Venting i woke up and my first thought is to die.

[notevenhere]

it's such fucking torture. it's currently 10pm, on a friday night. i woke up after a call from someone who's literally my entire life purpose and wants nothing to do with me anymore because i keep hurting him. i chose to lose friends and not interact with anymore people because i am content with him but he thinks it's crazy and unhealthy how attached i am to him and now, he says i fucked it up and I lost him and can never get it back. that makes me want to die. he got angry that I'm in a forum like this, saying things like how could you? playing a part in other people's deaths?

like he's not doing the same to me for pushing me away. i cannot, for the life of me, do this anymore. i'm so delusional. I don't want to get better. I want to be with him. i meant it when I said the only reason i wanted to get better was to have a future with him but i fucked it all up for being mentally ill. I'm tired of trying. I'm not gonna meet another person and try anymore. it always end badly.

and this isn't just someone. this is the love of my life. I've known him 13 years. how can he just. not want a romantic thing with me anymore. he said he thought I'd be more mature.

god, just give me the sn and the pills. i beg of you. i can no longer survive like this.

 

[iloverachel]

Sounds very horrible what you are going through I am truly sorry

 

[notevenhere]

Sounds very horrible what you are going through I am truly sorry

I don't know what to do anymore. it's so hopeless and bleak. When I used to be this suicidal, I had friends that could come over but I live in a different city now and they've forgotten about me.

 

[WoNkEy_DoNkEy]

Us on here not being the type to be the first to push suicide and methods as the first solution, I'd say that things do sound pretty awful and I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. I'm guessing above all else it's that length of time that you've been used to having him in your life? Try to give yourself some weeks to reflect on what's happening and get some kinda help before suicide becomes your go-to solution.

 

[PINKIESISU]

it's such fucking torture. it's currently 10pm, on a friday night. i woke up after a call from someone who's literally my entire life purpose and wants nothing to do with me anymore because i keep hurting him. i chose to lose friends and not interact with anymore people because i am content with him but he thinks it's crazy and unhealthy how attached i am to him and now, he says i fucked it up and I lost him and can never get it back. that makes me want to die. he got angry that I'm in a forum like this, saying things like how could you? playing a part in other people's deaths?

like he's not doing the same to me for pushing me away. i cannot, for the life of me, do this anymore. i'm so delusional. I don't want to get better. I want to be with him. i meant it when I said the only reason i wanted to get better was to have a future with him but i fucked it all up for being mentally ill. I'm tired of trying. I'm not gonna meet another person and try anymore. it always end badly.

and this isn't just someone. this is the love of my life. I've known him 13 years. how can he just. not want a romantic thing with me anymore. he said he thought I'd be more mature.

god, just give me the sn and the pills. i beg of you. i can no longer survive like this.

Yep been this way for many many years I hate waking up

 

[KillingPain267]

Waking up feels like I have died already and my soul transported to hell

 

[Alltheywanted]

For me it's like when I wake up there are those 10 seconds of innocence but after that I come back to the reality and thoughts keep coming into my head lol