I will never ever be normal and its so painful realising this

[FireFox]

Rescently a man asked me out and our date was spending the afternoon at two museums. London is a well connected city which makss it easier to get to attractions quickly using the trains.

Hours before our date all morning I was looking at my phone waiting for a text message saying our date is cancelled because in the past guys I asked out always cancelled on me at the last minute. When I was meeting the guy to go the museum I was so shocked he turned up because my mind is conditioned to expect a cancellation.

When we were sitting down on a bench outside. He put his arm around me. My body instantly felt a shock when he touched me and I flinched. I laughed it off. I told him I was just nervous because its something I am not used to having. I wanted him to touch me but physically my body was unable to enjoy it or recopiate the affection he gave me. He is an affectionate man and I have always wanted a man to give me that.

The guy and I we message each other everyday. He says he enjoyed spending time with me and has expressed interest in wanting to hang out again. I know I am attracted to him and love spending time with him but physically mg body can't bring myself to have feelings I feel when I like a man.

I have gone through so much male rejection throughout my entire life I can no longer feel love anymore or open myself up to it. All I feel is in defense mode

 

[EvisceratedJester]

It's probably just because you aren't used it it. It's perfectly normal and it will probably take a while for you to get used to it. Just take your time and let yourself get used to this.

 

[ChainedCrow]

Its good that u had fun on your date if someone is worthy of staying they will give u time for your body to get ready for any form of touch/contact. I dont want to give "advice" because u will know it deep down what u should to do but i would be upfront with him on that psychical touch is too much and even if u want to have such a form of contact u just cant. People who truly love will stay and he sounds like a good man so good luck and much love

 

[Esc9434]

Finally, a good followup story on SS!

About the physical touch, was it warranted? How long were you guys texting before meeting up? Did the flow of the date give way to this light form of intimacy? Depending on your answers to the preceding questions, personally, I wouldn't be trying to touch anyone on the first date.

Anyways OP, keep your guard up, but try to enjoy the ride.

You wanted someone in your life, you deserve this.

 

[User111885]

Rescently a man asked me out and our date was spending the afternoon at two museums. London is a well connected city which makss it easier to get to attractions quickly using the trains.

Hours before our date all morning I was looking at my phone waiting for a text message saying our date is cancelled because in the past guys I asked out always cancelled on me at the last minute. When I was meeting the guy to go the museum I was so shocked he turned up because my mind is conditioned to expect a cancellation.

When we were sitting down on a bench outside. He put his arm around me. My body instantly felt a shock when he touched me and I flinched. I laughed it off. I told him I was just nervous because its something I am not used to having. I wanted him to touch me but physically my body was unable to enjoy it or recopiate the affection he gave me. He is an affectionate man and I have always wanted a man to give me that.

The guy and I we message each other everyday. He says he enjoyed spending time with me and has expressed interest in wanting to hang out again. I know I am attracted to him and love spending time with him but physically mg body can't bring myself to have feelings I feel when I like a man.

I have gone through so much male rejection throughout my entire life I can no longer feel love anymore or open myself up to it. All I feel is in defense mode

I'm a stranger but also your cheerleader. I hope you end up happy.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm like this too. I felt awkward and flinched a bit when my friends (young) son gave me a hug once. I'm just not used to it now. But, it must have been confusing for him. I hope it wasn't hurtful. It's not that I didn't want his affection. More that I felt awkward in myself.

Being an adult, hopefully he will understand that you need some time to relax and trust him. Hopefully in time, you will become more used to it and relax enough to enjoy it. I really hope this is the start of something great for you.

Really though- there's that saying: 'Comparison is the theif of joy'. It's an assumption to think all people are comfortable and happy on first dates and, with being touched. I imagine lots of people in fact struggle- depending on their history.

I think sometimes it's important to figure out why we are uncomfortable. Are they moving too fast? Do they want the physical side of a relationship without it being substantial? Are their intentions the same as ours? It sounds as if he's nice though so, hopefully it's more that you just need time to trust.

I agree with others though, that, if he is serious and respectful, he should understand that you may need some time to adjust.

In certain ways though- you've proved yourself wrong over other things. You insisted that no man would ever be interested in you. This guy clearly is. Now, you've moved on to- yes but now I can't have a 'proper' relationship with him. Hopefully, that will change too- in time. I wonder if you do what I do- put up barriers/ obstructions as to why I'll never be happy or 'normal'. I really hope you can be happy with this guy.

 

[gottacheckout]

Good for you Firefox. You deserve it, just take your time and let him know what you are doing.

 

[FireFox]

It's probably just because you aren't used it it. It's perfectly normal and it will probably take a while for you to get used to it. Just take your time and let yourself get used to this.

@EvisceratedJester Thanks you are right. The guy and I we speak everyday. He makes me laugh a lot, interesting to talk to and he is friendly.

Good for you Firefox. You deserve it, just take your time and let him know what you are doing.

@gottacheckout I realise now I need to be me. I always wished I was more prettier and perfect woman so men would want me but now I realise I needed to be me.

When i stopped looking for guys this guy noticed me. The guy says I am interesting to talk too and fun to hang out with.

We talk everyday, we filrt with each other and I am going to let things happen naturally. It's scary but I am embracing the uncertainty.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

@EvisceratedJester Thanks you are right. The guy and I we speak everyday. He makes me laugh a lot, interesting to talk to and he is friendly.

That's great to hear. He seems like a catch

 

[FireFox]

Finally, a good followup story on SS!

About the physical touch, was it warranted? How long were you guys texting before meeting up? Did the flow of the date give way to this light form of intimacy? Depending on your answers to the preceding questions, personally, I wouldn't be trying to touch anyone on the first date.

Anyways OP, keep your guard up, but try to enjoy the ride.

You wanted someone in your life, you deserve this.

@Esc9434 1) About the physical touch, was it warranted?

I wasnt expecting him to touch me and he did stop when I was feeling uncomfortable. He did respect my boundaries.

2) How long were you guys texting before meeting up?

He attends the same university I attend. We met at a party the university organised and we began texting each other everyday. One Friday we both had nothing to do and he asked me out.

3) Did the flow of the date give way to this light form of intimacy?

We were sitting down on a bench looking at London eye and he put his arm around me. He stroking my arm and back. When his hand was going for my chest then i told him to stop.

He did stop when I felt uncomfortable. It was something I am not used too. He respects my boundaries

He is Italian this might explain his behaviour.

The men ( NOT ALL) like to touch. I have been to Italy the men are quite affectionate. When i was in Venice visting an attraction this Italian old man kissed my hand while ignoring other members of my family. He worked at the attraction.

Men from certain European countries like Italy, Spain, France are quite touchy. Not all but there is a pattern.

 

[FireFox]

That's great to hear. He seems like a catch

@EvisceratedJester My grandmother wants me to date men at work with professional jobs when I graduate and is not very supportive of me seeing men at university. I didn't even tell her I went on a date.

After everything that old man put me through. I am scared to go near another man at work.

The narcissist arsehole drove me to suicide I never want to go near another man at work or even make friends. The day I was humiliated by the man at work and belittled by boss I wanted to hang myself the only thing prevented me was the design of my house. I was sick of not being believed and everyone believing he was the nice guy and constant sabotaging at work. I was losing my mind. The same year I wanted to overdose in the living room weeks before Christmas.

I used to hear all these wonderful stories of how people met their husbands at work I thought that would be me but i ended up meeting a lunatic

I sometimes stll get nightmares over everything that happened.

 

[Wolf Girl]

I was the same way when I started dating around your age. Came from a family that never touched and I have autism. I actually started crying on my second date when he hugged me because the touch made me so emotional. I was embarrassed but he thought it was sweet. So be prepared that you might cry when things get more emotional and intimate. If you do, just tell him you really needed the physical affection and it made you emotional. And feel free message me if you need any advice about intimacy since I was virgin well into my 20s.

 

[Esc9434]

@Esc9434 1) About the physical touch, was it warranted?

I wasnt expecting him to touch me and he did stop when I was feeling uncomfortable. He did respect my boundaries.

2) How long were you guys texting before meeting up?

He attends the same university I attend. We met at a party the university organised and we began texting each other everyday. One Friday we both had nothing to do and he asked me out.

3) Did the flow of the date give way to this light form of intimacy?

We were sitting down on a bench looking at London eye and he put his arm around me. He stroking my arm and back. When his hand was going for my chest then i told him to stop.

He did stop when I felt uncomfortable. It was something I am not used too. He respects my boundaries

He is Italian this might explain his behaviour.

The men ( NOT ALL) like to touch. I have been to Italy the men are quite affectionate. When i was in Venice visting an attraction this Italian old man kissed my hand while ignoring other members of my family. He worked at the attraction.

Men from certain European countries like Italy, Spain, France are quite touchy. Not all but there is a pattern.

I see. I'm glad you are comfortable in establishing your boundaries.

I'm American, so I don't have too much first hand experience with those cultures. However, I could see things being the way you described, LOL.

Good luck!

 

[FireFox]

I was the same way when I started dating around your age. Came from a family that never touched and I have autism. I actually started crying on my second date when he hugged me because the touch made me so emotional. I was embarrassed but he thought it was sweet. So be prepared that you might cry when things get more emotional and intimate. If you do, just tell him you really needed the physical affection and it made you emotional. And feel free message me if you need any advice about intimacy since I was virgin well into my 20s.

@Wolf Girl Thank you so much for sharing

I admit I am worrying about what happens when he touches me again. I wanted him to touch me and my body got overwhelmed with his touch. I have gone through so much rejection I don't see and feel relationships in a normal way the way other people do.

 

[FireFox]

I'm like this too. I felt awkward and flinched a bit when my friends (young) son gave me a hug once. I'm just not used to it now. But, it must have been confusing for him. I hope it wasn't hurtful. It's not that I didn't want his affection. More that I felt awkward in myself.

Being an adult, hopefully he will understand that you need some time to relax and trust him. Hopefully in time, you will become more used to it and relax enough to enjoy it. I really hope this is the start of something great for you.

Really though- there's that saying: 'Comparison is the theif of joy'. It's an assumption to think all people are comfortable and happy on first dates and, with being touched. I imagine lots of people in fact struggle- depending on their history.

I think sometimes it's important to figure out why we are uncomfortable. Are they moving too fast? Do they want the physical side of a relationship without it being substantial? Are their intentions the same as ours? It sounds as if he's nice though so, hopefully it's more that you just need time to trust.

I agree with others though, that, if he is serious and respectful, he should understand that you may need some time to adjust.

In certain ways though- you've proved yourself wrong over other things. You insisted that no man would ever be interested in you. This guy clearly is. Now, you've moved on to- yes but now I can't have a 'proper' relationship with him. Hopefully, that will change too- in time. I wonder if you do what I do- put up barriers/ obstructions as to why I'll never be happy or 'normal'. I really hope you can be happy with this guy.

@Forever Sleep On Friday the guy and I went out again for the 2nd time. We were sitting in a park and I was showing him the views from a particular spot I love to sit at to see Canary Wharf. London has several parks which allow people to see particular London attractions at certain viewpoints this is why London is an awesome city. My dream is to vist New York during Christmas. I love cities so much.

Canary Wharf is Londons Financial district which is home to many banking institutions and retail outlets all in one street. The coropate glass buildings are very beautiful at a distance to see . Think of Canary wharf as a mini Mantthan equivalent.

He put his arm around me again. We did discuss after our 1st date that I wanted him to be gentle the next time he touches me in anyway. On our first date he was full on affectionate which caused me to feel overwhelmed. He did apologise for being full on with the affection on our first date.

When he put his arms around me on Friday he did ask if he was being gentle this time and he was. He was very respectful and understood my feelings

It was fun hanging out with him at the park because i am always doing things by myself. He is always constantly trying to impress me everytime we hang out, he makes me laugh, he cares about my wellbeing when outside and I do catch him staring at me a lot

 

[gottacheckout]

That's great Firefox, you like all of us deserve to be treated with respect

 

[FireFox]

That's great Firefox, you like all of us deserve to be treated with respect

@gottacheckout When he touched me again I cant even even enjoy the affection this man gives me. All I just feel is by body scared and physically preventing myself from enjoying it fully. I want to enjoy it but I cant. I have gone through so much rejection the idea a man can want me i find inconceivable.

When he put his arm around my shoulder I just felt scared even though he was being gentle. I didn't panic and the touching didn't last long because in the park we got interrupted by school children politely asking to sit on the empty bench that was opposite us. I said yes they can.

The man was not happy he muttered something under his breath. It was so awkward.

 

[gottacheckout]

Baby steps Firefox, baby steps. Make sure you let the guy know what is going on with you, not in depth, just that you need to take it slow. If he is the right guy he will understand. You didn't panic so maybe next time let it go a little longer in time.

So it got awkward, and you were ok. That's a step in the right direction.

You did great, you should be proud of yourself

 

[Forever Sleep]

@Forever Sleep On Friday the guy and I went out again for the 2nd time. We were sitting in a park and I was showing him the views from a particular spot I love to sit at to see Canary Wharf. London has several parks which allow people to see particular London attractions at certain viewpoints this is why London is an awesome city. My dream is to vist New York during Christmas. I love cities so much.

Canary Wharf is Londons Financial district which is home to many banking institutions and retail outlets all in one street. The coropate glass buildings are very beautiful at a distance to see . Think of Canary wharf as a mini Mantthan equivalent.

He put his arm around me again. We did discuss after our 1st date that I wanted him to be gentle the next time he touches me in anyway. On our first date he was full on affectionate which caused me to feel overwhelmed. He did apologise for being full on with the affection on our first date.

When he put his arms around me on Friday he did ask if he was being gentle this time and he was. He was very respectful and understood my feelings

It was fun hanging out with him at the park because i am always doing things by myself. He is always constantly trying to impress me everytime we hang out, he makes me laugh, he cares about my wellbeing when outside and I do catch him staring at me a lot

Sounds like it was a lovely day. I'm really pleased for you. It's been a while since I visited London. Greenwich was really cool though.

 

[FireFox]

Sounds like it was a lovely day. I'm really pleased for you. It's been a while since I visited London. Greenwich was really cool though.

@Forever Sleep Things between the guy and I are progressing. He wants to see me again and together we are planning our 3rd vist to a musuem. Last week I showed him the Entrance of the Greenwich Foot Tunnel from the Tower Hamlets side and this is how we ended up in a Greenwich for the day. The Greenwich Foot Tunnel connects London borough of Greenwich and Tower Hamlets. Its a beautiful tunnel under the River Thames.

Only spending time with this guy I finally realise that I needed all those years as single woman to learn to live by myself and discover what I want in life. I have been doing fun things by myself and have had amazing experiences. No matter how much fun I had I still longed for a boyfriend.

I admit always doing fun things by myself I do long to do it with someone else.

When I visted Hyde Park by myself I ate fish and chips in this cafe by the Serpentine river. When I saw other people with their their partners I wished I could for once experience what they have. I had a great day during my first time vist to Hyde park but still that longing was there.

I realise now being single is not for me. Other woman can find happiness being single but I am not these women and never will be. A woman wanting to marry or a woman wanting to be single are both valid lifestyles neither is better than the other. I know single life is not for me because it has brought me years of unenormous unhappiness and I have tired my best to enjoy life as a single woman.

 

[FireFox]

Baby steps Firefox, baby steps. Make sure you let the guy know what is going on with you, not in depth, just that you need to take it slow. If he is the right guy he will understand. You didn't panic so maybe next time let it go a little longer in time.

So it got awkward, and you were ok. That's a step in the right direction.

You did great, you should be proud of yourself

@gottacheckout Things between the guy and I are progressing. He wants to see me again and together we are planning our 3rd vist to a musuem.

All I have ever known is being single and never wanted by any man no matter how I tried to put myself out there. I have tried my best God Knows I have tried to enjoy life as as single woman.

My 20s has been spent doing fun things all by myself and eating meals at places by myself. No matter how much fun I had the longing for a man never went away. It got stronger over the years. I realise now being single is not for me.

Other woman can find happiness being single but I am not these women and never will be. A woman wanting to marry or a woman wanting to be single are both valid lifestyles neither is better than the other. I know single life is not for me because it has brought me years of unenormous unhappiness and I have tired my best to enjoy life as a single woman.

 

[gottacheckout]

It's great that you are learning about yourself. Enjoy your time with this man and know that you deserve to be happy. You also deserve to love and be loved.

On this next date realize when you are starting to feel anxious and try to just breathe slowly. If you need to, let the guy know you are feeling. Mostly just relax and enjoy what is happening.

You got this