i would want my friends to be glad im not here

[owarikigan]

i know some who still choose to be in my presence for whatever reason would miss me to an extent and i can imagine the pain but i can't imagine being expected to stay in this world anymore. i feel like suicide is the closest to peace and freedom i'll ever get and i would hope that they're glad i don't have to bear witness to the horrors of humanity anymore, but it hurts that i can't just go somewhere peaceful with the people i love. ideally i'd want to leave the vitriol on earth for those who wish to stay and corrupt it further
i also know i've mentioned directly not wanting people to be so glad about my death but this mostly applies to strangers, people who dont know how greatly im suffering yet do/have done horrible things to say the least. my only two friends, the ones i dont feel obliged to hide around know how deeply ill i am and how inescapable my situation is and at that point how could you blame me. i don't like that being suicidal is now just a part of my personality that happens so frequently that it eventually becomes ignored because every low truly feels worse than the last but i'm never taken seriously

 

[Forever Sleep]

I can relate to what you mean. I'm also hoping people could try to feel relieved for me. Rather than sad or angry.