I wasn't able to go through with it

[SadTitan]

couldn't bring myself to take the sn, looked at it for about an hour on and off and had scheduled messages to people. I missed school assignments thinking I wasn't going to have to worry about them. I've done nothing to improve my life in the time I was planning and now I'm just here still worthless and useless as more than ever. why was I born a coward?... I just want to move on from this continuation called life. I just want peace. I envy those who were able to push themselves, I wish I had their strength.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I've done nothing to improve my life

How old r u? Especially uni degrees and school degrees are nothing worth to kys. Real life is more than that!!

 

[Linda]

couldn't bring myself to take the sn, looked at it for about an hour on and off and had scheduled messages to people. I missed school assignments thinking I wasn't going to have to worry about them. I've done nothing to improve my life in the time I was planning and now I'm just here still worthless and useless as more than ever. why was I born a coward?... I just want to move on from this continuation called life. I just want peace. I envy those who were able to push themselves, I wish I had their strength.

You're not the first person to back out at the last moment, and you won't be the last. So don't worry about that.
Have a few quiet days to get your thoughts together, before you decide what to do next.
You don't say much about your situation, or why you want to ctb, and I can't look at your previous posts because your profile is set to private. That makes it hard for me to comment constructively. Would you like to share a little more information about yourself and your situation?

 

[Csmith8827]

I just want peace.

I understand this so much and it almost makes me cry. Earlier today while I was lying in bed and dreading the fact that I was going to have to go in to work at my job, I just had the thought "I wish I could sleep forever." Like it'd be so peaceful. No worries or anything anymore. Just like at peace. I understand where you're coming from and I'm sorry you couldn't go through with it. Not really sorry, I guess I'm glad you couldn't go through with it because that means you'll still be alive , I think what I'm really sorry for is that your life has gotten to this point and whatever problems you have or issues aren't fixed. That's what I'm trying to say. When I had SN I couldn't go through with it as well. I don't know exactly why, I guess I was trying to make things better. It just seems so wasteful to commit suicide to an extent. I understand the burden that you feel in being here though and that you just want out. I feel the same. I feel like this is not what I signed up for at all. I've been lied to about what life really was or is and now that I know what it is I just want out of it. I tried to give it back in rather albeit perhaps a rather gruesome fashion but to be honest I felt like that was the appropriate course to take and putting a shotgun in my mouth and pulling the trigger was a true ending for my life and summed up the experience of what my life truly was or had been rather appropriately. It would have been justice against all of the evil that has befallen me.

Anyway. I hope you fix things. Who knows... maybe we'll get our wish and just disappear from existence peacefully somehow. I understand how bad you want it. I do as well.

Maybe we'll find a solution to the predicament we're in.

 

[Unknown21]

Suicide is so hard, don't be hard on yourself, SI is so strong.

 

[yeh it's all gucci]

I can't look at your previous posts because your profile is set to private.

You can look at anyone's previous posts if you click their name and then click messages instead of clicking their name again. No profile is really that private.

 

[Linda]

You can look at anyone's previous posts if you click their name and then click messages instead of clicking their name again. No profile is really that private.

Thanks. That's very helpful.

 

[Csmith8827]

Suicide is so hard, don't be hard on yourself, SI is so strong.

Dude I couldn't even get my gun, like I got completely screwed on my method. The minute I was getting ready to go to Vegas to purchase one like my ID magically disappeared out of my wallet. And I know I didn't lose it. That was years ago but I didn't try to do it again because I needed my ID so I could go to the dispensary. Either really bad luck or some type of a divine sign. I feel like If I could have gotten my hands on a gun maybe I could have gone through with it. I'd be that much closer anyway. The guy said on the phone the day before that I could only get like a long barrel rifle because it was an out of state ID and I could only purchase guns with it that that state allowed or something. But I wanted to get a shotgun. Back in those days I was desperate and crazy and on the streets so I just wanted to GTFO of existence or this Earth or whatever.

TL;DR if you have like a solid method, mindset, drive, and motivation I think it can be done. You might need to be a little crazy as well. I was a non-stop alcoholic so I was pretty numbed out to feelings...