Venting I wish I was ready to CTB

[Yaffle]

As the title really, just a vent.

Had a horrific day that just reiterates the fact I want to CTB. I don't want to be here but with all the will in the world and even if I had zero SI I'm just not able to run for the bus yet, too much to do before I can leave.

I'm dreading Christmas and New Year but if I can just get myself sorted before and get my method prepared I'll plough through it.

Still mainly looking at inert gas or GULPS CO but had a night of hanging thoughts last night which is highly unusual for me. Pretty sure it'll be gas or one sort or another.

Hate this world, hate my life, I don't want to be here.

 

[Hystearical]

Same, I am scared I won't be able to go through with it.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's certainly understandable just wishing to be gone, I get that it's so dreadful feeling trapped in an existence you hate that just causes so much suffering.

 

[cherry7]

It's certainly understandable just wishing to be gone, I get that it's so dreadful feeling trapped in an existence you hate that just causes so much suffering.

Yes exactly this. I wish it too so so much.