I feel really horrible. I've been in these depressive cycles for so long that it has hurt the relationships with my friends. I end up saying and doing things that I regret. I'm pretty sure that I've displayed toxic behaviors at times when my mental health got really bad. I love my friends and I hate that they've had to mostly deal with mentally unhealthy me instead of the me that loves going on adventures, acts really silly, can appreciate the beauty in things. I lost one of them and I feel like I've basically lost the other one. What can I do to make up for everything? One of them has let me stay with them for 7 months and I feel so bad about it. Even though my parents place isint very healthy for me I think I want to move back, I don't want to burden them anymore
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Malaria
If I can't be my own, I'd feel better dead
- Feb 24, 2024
- 1,084
I relate to this a lot. As someone who has BPD, my disorder pushes away people I care about the most. And it's hard because all I want is to connect with others.
theboy
Illuminated
- Jul 15, 2022
- 3,416
it's true that sometimes people withdraw when they find out that you have a disease. But you are sure to find new friends
I'm so sorry you can relate to it
it's really painful when that happens, and when it ends up pushing others away. For a long while I've been thinking I might have BPD. I have an intense fear of abandonment when it comes to people I'm close with, I also tend to have a favorite person, and my emotions can get very extreme and hard to handle. I have no idea what my identity is, and sometimes I make really impulsive decisions when my mental health is bad. I also have episodes of dissociation & derealization
Malaria
If I can't be my own, I'd feel better dead
- Feb 24, 2024
- 1,084
It sounds like it. Definitely look into getting evaluated if you can.I'm so sorry you can relate to it it's really painful when that happens, and when it ends up pushing others away. For a long while I've been thinking I might have BPD. I have an intense fear of abandonment when it comes to people I'm close with, I also tend to have a favorite person, and my emotions can get very extreme and hard to handle. I have no idea what my identity is, and sometimes I make really impulsive decisions when my mental health is bad. I also have episodes of dissociation & derealization
