I wonder if my friends will regret not helping me when they had the chance

[burninghill]

I've been open about suicidal and my attempts, they've seen my extensive self harm and all they can do is be angry at me because I ghosted them while I tried to kill myself.

I hope when I really kill myself in 16 days that they look back on the past year and question why they didn't give a shit. I'd give anything to watch them find out I'm dead over and over and over again. I want to watch everyone mourn and cry forever.

Everyone except my mum, sister, brother and stepdad deserves to sit and question why they didn't fucking help me. My parents too sort of but, I love them too much to blame them.

 

[charlavail]

that's how i feel. people were all up in arms and checking in on me all the time when i was "actively suicidal" (aka i spoke to much to my psych team) but now that I'm "better" (slowly rotting away in my apartment, acting normal) no one gives a shit. family stopped checking in, friends stopped checking in so i'm sure they will regret it. and so will your friends. everyone always has this "omg i wish i would have done xyz" whenever someone close to them CTB to soothe their ego but I'm like "well why tf didn't you?"

 

[Zura]

the people who would me most effected by your death would be the ones you love the most your family
your friends would really be sad but i think they will move on eventually its just that everyone has so much going on in their lives so as long as something doesnt happen to like our immediate family or our loved ones even tho they will be sad they will move on
sorry if i came off as rude or insensitive again i am just a stranger who dont really know anything about your situation
maybe try talking to your family how you are feeling maybe your siblings if you feel like maybe they will get it more since there is less age gap if that makes sense

 

[meowme0w]

I feel so awful for thinking like this, but honestly same...The only thing i'm sad about when it comes to dying is that I won't be able to see other people's reactions to my death. Will they even be that sad?? IM GONNA DIE IN THE AFTERLIFE FOR A 2ND TIME FROM CURIOSITY!!!

I don't blame any of my friends for anything, but my family...man. It wasn't that long ago that for the first time I told them that I "want to die", and they lowkey didn't give a shiiiit. Literally nothing changed. Will they regret not taking me seriously once i'm actually gone? Just got my SN in the mail yayyyy

 

[An Empty Soul]

I've been open about suicidal and my attempts, they've seen my extensive self harm and all they can do is be angry at me because I ghosted them while I tried to kill myself.

I hope when I really kill myself in 16 days that they look back on the past year and question why they didn't give a shit. I'd give anything to watch them find out I'm dead over and over and over again. I want to watch everyone mourn and cry forever.

Everyone except my mum, sister, brother and stepdad deserves to sit and question why they didn't fucking help me. My parents too sort of but, I love them too much to blame them.

The anger you feel towards the people who don't listen to you, ignore your pain, and even get angry about it, is so justified... When you receive negative reactions from those you expect support from in your worst moments, you want to prove the reality of your pain, to say, "See, I wasn't joking." This desire is actually a result of your hunger for understanding and recognition.

But I want you to consider this: You want to watch them mourn, regret, and cry because you need them to prove that they truly love and value you. But if you're not there, you won't have the chance to see their regret. The greatest and most meaningful answer you can give them is to emerge from this darkness and build your own life independently of them.

You say you love your family (your mother, your siblings) and don't blame them. For them, this wouldn't be a 'mourning,' but a lifelong devastation. I know you don't want to leave this burden on them because you love them.

The fact that you have a plan for 16 days from now shows that you don't see any light at the end of the tunnel right now. But 16 days is a very long time to change things. Come on, instead of focusing on the regrets of those people, let's focus on securing your place alongside those who truly care about you.

I know you're exhausted right now. But you need to get through this night. Please talk to a professional. They won't be angry with you, judge you, or ignore you. They'll just help you ease this pain.

 

[Aflame5926]

The anger you feel towards the people who don't listen to you, ignore your pain, and even get angry about it, is so justified... When you receive negative reactions from those you expect support from in your worst moments, you want to prove the reality of your pain, to say, "See, I wasn't joking." This desire is actually a result of your hunger for understanding and recognition.

But I want you to consider this: You want to watch them mourn, regret, and cry because you need them to prove that they truly love and value you. But if you're not there, you won't have the chance to see their regret. The greatest and most meaningful answer you can give them is to emerge from this darkness and build your own life independently of them.

You say you love your family (your mother, your siblings) and don't blame them. For them, this wouldn't be a 'mourning,' but a lifelong devastation. I know you don't want to leave this burden on them because you love them.

The fact that you have a plan for 16 days from now shows that you don't see any light at the end of the tunnel right now. But 16 days is a very long time to change things. Come on, instead of focusing on the regrets of those people, let's focus on securing your place alongside those who truly care about you.

I know you're exhausted right now. But you need to get through this night. Please talk to a professional. They won't be angry with you, judge you, or ignore you. They'll just help you ease this pain.

i kinda agree on this.

I hope when I really kill myself in 16 days that they look back on the past year and question why they didn't give a shit. I'd give anything to watch them find out I'm dead over and over and over again. I want to watch everyone mourn and cry forever.

this sounds only like trying to get back to them. i think you skipped a lot of things here and there. if this is our sole reason to get your right i would say stop it. or explain in a bit more words what going on

 

[Aplev]

A lot of the time I wished/wish I could be gone for this reason. In my case, I really hate them all.

In reality, most if not all will just forget me, I believe. I find this to be the saddest, and most tragic part.

 

[ThatsAllFolks2218]

I really wish I could not care how my death if I CTB affected people either they will mourn me or will feel inconvenienced by me. I never told my friend or my sibling that I tried to attempt abroad or even when my friend was gone for three days. I feel so selfish thinking about what will happens if I was discovered and how they will feel. I feel I can't keep expecting for them to constantly show they care, even at face value.

 

[burninghill]

i kinda agree on this.


this sounds only like trying to get back to them. i think you skipped a lot of things here and there. if this is our sole reason to get your right i would say stop it. or explain in a bit more words what going on

I don't really owe anyone on here an explanation as to my situation to justify my reason for suicide, but I actually have a dozen other posts explaining it day by day. I have been chronically suicidal since I was 12. Obviously getting back at people for being assholes isn't my only reason for wanting to kill myself.

The anger you feel towards the people who don't listen to you, ignore your pain, and even get angry about it, is so justified... When you receive negative reactions from those you expect support from in your worst moments, you want to prove the reality of your pain, to say, "See, I wasn't joking." This desire is actually a result of your hunger for understanding and recognition.

But I want you to consider this: You want to watch them mourn, regret, and cry because you need them to prove that they truly love and value you. But if you're not there, you won't have the chance to see their regret. The greatest and most meaningful answer you can give them is to emerge from this darkness and build your own life independently of them.

You say you love your family (your mother, your siblings) and don't blame them. For them, this wouldn't be a 'mourning,' but a lifelong devastation. I know you don't want to leave this burden on them because you love them.

The fact that you have a plan for 16 days from now shows that you don't see any light at the end of the tunnel right now. But 16 days is a very long time to change things. Come on, instead of focusing on the regrets of those people, let's focus on securing your place alongside those who truly care about you.

I know you're exhausted right now. But you need to get through this night. Please talk to a professional. They won't be angry with you, judge you, or ignore you. They'll just help you ease this pain.

I have considered that I won't be able to see their regret, heavily. I attempted suicide twice late last year and I got to the point where I considered staging a failed attempt so that I could get the help I know I deserve.

It has not just been 16 days. I have attempted several times over the last almost decade and the cycle repeats itself over and over again. If 8 years couldn't fix this then I don't think that 2 weeks will.

I have spoken to professionals, but I don't want to anymore.
I am willing to subject my family to 'lifelong devastation' if it means I can get out of this.

I'm really sorry if I come off as hostile in my replies, I'm just it very open to accepting help right now and I don't typically get these sorts of responses.

that's how i feel. people were all up in arms and checking in on me all the time when i was "actively suicidal" (aka i spoke to much to my psych team) but now that I'm "better" (slowly rotting away in my apartment, acting normal) no one gives a shit. family stopped checking in, friends stopped checking in so i'm sure they will regret it. and so will your friends. everyone always has this "omg i wish i would have done xyz" whenever someone close to them CTB to soothe their ego but I'm like "well why tf didn't you?"

Genuinely. All of the stupid suicide resources tell you to get help and to open up to those around you but I'm tired of opening up to people who don't care about me.

People tell you to ask for help assuming that everyone cares or knows what the fuck to say, but in reality barely anybody does.