Venting I wasn’t able to pull out of my depressive cycles and it hurt my friends

[soulkitty]

I feel really horrible. I've been in these depressive cycles for so long that it has hurt the relationships with my friends. I end up saying and doing things that I regret. I'm pretty sure that I've displayed toxic behaviors at times when my mental health got really bad. I love my friends and I hate that they've had to mostly deal with mentally unhealthy me instead of the me that loves going on adventures, acts really silly, can appreciate the beauty in things. I lost one of them and I feel like I've basically lost the other one. What can I do to make up for everything? One of them has let me stay with them for 7 months and I feel so bad about it. Even though my parents place isint very healthy for me I think I want to move back, I don't want to burden them anymore

 

[Malaria]

I relate to this a lot. As someone who has BPD, my disorder pushes away people I care about the most. And it's hard because all I want is to connect with others.

 

[theboy]

it's true that sometimes people withdraw when they find out that you have a disease. But you are sure to find new friends

 

[soulkitty]

I relate to this a lot. As someone who has BPD, my disorder pushes away people I care about the most. And it's hard because all I want is to connect with others.

I'm so sorry you can relate to it it's really painful when that happens, and when it ends up pushing others away. For a long while I've been thinking I might have BPD. I have an intense fear of abandonment when it comes to people I'm close with, I also tend to have a favorite person, and my emotions can get very extreme and hard to handle. I have no idea what my identity is, and sometimes I make really impulsive decisions when my mental health is bad. I also have episodes of dissociation & derealization

 

[Malaria]

I'm so sorry you can relate to it it's really painful when that happens, and when it ends up pushing others away. For a long while I've been thinking I might have BPD. I have an intense fear of abandonment when it comes to people I'm close with, I also tend to have a favorite person, and my emotions can get very extreme and hard to handle. I have no idea what my identity is, and sometimes I make really impulsive decisions when my mental health is bad. I also have episodes of dissociation & derealization

It sounds like it. Definitely look into getting evaluated if you can.