I hate myself. But, as my GP pointed out yesterday, part of me seems to like myself, at least a little bit. The fact that I'm not simply tolerating harmful behaviour from others towards me suggests that I do care about myself, at least a little bit. I wish this wasn't the case. I wish I could hate myself completely, consistently, so that I could ctb. Because at the moment I don't feel able to. I want to live, but at the same time I hate myself so much that I don't even want to try to fix my nutrition or lose weight. But if I continue as I am now, I will likely end up malnourished with severe health problems, as I am currently not eating healthy things such as vegetables at all.
