here_for_now
is this by design?
- Jan 27, 2025
- 158
today while my uncle prescribed me my regular dose of micromanaging plus emotional abuse without my consent of course, he also threatened to physically assault me again today.
Like any person is told to do when a crime is being committed or when they feel unsafe i call the police and i really regret doing so. Because for the last few times i called them they also did absolutely nothing and always sent another officer upstairs to tell my abuser to go to court to kick me out.
Like usual the cops mimize my abuse and outright deny it under the guise of "we dont know for sure" even though he choked me for over 30 seconds unprovoked with clear intent to harm 3 times in the last 8 months. This last time happened within this month and it was so bad i had to go to the ER. So i told them to check the ER records to see it lining up.
Of course they skip over this fact and tell me basically to get a job and move (I'm partially disabled so this is fucking almost impossible unless your lucky but like most of society they are ableist against the disabled) and to add insult to injury he chalked my partial disability up to me being lazy and he said "i didnt want to do the work"
Of course the police doesnt care. It's both societal and systemic ableism and eugenics because they would love to see me ctb because I'm considered the undesireable and i dont care anymore. I wish i had a ctb method i could access so i could just die and enter peace for once.
Of course when my uncle called my mom and my grandma they didnt scold him or come to my honor after he threatened to beat me up again today, they literally came to his rescue and lied to the officer SAYING MY ABUSER UNCLE FEELS UNSAFE and now my abusive garbage family is forcing me to abandon the last inch of privacy i have left which is my own bedroom and come to their also abusive house where i get to upgrade to sleeping in the living room and i dont have a choice I'm being abused and bullied out of my own room into worst circumstances.
I just want to die so fucking badly this is all some cruel joke I'm not getting because my entire existence is the punchline my mom then said not even 2 hours ago of the time of this post that my chronic pain is fake and I'm not allowed to get my pain meds anymore if i want to live with them and she is forcing me into. Severe medication withdrawal all because she is abusive and toxic and she doesnt believe my 1.5 years plus lifelong chronic pain is 'real'.
Can she read my mind to see if it's real, she loves me that little that she wants to have so much power over my life that i cant take fucking meds? My sister and brother can take their meds with no issues, but me? Nope not allowed meds to reduce my suffering.
Fine ill be forced to go in opioid withdrawal for my abusive moms comfort but i promise them this, i will very carefully plan my next suicide attempt and it will work with some luck.
Even today my grandma told me to shoot myself because in her own words "life is not right for you" she's right but she knows she said in a bullying type way. I regret being born, i almost died a few times in my life and i wish that would've happened because my life will always be miserable and even my own mom laughs at my face and denies my illness
Like any person is told to do when a crime is being committed or when they feel unsafe i call the police and i really regret doing so. Because for the last few times i called them they also did absolutely nothing and always sent another officer upstairs to tell my abuser to go to court to kick me out.
Like usual the cops mimize my abuse and outright deny it under the guise of "we dont know for sure" even though he choked me for over 30 seconds unprovoked with clear intent to harm 3 times in the last 8 months. This last time happened within this month and it was so bad i had to go to the ER. So i told them to check the ER records to see it lining up.
Of course they skip over this fact and tell me basically to get a job and move (I'm partially disabled so this is fucking almost impossible unless your lucky but like most of society they are ableist against the disabled) and to add insult to injury he chalked my partial disability up to me being lazy and he said "i didnt want to do the work"
Of course the police doesnt care. It's both societal and systemic ableism and eugenics because they would love to see me ctb because I'm considered the undesireable and i dont care anymore. I wish i had a ctb method i could access so i could just die and enter peace for once.
Of course when my uncle called my mom and my grandma they didnt scold him or come to my honor after he threatened to beat me up again today, they literally came to his rescue and lied to the officer SAYING MY ABUSER UNCLE FEELS UNSAFE and now my abusive garbage family is forcing me to abandon the last inch of privacy i have left which is my own bedroom and come to their also abusive house where i get to upgrade to sleeping in the living room and i dont have a choice I'm being abused and bullied out of my own room into worst circumstances.
I just want to die so fucking badly this is all some cruel joke I'm not getting because my entire existence is the punchline my mom then said not even 2 hours ago of the time of this post that my chronic pain is fake and I'm not allowed to get my pain meds anymore if i want to live with them and she is forcing me into. Severe medication withdrawal all because she is abusive and toxic and she doesnt believe my 1.5 years plus lifelong chronic pain is 'real'.
Can she read my mind to see if it's real, she loves me that little that she wants to have so much power over my life that i cant take fucking meds? My sister and brother can take their meds with no issues, but me? Nope not allowed meds to reduce my suffering.
Fine ill be forced to go in opioid withdrawal for my abusive moms comfort but i promise them this, i will very carefully plan my next suicide attempt and it will work with some luck.
Even today my grandma told me to shoot myself because in her own words "life is not right for you" she's right but she knows she said in a bullying type way. I regret being born, i almost died a few times in my life and i wish that would've happened because my life will always be miserable and even my own mom laughs at my face and denies my illness
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