I will always be awkward

[unabletocope]

I don't know why I'm so awkward. I never felt totally secure with people. Never quite clicked into with people. As I focus on the epicentre of that feeling now.. I never felt I was in place, I never felt I was clicking with where I was, fitting into where I was. I never figured out how to fit. I tried to fit, I did everything I could to fit. But I couldn't and my inability to fit has fucked up my life. I will never settle down, get the best of life. I'm out of sync with everything, I'm too regarded as embarrassing, my health and potential is gone, you can't repeat the way you grew up and the way I am shattered is at odds with any kind of enthusiasm for life. I don't know how I ended up on a suicide forum but it's an inevitable conclusion for someone who has screwed up like I have, as I fall down to die I feel what is lost and focus on what I am walking towards, despite the wreckage its all I have got now

 

[hollywhite13]

I don't know why I'm so awkward. I never felt totally secure with people. Never quite clicked into with people. As I focus on the epicentre of that feeling now.. I never felt I was in place, I never felt I was clicking with where I was, fitting into where I was. I never figured out how to fit. I tried to fit, I did everything I could to fit. But I couldn't and my inability to fit has fucked up my life. I will never settle down, get the best of life. I'm out of sync with everything, I'm too regarded as embarrassing, my health and potential is gone, you can't repeat the way you grew up and the way I am shattered is at odds with any kind of enthusiasm for life. I don't know how I ended up on a suicide forum but it's an inevitable conclusion for someone who has screwed up like I have, as I fall down to die I feel what is lost and focus on what I am walking towards, despite the wreckage its all I have got now

That's the way most people feel - don't give up on life yet - find what you like to do and help other people. You still have hope.

 

[unabletocope]

That's the way most people feel - don't give up on life yet - find what you like to do and help other people. You still have hope.

No I've lost all hope, I screwed up too hard, I feel nothing now

 

[hollywhite13]

No I've lost all hope, I screwed up too hard, I feel nothing now

Listen hun, I wish I could go back now and have your problems but you will overcome this shit. It's really only until you are round thirty you see this. I had so much social anxiety in my teens and early twenties. Tell me how you have screwed up. I bet I can help you. I'm not minimizing your problems but I can see how you can solve this.

 

[AkaRed]

Yeah no I'm the same. I have always been painfully introverted and I just don't get along with people— I fail every time.

No wonder my life is over.

<3

 

[WhatPowerIs]

Me too. And I don't even want to get better. Fuck life and fuck people.

 

[unabletocope]

Listen hun, I wish I could go back now and have your problems but you will overcome this shit. It's really only until you are round thirty you see this. I had so much social anxiety in my teens and early twenties. Tell me how you have screwed up. I bet I can help you. I'm not minimizing your problems but I can see how you can solve this.

No I won't- too many people think I am mentally ill to an extent that makes me a lost cause, I never want to leave the house again, never want to see people again, if I could kill myself I would do it, I know people are scared of me to some extent, I'm not regarded as a normal person and can never return to some kind of normal state in life, its just what it is and I think I'm at the point where honestly death is preferable

 

[hollywhite13]

I'm not sure what why you describe yourself as mentally ill - give me a run down of everything - I'm not easily shocked- I'd depression, ocd - suffered big time with social anxiety - coming to the conclusion may be a bit autistic so you can talk to me