Venting I wish i was ok

[maplebar]

Maybe i am ok physically, but mentally no way. Im so tired and desperate, everynight i wish tonight will be the night that i somehow manage to catch the bus in my sleep. I dont have anyone to call my close friend anymore, i should feel sad about this. But at the same time im very happy they found other people to focus on instead of me, because when im gone they wont be too sad and everything will restore like they never knew me. Maybe my death will have an impact on some people, and maybe it wont. Maybe this is all selfish. Maybe this whole time im just faking it, faking it to the point where I actually just believe it, maybe i convinced myself.
It's going to be soon, I just hope to whatever that it will work

 

[Pr3TTyB1rd]

I'm sorry you're experiencing this. I understand the feelings of selfishness, but at the end of the day we need to do stuff for ourselves even if other people see them as selfish. I've had to repeat that to myself the more the week goes on, because my date is in 7 days. I wish you luck. ^^