Help I want to talk with older members ~50 years old things took a turn for the unexpected and I would like some 2nd opinions

[Polka]

No problem. For me, one go at life does not allow one to assimilate all the available lessons.

I'm not religious

Yeah you need to watch out for that. Older than whoredom.

The Bible has a lot to say about religion and all of it bad.
I just think that my cbt'ing will give two people a chance at happiness. And these people are good people.

I am convinced there will be no happiness for me based on analysis of my life. This is the essence of my disclosure.

 

[noctiva]

I've been long thinking about posting here, and boy am I uncomfortable doing it. But I just want to say one thing about the 'throwing yourself out there', online dating discussion, gynocentricism on page 1 of the thread.
I don't know if any of you have read about why I am here. I'm 33, I've lost the love of my life, the guy I've been dating for the last 2 years of my life, and I'd rather be dead than not be with him. He is 49. So please gentlemen (and gentlewomen), do throw yourselves out there.

 

[Jengator]

I'm on here for a different reason- physical illness and pain.
But I did go through a divorce 8 years ago that made me want to die. I accidentally discovered that getting sun for an hour every day and sweating my butt off and changing my diet to super healthy made the pain of losing her more bearable. I also ditched the therapist bevause talking about it only made me worse. I had to ditch alcohol and caffeine and sugar to make it work and I fell in love with the sun and the process of taking care of myself.
It was working until a doctor ruined my life last year with a dangerous antibiotic.

 

[Polka]

In my humble opinion, don't consider ctb for anyone other than yourself. The final act needs to be all about you.

Ok just fixed my laptop with a new keyboard so I can type. Yes this makes sense, it does have to be about me. If there was a cure for depression I would battle on but there is not.

 

[BipolarExpat]

I understand Polka and you did make that clear after I posted.

Best

 

[Polka]

I'

I'd like to believe that, especially if something does come after this existence. These are big lessons learned too late, but wouldn't it be wonderful to think that they would not prove a complete loss. I'm not a believer in an afterlife, although I wish I were. Although the Karmic wheel of life is a terrifying concept, it at least permits for the chance of redemption. It's a pleasant and satisfying dream.

I believe that you have to experience things in order to fully understand them. Even though I hate depression it must have a purpose in the long term.

So when pro lifers give you their shtick it's not their fault because they have never had depression. It's a bit like Solomon and his judgement about the two women and the baby. Solomon understood a womans love for her child and because of that was able judge correctly.

So please gentlemen (and gentlewomen), do throw yourselves out there.

Thanks for the reply and I like the optimism. Nearing 50 I do not have the energy to rebuild. I believe that we all have two batteries within us. One rechargeable and the other not. I think in the case of major depressed people they start life with two low capacity batteries. Then after a while the recharge mechanism burns out and they then start to run on fumes as the non rechargable battery runs out.

But I did go through a divorce 8 years ago that made me want to die.

Thanks for the input but another 7.5 years of this sounds like a bad deal. Plus how would I keep the depression in order if I met someone else? Also where are the decent people not screwed up by $,religion,bitterness, gossip etc?

 

[LegaliseIt!]

My situation does not include a sudden turn for the worse, but I'm in the right age group. Here if you're interested.

Me, too.

 

[NextBusLeaving]

no point when so many women initiate divorce. Online dating/social isolation is another killer.

Im in the same boat at 41. It all sucks.

 

[Deathwish1968]

I am 51 , I spent the last 10 years of my life helping my daughter through her eating disorder and my son through his BDD and anxiety. I am just so tired and I don't want to continue anymore. I have a good husband but not a real relationship as we have drifted apart due to the stress.
I wish I could just end it all and not feel this way anymore.

 

[oopswronglife]

I don't have the energy to rebuild either...and bad surgery stole my life in my 30s so I don't have a safetynet or retirement or anything. Once the savings is totally gone I am fucked even if I can't manage to CTB. My family has abandoned me except for where I am right now and they hate me and are close to joining the others. The predictable cycle of victim blaming and justification. Treating you like you are some scumbag and there is nothing more they can do...when they really just want out of the hinderance of having someone around. If I could get loads of cash I would try to buy a life...but there is no way to do that. But I thus far can't make myself die. My brain refuses to help me out here. I was struck down in the prime of my life...lost everything...and nobody who was supposed to be there for me was. Not systems...not people. I don't want to die but I don't want to be here.

 

[LegaliseIt!]

I am 51 , I spent the last 10 years of my life helping my daughter through her eating disorder and my son through his BDD and anxiety. I am just so tired and I don't want to continue anymore. I have a good husband but not a real relationship as we have drifted apart due to the stress.
I wish I could just end it all and not feel this way anymore.

I can relate to this. I've met all of my obligations, I am exhausted and my long suffering husband is now my "caregiver"

 

[Sweet emotion]

This week I accidentally met her in a supermarket. Because I hate bullshit, when she asked how I was I told her explicitly. She was upset but not rabid pro life. This woman was the best friend I ever had. It's not loosing her that's making me cbt but I wanted to know what others thought about me dying so that she could have a better chance of a happier life with a non depressed geezer.

If she left you for another man which I'm sorry about, but she probably is happier. You dying isn't going to make her happier. It probably will make her very sad. I wouldn't kill myself to make someone else happy. That isn't fair to you. You deserve to be happy too. Don't forget that. But I read that that isn't the only reason you want to die. That your depression isn't cureable. I'm sure you've tried every medication and have been to therapists and shrinks. I'm not in your age bracket but I've been through more than anyone should ever have to go through. So I'm in no way ignorant.

 

[NickStanfield]

I'm 53... I've been through too much, taken too much and I'm tired of the repeated kicks and punches life keeps throwing at me. Every day seems to bring another punch in the gut and my depression and anxiety are just out of control. I just want some rest and some peace.

 

[Pan]

BiPolarExpat has a better hold on this question than I do. All I can say, what little I can still store in my mind, is that I appreciate your ability to give thought to the needs of another person during this phase of your life. I sometimes feel that ability has gotten away from me.

P.S. I like the picture of the doggy as your avatar. Love dogs. Only truly reliable friends I've had are dogs. Not surprising, given the other options.

You've got that right; when my shepherd died something in me died too. Got another dog, but the loss still hurts.

 

[LivingToLong]

I believe that we all have two batteries within us. One rechargeable and the other not. I think in the case of major depressed people they start life with two low capacity batteries. Then after a while the recharge mechanism burns out and they then start to run on fumes as the non rechargable battery runs out.

I like that analogy. At least, it's one that resonates with me.

I don't know what the age demographic on this forum is (though I think the recent survey might help me with that one) but I suspect we older folk do have a different perspective. I wouldn't say it's one of 'been there, done that' because I'm not about to suggest I/we know everything, nor belittle anyone else's experiences, but having been around a while, having gone through shit, it does add an amount of experience. And I think that's what's getting me now.

I am too tired now to bounce back. To follow the analogy, my recharge mechanism feels like it is burning out. Maybe once upon a time, I could get back up and go again but I find, these days, that each episode of 'getting back up' just further drains me. I'm close to the point where I don't want to get back up because I know I will only fall again.

 

[Pan]

I believe that you have to experience things in order to fully understand them. Even though I hate depression it must have a purpose in the long term.

So when pro lifers give you their shtick it's not their fault because they have never had depression. It's a bit like Solomon and his judgement about the two women and the baby. Solomon understood a womans love for her child and because of that was able judge correctly.
You'll live again as you forever. Bad karma is paid for in this life; not the next. No matter what you do or have done in this life, at death you are cleansed to begin anew, whether it be through natural causes or by you own hand.


Thanks for the reply and I like the optimism. Nearing 50 I do not have the energy to rebuild. I believe that we all have two batteries within us. One rechargeable and the other not. I think in the case of major depressed people they start life with two low capacity batteries. Then after a while the recharge mechanism burns out and they then start to run on fumes as the non rechargable battery runs out.

Thanks for the input but another 7.5 years of this sounds like a bad deal. Plus how would I keep the depression in order if I met someone else? Also where are the decent people not screwed up by $,religion,bitterness, gossip etc?

 

[LADY007]

So basically when I cbt and she gets my assets dose that sound crazy/week? She was the best friend I had and just because she has a new man how does that change anything? It just happened she was not looking for it. I am the one with the depression not her and if I can help her to have a good life by ctb'ing then is that crazy?

Not crazy at all. This journey is a VERY individual experience. If you had loving times with her and you would feel good about leaving her something.. that's totally right for you and probably very appreciatiated by her.

 

[wanttheend]

late 60's here and always ready to talk

 

[charlie_z]

late 60's here and always ready to talk

Hi Weathered. I'm sorry for the late response. Ironically, when I'm at my worst, I let everything go and that includes visiting here.

 

[Graytaichi]

You shouldnt even read or consided any suggestion over the forum. We do not encourage or duscourage anyone from relying too much comments. Its your call . Non of the suggestion you should noy even consider.