Help I was Born to be a loner, how can I be happy?

[lost_one]

I truly belive that, I have tried all my life to create conections tu people, and even as a kid I failed miserably (I don't know what is wrong with me, what makes me forgetable, or dislikable). I can't be sure what the future holds for me. But I want to embrace it, accept and embrace being a loner. It's fine to be alone. I am not trying to romaticize it or promote this or incentivise people to isolate. I will try to not isolate, but to accept that my relationships in life are doomed to be ephemeral, conditional and superficial.

I think the feeling is, if being surrounded by friends, and falling in love is beyind reach I want to at least be happy on my own. I want to "write" this story about the girl that was happy despite being alone. The story 12 year old me had always wanted to hear, the story that would have given her solace. if I can't hope for conection, I can at least hope for some peace, some happy.

I guess that is a purpose for my life, even if it's an abstract one.

I will be the loner, the wanderer.

If anyone has any advice on truly getting there, I will gladly appreciate. I know self-love is important, and I hate myself, and I want to work on that, I want to appreciate my own company, and accept, my flaws, my mistakes and my past.

 

[timf]

We are all born helpless, ignorant, and selfish. Depending on the quality of care we get from parents, we usually learn to take care of ourselves, and enough knowledge to be able to get a job and earn a living. The big problem is our intrinsic selfishness. The core problem with the human condition is that we need others and are drawn to them, but our selfishness drives us apart.

Up until 100 years ago people lived out their lives and died in the town where they were born. Large families with an extensive network of friends and relative created a social network that was both confining and reassuring.

Today it is much more difficult to make social connections. However, having few connections is much better than having toxic ones. If you can navigate a neutral state, you are much better off than those trapped in a toxic one. You have the freedom to dabble with social venues experimentally to see what opportunities may present themselves.

There are many ways in a big city to meet others through activities, athletics, church, hobbies, and volunteer work. Even in a small towns there are opportunities to forge friendships with others through whom other relationships might be formed. The key is to be truly interested to others. This is a bridge upon which relationships can be built.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Similar struggle for me, I think meditation is the best bet. Megathread in signature.

 

[waitin2go]

I truly belive that, I have tried all my life to create conections tu people, and even as a kid I failed miserably (I don't know what is wrong with me, what makes me forgetable, or dislikable). I can't be sure what the future holds for me. But I want to embrace it, accept and embrace being a loner. It's fine to be alone. I am not trying to romaticize it or promote this or incentivise people to isolate. I will try to not isolate, but to accept that my relationships in life are doomed to be ephemeral, conditional and superficial.

I think the feeling is, if being surrounded by friends, and falling in love is beyind reach I want to at least be happy on my own. I want to "write" this story about the girl that was happy despite being alone. The story 12 year old me had always wanted to hear, the story that would have given her solace. if I can't hope for conection, I can at least hope for some peace, some happy.

I guess that is a purpose for my life, even if it's an abstract one.

I will be the loner, the wanderer.

If anyone has any advice on truly getting there, I will gladly appreciate. I know self-love is important, and I hate myself, and I want to work on that, I want to appreciate my own company, and accept, my flaws, my mistakes and my past.

If it makes you feel better:

I guess this involves also having people around, but he was also able to keep to himself. There is hope for a middle ground I guess...

(I screenshotted this in June 2021; thanks for reminding me of it too)

 

[Forever Sleep]

I feel comfortable with the loner life. I'm 45 and have lived alone for over 20 years, worked alone also for maybe 10+ in total.

I think I probably wonder if my life could have been happier if I'd found a partner or, made and kept friendships more. Still, it's become more of a vague curiosity now, rather than an unhappy longing for that life. I'm actually pretty content with this aspect of my life. Even weirder- the fear of losing that aspect- eg. having to work around others again makes me horribly anxious/ unhappy.

I suppose for me, I've had enough fairly unpleasant experiences around other people to make me feel like it's better not to be around them! Plus, I've witnessed so many romantic relationships turn sour. It just tends to make me think I'm really not missing out.

It took me quite a while though, to actually make a point of valuing my own freedom and independence. I suppose also, it's worth saying that I've never had a partner so, I don't have any good experiences to miss. I think that is one difference I tend to notice. People my age who are lonely tend to have had relationships and so- have things to miss/ mourn.

I suspect my ideas, especially around romantic relationships are far too fairytale. I doubt I would actually enjoy a lot of aspects of the real thing. I don't look at any couples really and feel envy. More pity really at all the bickering and nagging that seems to go on.

 

[Ashes of a Dreamer]

Oh, you're really not alone with this fear. In my case, it has already become a reality, and it's unbearable sometimes - well, I'm writing on a suicide community. But it doesn't have to, you can feel at peace with your loneliness, changing it to solitude; and there's always the chance to adopt a pet ^.^

Anyway, being a loner is difficult, and there are going to be moments when you feel the pound of not having connections, but it's survivable. So, you can live a good life in this condition as long as you accept the hardships it will inevitably bring, like being an outcast forever.

 

[StupidCat]

I'm a natural loner since I'm sort of an schizoid (I think). I only craved some sort of special romantic connection but I also gave up on that idea.
I recommend becoming self-reliant, that means being able to take care of yourself alone. I got a small business that I run myself and provides for my needs, I don't need people to run it for me and provides me with money and self-worth.
Second is having plenty of interests, solo activities of course, so you always have something to do and be proud of. I'm inclined to art so I usually draw stuff, model 3D things, write poetry and make some music. I don't compare what I do to other's people works, if it's good enough for me that's all that matters.
Third is keeping a healthy body. I struggle to do this myself that's why I decided to take care of a flock of chickens, it keeps me somewhat active during the day. I recommend eating healthy, avoiding too much carbs (unless you do plenty of hard work) and keep regular checks with your physician.
Hope that helps

 

[lost_one]

The thing I struggle the most with is enjoying my own company, is loving myself. I hate myself, I think that make being alone more unbearable. I would love to fall in love, I just can't see it actually happening. And I think it is better that I get over that and be fine alone and then have that pleasent surprise if it ever happens, than spend my life wishing for something I truly belive will never happen...I also need to work on my anger issues.

I hate how much like my father I am. I hate it so much, cause he was an piece of shit and an abusive asshole, but I see those tendencies in me. Anyway thanks for the replies.

 

[StupidCat]

The thing I struggle the most with is enjoying my own company, is loving myself. I hate myself, I think that make being alone more unbearable. I would love to fall in love, I just can't see it actually happening. And I think it is better that I get over that and be fine alone and then have that pleasent surprise if it ever happens, than spend my life wishing for something I truly belive will never happen...I also need to work on my anger issues.

I hate how much like my father I am. I hate it so much, cause he was an piece of shit and an abusive asshole, but I see those tendencies in me. Anyway thanks for the replies.

I'm ambivalent about how I feel about myself, it's like a mutual cease fire or something, since I don't really have other choice than being me. I don't like being me but I don't hate it either, it's the only thing I can be.
I feel that last part, people often say I look like my dad which I totally despise, but at least I don't act like him for the most part. I do resent my dad, but being far away from him made me hate him less.