Venting I was happy and loved life

[bruised_reed]

I've been around the site for a few months now but i haven't been able to bear thinking about what has happened and what has brought me here to this point until now.

I never in my life thought I would be here, in this mindset, wanting to die.

I had a family, a spouse and three children. I was high-functioning. I attended church regularly, read my Bible every day, prayed every day.

I was always thinking of my spouse and my children and how to improve our health and to be happy and enjoy life. We had TV shows we watched together as a family. We cooked together. We laughed together. We went through the ups and downs.

Until February.

I can't bear to share anymore right now. It's unbearable to think about.

I'm grateful for this community. Thank you for being here.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

God bless you and I hope your pain eases.

 

[lonely2026]

Being around people who understands your struggles really helps.

Just know life is full of tests.

(Family, Health and wealth are the tests we are likely to face)

The will to live can be low but sometimes we are given a recharge however small to keep on going when we least expect it. That's what happened to me 2 weeks ago anyway. I was ready to order SN but not currently feeling that deep urge anymore although life is still hard. I've stopped ruminating as much which was not good for me.

I hope you reach that recharge. Isolation isn't easy it's the hardest thing ever. It makes you miss what you had in life.

Rooting for you..

 

[mold]

February was around the time my life went to shit too. I understand.

 

[Argo]

Your post makes me wonder what is worse, the deprivation of something one has had, or the deprivation of something one has never had. As you can see I'm an expert at fixating on the negatives in life. Wishing you ease and freedom from stress.

 

[Captain laser]

i dont know if you've ever gone to therapy but if you havent you should try at least once, especially if you feel like you cant talk to anyone about it, if its about urges to CTB they'll only inform others if you have an actual plan.