ceasellthepain
Member
- Nov 10, 2025
- 6
my attempts have been nothing short of failures. every time i get close, i suddenly back out and then feel miserable for the rest of the day/night i attempted.
im already at the risk of getting kicked out of our house (for the reason of, well, expressing that i also want a good mental health...)
im tired of just resorting to sh every time. it feels good, but im sure nothing would feel better than laying myself to rest for good.
I dont even have anything to live for. my family dislikes me, my friends ignore my cries for help, i feel nothing but fear in our home, im losing interest in everything, and i relapse more often than ever.
in short, ive got nothing to lose. yet i still cowardly pull myself back whenever i get so close to succeeding in death. i really dont understand. ive wanted this since i was a child yet i cant bring myself to go through with it. ive written and re-written letters only for them to sit there for a few days and then thrown out. it probably sounds selfish, but even though i feel sad for them, i often find myself wishing that i was the one who would get into tragic accidents, instead of regular people who have futures.
i cant put my exact thoughts into words, but to put it simply, and this sounds weirdly corny, but its like my mind constantly repeats the word 'death'. like its something to cling to, something to rest my head on.
im already at the risk of getting kicked out of our house (for the reason of, well, expressing that i also want a good mental health...)
im tired of just resorting to sh every time. it feels good, but im sure nothing would feel better than laying myself to rest for good.
I dont even have anything to live for. my family dislikes me, my friends ignore my cries for help, i feel nothing but fear in our home, im losing interest in everything, and i relapse more often than ever.
in short, ive got nothing to lose. yet i still cowardly pull myself back whenever i get so close to succeeding in death. i really dont understand. ive wanted this since i was a child yet i cant bring myself to go through with it. ive written and re-written letters only for them to sit there for a few days and then thrown out. it probably sounds selfish, but even though i feel sad for them, i often find myself wishing that i was the one who would get into tragic accidents, instead of regular people who have futures.
i cant put my exact thoughts into words, but to put it simply, and this sounds weirdly corny, but its like my mind constantly repeats the word 'death'. like its something to cling to, something to rest my head on.
