and waiting for something that will not happen. i want to be alive, i wish i could be alive, i wish i could go and study and laugh with my friends and go out. living can be beautiful. am i waiting for life to be beautiful for me? is that why im still here? how much ive pushed my deadline and nothing got better, in fact maybe ive only gotten worse. im rotting and breaking into pieces. i want to ctb, but i always end up thinking "maybe tomorrow, maybe things would change" but it never does. i wish that my hope for things to change can be killed already so i can die too.

 

[Enlighten]

Something might change. The world works in mysterious ways sometimes. But the only way to guarantee change is to take action yourself. Wishing the best for you.

 

[saddavyd]

Can you bring change into your life, rather than waiting for life to bring change to you and how you feel? It's a genuine suggestion.

 

[princexhhn]

Can you bring change into your life, rather than waiting for life to bring change to you and how you feel? It's a genuine suggestion.

i do what i can. i study well and try to be kind, there are forces in my life i dont control and cannot change. there is nothing i can do to take my life back, i am not in control. if only i could string around my surroundings and people like a puppet, everything would be fine. i take my medication, i sleep at night, i try not to self harm, i get good grades, i do my best to be kind, i try to hang out and laugh with my only friend or my brother, try to socialize, all for nothing. feels like all those are pretty much useless since my circumstances / environment / whatever still fuck me over so what i do to try is rendered useless

 

[saddavyd]

i do what i can. i study well and try to be kind, there are forces in my life i dont control and cannot change. there is nothing i can do to take my life back, i am not in control. if only i could string around my surroundings and people like a puppet, everything would be fine. i take my medication, i sleep at night, i try not to self harm, i get good grades, i do my best to be kind, i try to hang out and laugh with my only friend or my brother, try to socialize, all for nothing. feels like all those are pretty much useless since my circumstances / environment / whatever still fuck me over so what i do to try is rendered useless

Well working within your sphere of influence is all you can do, so I applaud you for that. Hopefully your situation will improve as time goes on.