I wish I could have someone there to hold my hand when I die

[Simurgh]

I wish I could have someone to hold me and comfort me while I go.

I wish I could say my goodbyes to everyone and be seen off gently and warmly.

Instead, I have to do this shameful dirty difficult difficult difficult thing all on my own.

Life was such a painful struggle, it's cruel that death needs to be as well.

 

[lionetta12]

I wish I could have someone to hold me and comfort me while I go.

I wish I could say my goodbyes to everyone and be seen off gently and warmly.

Instead, I have to do this shameful dirty difficult difficult difficult thing all on my own.

Life was such a painful struggle, it's cruel that death needs to be as well.

It's so upsetting to me how terminally ill people can get their assisted suicide and they also get to be open without feeling guilt, shame or judged by anyone about it. They get to have someone next to them when they pass. But we can't.

 

[Simurgh]

It's so upsetting to me how terminally ill people can get their assisted suicide and they also get to be open without feeling guilt, shame or judged by anyone about it. They get to have someone next to them when they pass. But we can't.

I understand the why of it, but it is deeply cruel none the less.

 

[TimetoGo!]

I wish I could have someone to hold me and comfort me while I go.

I wish I could say my goodbyes to everyone and be seen off gently and warmly.

Instead, I have to do this shameful dirty difficult difficult difficult thing all on my own.

Life was such a painful struggle, it's cruel that death needs to be as well.

Very true words but……

The problem is, if suicide was made into a "nice" thing, you would get far too many people CTB over small things and think its the answer.

 

[Simurgh]

Very true words but……

The problem is, if suicide was made into a "nice" thing, you would get far too many people CTB over small things and think its the answer.

Yeah, I absolutely understand there are very good reasons why it's not easily accessible and socially acceptable. It's just a bit shitty to have to go through all of this alone.

 

[TimetoGo!]

Yeah, I absolutely understand there are very good reasons why it's not easily accessible and socially acceptable. It's just a bit shitty to have to go through all of this alone.

Completely agree.

Your friends and family would never want or let you CTB.

 

[vultureilse]

id like to die while hugging someone i think thatd be a really comfortable death. like just peacefully fall asleep in someones arms and just never wake up

sad to think that im gonna have to do it completely alone

 

[Simurgh]

id like to die while hugging someone i think thatd be a really comfortable death. like just peacefully fall asleep in someones arms and just never wake up

sad to think that im gonna have to do it completely alone

I'd wish that for both of us.

I'm sorry you'll be alone.

I hope you find peace.

 

[aforestfire]

it's sad that most of us had to spend the whole life alone and will die in that same way. i frequently wish i could be there for people in their last moments, even if i don't know them, i guess i want someone to do that for me too.
to me, dying alone is scarier than death itself.

 

[peaches]

When I was quite a bit younger, that intense feeling of being alone, loneliness, is ultimately what stopped me.
All I had to do was light, the small coal barbecue in the very small room and let the sleeping pills put me to sleep.
When it came to doing that last act, just lighting the coals, which were safely in barbecue in a bathtub, I couldn't bear the loneliness.
A lot of life has passed since then, but I have never lost my need to
Ctb. It is the first and most intense place I go when I am faced with crippling despair.
And, I have very difficult feelings about not being able to do that final act on that day.
Does any of this sound familiar to anyone out there?

 

[crowbait]

I want this more than anything. I went through life so alone, I don't wanna leave alone too.

 

[Simurgh]

it's sad that most of us had to spend the whole life alone and will die in that same way. i frequently wish i could be there for people in their last moments, even if i don't know them, i guess i want someone to do that for me too.
to me, dying alone is scarier than death itself.

I wish none of us had to be alone for this.

When I was quite a bit younger, that intense feeling of being alone, loneliness, is ultimately what stopped me.
All I had to do was light, the small coal barbecue in the very small room and let the sleeping pills put me to sleep.
When it came to doing that last act, just lighting the coals, which were safely in barbecue in a bathtub, I couldn't bear the loneliness.
A lot of life has passed since then, but I have never lost my need to
Ctb. It is the first and most intense place I go when I am faced with crippling despair.
And, I have very difficult feelings about not being able to do that final act on that day.
Does any of this sound familiar to anyone out there?

Very. I was too afraid to do it fourteen years ago, and with where my life has ended up now I feel much regret over it.
I'm much more at peace with the decision to go now, I don't have any hope left, and I've chosen a much less violent method. I don't want to keep dragging this out. Still, I'm worried that when the moment comes I'll be just as afraid as I was then.

 

[FuneralCry]

I would rather spend my last moments alone, but people really shouldn't have to leave this world alone if that is what they wish for. It's disgusting how this society stigmatises something so normal as death and makes it so people have to suffer so much in leaving a world that they never even asked to be apart of in the first place.

After all, continuing to exist could only ever be delaying the inevitable anyway, so there really could never be anything wrong with someone deciding to leave at a time of their own choosing and it's irrational to believe that suicide is wrong as to die would solve all problems anyway. But yes, I really hate this horrific, cruel world and it's awful how suicidal people are treated so unfairly, it's like this society punishes people for simply wishing to die.

 

[Lone_Traveler90]

Hi there, I'm sorry to disturb.
I'm new in this site and don't know about it much. May I ask what CTB and PPH is? Thank you so much and sorry again.

CTB -cease to breathe , PPH - peaceful pill handbook

 

[ChocoholicSawako]

CTB -cease to breathe , PPH - peaceful pill handbook

Thank you so much :)
I don't speak English so this site is a lil hard for me to surf hh

 

[LifeCanBeCruel]

I thought CTB meant catch the bus. Maybe it stands for both.

 

[Lone_Traveler90]

I thought CTB meant catch the bus. Maybe it stands for both.

yeah i think catch the bus is more common I am not sure though

 

[MideonNViscera]

I can relate to the sentiment of wanting someone to hold my hand so badly that I once asked my ex girlfriend to do it for me.

 

[Szinuus]

At least we have this forum and can set up goodbye thread where we can remain posting since the end. I dont know other place in internet where suicider could do that without cops getting called in.

 

[Simurgh]

At least we have this forum and can set up goodbye thread where we can remain posting since the end. I dont know other place in internet where suicider could do that without cops getting called in.

True that. It is therapeutic to be able to be open about it and have some company.

 

[stilhavinightmares]

At least we have this forum and can set up goodbye thread where we can remain posting since the end. I dont know other place in internet where suicider could do that without cops getting called in.

That's true. This is the next best thing I guess.

 

[Mlee75]

I wish I could have someone to hold me and comfort me while I go.

I wish I could say my goodbyes to everyone and be seen off gently and warmly.

Instead, I have to do this shameful dirty difficult difficult difficult thing all on my own.

Life was such a painful struggle, it's cruel that death needs to be as well.

Have you tried the partners forum? I don't know how active it is, but I'm sure there are many out there that feel the same way as you. I wish you peace

 

[GettingOut]

It's so upsetting to me how terminally ill people can get their assisted suicide and they also get to be open without feeling guilt, shame or judged by anyone about it. They get to have someone next to them when they pass. But we can't.

This is so true! I always think of the song Seasons in the Sun in this scenario. How I envy someone on his deathbed who reminisces about his life surrounded by loved ones. Here are the lyrics:

Goodbye to you, my trusted friend
We've known each other since we were nine or ten
Together we've climbed hills and trees
Learned of love and ABCs
Skinned our hearts and skinned our knees

Goodbye my friend, it's hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky
Now that the spring is in the air
Pretty girls are everywhere
Think of me and I'll be there

We had joy, we had fun
We had seasons in the sun
But the hills that we climbed
Were just seasons out of time

Goodbye papa, please pray for me
I was the black sheep of the family
You tried to teach me right from wrong
Too much wine and too much song
Wonder how I got along

Goodbye papa, it's hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky
Now that the spring is in the air
Little children everywhere
When you see them, I'll be there

We had joy, we had fun
We had seasons in the sun
But the wine and the song
Like the seasons, have all gone

Goodbye Michelle, my little one
You gave me love and helped me find the sun
And every time that I was down
You would always come around
And get my feet back on the ground

Goodbye Michelle, it's hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky
Now that the spring is in the air
With the flowers everywhere
I wish that we could both be there

We had joy, we had fun
We had seasons in the sun
But the stars we could reach
Were just starfish on the beach

We had joy, we had fun
We had seasons in the sun
But the wine and the song
Like the seasons, have all gone

All our lives we had fun
We had seasons in the sun
But the hills that we climbed
Were just seasons out of time

 

[born2win]

Believe me if I have the means and ways to travel to Ukraine and join their troops I would. Imagine dying heroically along-side your brothers. I'd take in the pain of shrapnel and as such instant vaporization from an artillery for my life in exchange of finding meaning thru sacrifice. My life now is almost over at 27 and soon CTB.

Now imagine the boys fighting in Ukraine they're only aged 21 and over.

 

[ChocoholicSawako]

At least we have this forum and can set up goodbye thread where we can remain posting since the end. I dont know other place in internet where suicider could do that without cops getting called in.

still smt unfortunate- those who choose to jump/ leap are not able to keep posting on their goodbye threads :(
maybe i will be a mem of them one day

 

[Szinuus]

still smt unfortunate- those who choose to jump/ leap are not able to keep posting on their goodbye threads :(
maybe i will be a mem of them one day

I dont think many people from this forum choose jump as their ctb method. I've chosen it and unsucceed - I survived with broken bones and spend a few months in hospital, not being able to do much and in so much of pain.

 

[ChocoholicSawako]

I dont think many people from this forum choose jump as their ctb method. I've chosen it and unsucceed - I survived with broken bones and spend a few months in hospital, not being able to do much and in so much of pain.

Aww...
Hugs
I'm a member of those who want to leap, which is such a small group in here
I hope it doesn't leave bad memory to you :)

 

[SwissSuicideLady]

I can only do it virtually, but I would be there for you until the end

 

[lionetta12]

This is so true! I always think of the song Seasons in the Sun in this scenario. How I envy someone on his deathbed who reminisces about his life surrounded by loved ones. Here are the lyrics:

Goodbye to you, my trusted friend
We've known each other since we were nine or ten
Together we've climbed hills and trees
Learned of love and ABCs
Skinned our hearts and skinned our knees

Goodbye my friend, it's hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky
Now that the spring is in the air
Pretty girls are everywhere
Think of me and I'll be there

We had joy, we had fun
We had seasons in the sun
But the hills that we climbed
Were just seasons out of time

Goodbye papa, please pray for me
I was the black sheep of the family
You tried to teach me right from wrong
Too much wine and too much song
Wonder how I got along

Goodbye papa, it's hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky
Now that the spring is in the air
Little children everywhere
When you see them, I'll be there

We had joy, we had fun
We had seasons in the sun
But the wine and the song
Like the seasons, have all gone

Goodbye Michelle, my little one
You gave me love and helped me find the sun
And every time that I was down
You would always come around
And get my feet back on the ground

Goodbye Michelle, it's hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky
Now that the spring is in the air
With the flowers everywhere
I wish that we could both be there

We had joy, we had fun
We had seasons in the sun
But the stars we could reach
Were just starfish on the beach

We had joy, we had fun
We had seasons in the sun
But the wine and the song
Like the seasons, have all gone

All our lives we had fun
We had seasons in the sun
But the hills that we climbed
Were just seasons out of time

Yeah I love that song, thought about it yesterday.

 

[feels_like_rain]

I wish i could have been with my best friend when she ctb. Realistically, i know it could never have happened that way, but it's always nice to think of what could have gone better. She wouldn't have had to die alone and i could perhaps have more closure.
This is probably just wishful thinking though… i don't think i could have been strong enough.