Venting I wish I had the courage.

[failedmind]

I haven't ordered SN yet out of nervousness. I know I will soon, but the courage I really need is just to go ahead and CTB. I wish it wasnt so fucking hard. Such a mental battle. I could order the SN now and take it as soon as it arrives but I'm scared. What about my family? What if the SI is too much and I can't drink it? Who will find me? What if I regret it?

I'm so fucking tired of this mental battle. I want to die so badly, so why do I still doubt? I still cry at the thought of leaving the ones who love me even though I know I can't keep struggling here. SI is such a bitch. I'm so tired. I wish I could just die in my sleep.

 

[biosphere]

I feel this completely. I've hovered over the checkout button countless times. I know I should get it soon for peace of mind because there's just no way of knowing when DMC goes down, but I'm so anxious!

 

[LifeIsASadist]

I feel this completely. I've hovered over the checkout button countless times. I know I should get it soon for peace of mind because there's just no way of knowing when DMC goes down, but I'm so anxious!

I hope it lasts when my I move
Xanax will help kill your desire for survival if you can somehow get it.

 

[failedmind]

I feel this completely. I've hovered over the checkout button countless times. I know I should get it soon for peace of mind because there's just no way of knowing when DMC goes down, but I'm so anxious!

Me too! I do it every single day. I just stare at the website and it hits me that all I have to do is order it and drink it and I'll be gone. I need to get it out of peace of mind as well. I'm just nervous :(

 

[anonymousperson]

Same. I am mostly worried about the discomfort/pain before it. Afraid of surviving a jump and also wouldn't have the guts...I've seen people survive skydiving when their parachute never deployed and broke every bone in their body and were paralyzed. That would be even worse.

I wish I could die in a freak accident where I never saw it coming and don't feel any pain. I regret not going into anesthesiology because it would be SO EASY if I had access to those drugs (probably why there is a high rate of self exiting among anesthesiologists).

 

[UglyLife82]

I'm in the same boat as you. Despite all the pain i'm in, and the suffering I face, I'm still to scared to just CTB and be done with it all. Too scared to even end my own suffering, what an awful limbo to be stuck in