Story Ideal place to ctb

[promise.i.tried]

So this is my first post. When I first joined I was so eager to find a perfect method and ctb that Month. After reading several posts here I started noticing loopholes in all the methods I had in mind and grew nervous about my attempt not working hence I'm still here.

Another thing I cannot decide on is where I want to ctb. I still have the fantasy of just being taken out by some other external factor instead of myself but chances of that happening are slim. I also wanted to make my exit look natural or accidental even if I do it myself, but that's complicated also.

A bit of context, I'm 21 and in University some 400km from my home. I honestly do not want to make it to my 22nd birthday, I am tired. My reasons for wanting to ctb are quite lengthy so I won't go into it now.

Last month, I was so sure I would do it. I was planning to poison or hang myself. Now I thought of doing it here in my dorm room at school but didn't like the idea of dying so far from home. I thought it would be an inconvenience to my family to travel this far to collect my body and all. So then I thought of doing it once I got home. I got home and realized the sight of my mom walking into my hanged body may not be pretty.

So I don't know now when or where I'll ctb but I'd really like for it to be soon. I was also unsure of what to post here so this may be a bit random. I just really enjoy reading everyone else's posts and I am so grateful I found this lovely community.

 

[ConstantPain]

You are not alone! I struggle with a lot of the same thoughts about how, where and when. I also wish that something would just take me out but that's taking way too long. It sucks to constantly see and hear about people dying and wish it was me.

Part of me wants to buy a gun because it's got a high rate of lethality. I'm pretty sure I could buy one easily enough since I live in the awful, backwards, stupid south. Or, I have thought that I might actually enjoy slitting my wrists and feeling myself bleed to death. My veins pop right out so I could slice all the way to my elbows. Or if I can plan the travel and time it right, I'd like to go to my rural, northern home town, walk deep into the woods in the dead of winter, take a bunch of ambien and freeze to death.

Sometimes it's nice to just fantasize.and get out the stuff that I couldn't share anywhere else. This is a great community for that and I appreciate it too.

 

[promise.i.tried]

You are not alone! I struggle with a lot of the same thoughts about how, where and when. I also wish that something would just take me out but that's taking way too long. It sucks to constantly see and hear about people dying and wish it was me.

Part of me wants to buy a gun because it's got a high rate of lethality. I'm pretty sure I could buy one easily enough since I live in the awful, backwards, stupid south. Or, I have thought that I might actually enjoy slitting my wrists and feeling myself bleed to death. My veins pop right out so I could slice all the way to my elbows. Or if I can plan the travel and time it right, I'd like to go to my rural, northern home town, walk deep into the woods in the dead of winter, take a bunch of ambien and freeze to death.

Sometimes it's nice to just fantasize.and get out the stuff that I couldn't share anywhere else. This is a great community for that and I appreciate it too.

Thank you so much. I do feel relieved everytime I'm here and realize I'm not alone. Being able to also share my thoughts as they are without fearing judgement is also very refreshing. I hope we do figure it out sometime, the method, time and location. Until then, we'll just keep fantasizing, wishing other people's deaths were out own and just interacting here.

 

[MicahBell]

So this is my first post. When I first joined I was so eager to find a perfect method and ctb that Month. After reading several posts here I started noticing loopholes in all the methods I had in mind and grew nervous about my attempt not working hence I'm still here.

Another thing I cannot decide on is where I want to ctb. I still have the fantasy of just being taken out by some other external factor instead of myself but chances of that happening are slim. I also wanted to make my exit look natural or accidental even if I do it myself, but that's complicated also.

A bit of context, I'm 21 and in University some 400km from my home. I honestly do not want to make it to my 22nd birthday, I am tired. My reasons for wanting to ctb are quite lengthy so I won't go into it now.

Last month, I was so sure I would do it. I was planning to poison or hang myself. Now I thought of doing it here in my dorm room at school but didn't like the idea of dying so far from home. I thought it would be an inconvenience to my family to travel this far to collect my body and all. So then I thought of doing it once I got home. I got home and realized the sight of my mom walking into my hanged body may not be pretty.

So I don't know now when or where I'll ctb but I'd really like for it to be soon. I was also unsure of what to post here so this may be a bit random. I just really enjoy reading everyone else's posts and I am so grateful I found this lovely community.

i always really wanted to ctb on an overcast, or one of those snowy days where it makes the whole night sky a light grey. thats the weather i feel most comfortable and calm in and the world is quiet. but winter is so far away and i don't think i can live long enough to have the kind of satisfying death i want ㅠㅠ

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand just wanting to be free from it all, I also feel so tired of suffering, I hope you find the relief you search for, I wish you the best.