Venting i want to recover but i don't know how to want to stay alive

[apgpfk]

i want to die so bad. two of my closest friends cut me off cuz i hurt them. i want to recover so i can see them again in the future, but i just cant imagine us being as close as before and it makes me not want to try anymore. i'm scared. i really do want to get better. i don't want to feel like this anymore but i don't know how to. and professional help never worked out for me. i'm too scared to die but i can't find the motivation to push through my depression.

 

[lastexit717@proton.]

My best friends also cut me off , i was devastated , even as they left me i feel like they are good people and dont wish them anything bad , i was lucky enough to find love in another friend of mine i didnt really talk to , belive me , there are people in your contacts that are silent but they are waiting for you to say "Hello" and thats a good snowball to throw downhill .
Please give that a chance i beg you.

 

[nightlygem]

Hey, it's ok. I feel like people haven't said that to you recently. It's ok to be scared and to feel miserable about this. As someone who has BPD, this kind of stuff has pushed me over the edge. But the one thing that you have to remember is that it's ok to feel the things you do. It's ok. Live for yourself, not for others. The goal is to be living your best life in a few years from now, so let this experience pass you by as a reminder to keep moving forward. You got this.

 

[apgpfk]

My best friends also cut me off , i was devastated , even as they left me i feel like they are good people and dont wish them anything bad , i was lucky enough to find love in another friend of mine i didnt really talk to , belive me , there are people in your contacts that are silent but they are waiting for you to say "Hello" and thats a good snowball to throw downhill .
Please give that a chance i beg you.

i hope so. i might try to talk to someone that i met at the start of uni then. thank you.

Hey, it's ok. I feel like people haven't said that to you recently. It's ok to be scared and to feel miserable about this. As someone who has BPD, this kind of stuff has pushed me over the edge. But the one thing that you have to remember is that it's ok to feel the things you do. It's ok. Live for yourself, not for others. The goal is to be living your best life in a few years from now, so let this experience pass you by as a reminder to keep moving forward. You got this.

i cried really hard from this. i appreciate your words so much. it just hits so much different when it comes from someone you dont know. all of my friend groups are interlocked and its hard to feel like there isn't a spy reporting back to the people who cut me out. especially when i saw them share msgs i sent in their dms to eachother.

i guess i just really needed to hear this to keep going. thank you. so so much.