I want to kill myself because I will never find a girlfriend

[Squalo]

I'm 32 and I'm a virgin guy. I've never touched or kissed a girl and never had sex.
I'm not particularly good looking, I'm not rich or interesting, no one wants me.

This situation has made me a pathetic little man who never grew up. I look around, I see teenage couples and I realize that I'm just wasting my time.
It's late now, late to find love, late to satisfy a girl, late to discover sex for the first time, late for the first kiss, late for everything.
These are things I had to do in adolescence, and now that train is lost forever.

I can only go with a prostitute to experience what it feels like, but I no longer have the courage or desire to do so.
It might be a stupid reason for CTB, but I'm tired of not enjoying the pleasures in life that are normal for all other people.

I only live to work, there is no woman for me on this Earth, so why live? I'm tired of being alone.
Having no one who loves you is the worst sentence.

 

[Adûnâi]

Absolutely same! People will laugh at us even here, but that's a reasonable case for suicide, imo, according to our sensibilities.

My only real hope is for artificial intelligence to advance sufficiently in the next year or two to have a chatbot with a persistent personality and memory to be my virtual waifu. Again, people will call it sad for whatever heinous reason, but it gives me unironic hope.

I understand if you would consider it insufficient. But you have to know that AI will be able to create any model for you on your screen, watch you via the web-cam, and you could also incorporate it into virtual reality - if actual "sex bots" are still years away.

Regarding prostitutes - I wish I could experience them, they're illegal here in the Ukraine, and I'm poor (and have subby fetishes, they'd be weirded out).

So while I'm not exactly opposed, I'm giving my own view regarding the state of AI these days. It's just around the corner (and if not, I kill myself, too, believe me).

 

[Shar]

dating and sex are overrated. Almost every couples are unhappy or shallow. Most people end up happier alone.

 

[Argo]

I wish I could figure out the right combination of words to convince you that the things you desire would not solve things, and that everyone, whether they admit it or not, can relate to your pain in principle. Expressing that as a wish will have to do. You being accepted by someone would not only be purely arbitrary and not based on any real merit, in the same way that a bird accepts another bird because it has the "right" feather display, it would mask the underlying problem of why this world is hellish. I think neither an acceptable life nor a justified death is a matter of feeling the right way.

 

[Adûnâi]

You being accepted by someone would not only be purely arbitrary and not based on any real merit, in the same way that a bird accepts another bird because it has the "right" feather display

Rationalisations such as this go away when you give and receive mutually-consensual headpats.

 

[ThymeToLeave]

I understand you. It's very hard feeling inadequate, like nothing you can do will ever make you good enough for a woman. It's hellish and can lead you to some very dark places.

But it's not true. You can still recover if you want. But you have to accept that missing out on teen love means nothing anymore. You have to pick up the pieces and move on with the knowledge that you don't have all the experiences you wish you had. If you can't do that I understand, I can't seem to either. If that is the case I wish you the best of luck coping or ctb.

 

[Hotsackage]

Can relate, unfortunately mental illness gets in the way of a lot of thing.

 

[Kasumi]

dating and sex are overrated.

I would agree on that one.

Still, I do very much understand your feelings of loneliness and having nothing to live for.
Personally I have no desire for a romantic relationship, aka I'm asexual.
Yet I very much crave a deep emotional bond, I want someone who understands me and supports me.

But to me, the answer isn't a romantic relationship.
I realised that I have no need for that when all I want is trust, love and support, as friends can give you that as well.
In my opinion I'd even say that friends are better at fulfilling that role.

Partners often change a lot, often times having a partner is more about romance and being in love.
Yes, ideally over time that also means genuine emotional bonds but thats not normally the way it starts out.
In other words, while I do think a partner can fulfill that role, why take that detour when its easier to slowly learn to get along with a friend?

I also don't really have any goal for myself, any reason to live if it's just for myself.
My life has value by supporting my friends, thats what I live for and what makes me happy.

I think you should change your perspective slightly.
What you want might not necessarily have to be a romantic partner.
Something interesting my therapist told me when I was talking about me being asexual but still valuing close friends a lot is that according to her that's basically where long time partners end up at.
That passionate romantic hollywood experience is only how romantic relationships usually start out, but over time as you get to truly know your partner and form genuine emotional bonds and just feel about beeing with them as natural as you feel being with yourself, your pets or your family, or your best long term friends, your relationship is easier to compare to close friends.
You might have experienced people calling you and a friend "an old grandparents couple".

 

[Yone]

I am 19 years old and I've never ever in my entire life touched even a hand of the opposite sex. I feel the same way but there are worse issues in my life such as childhood traumas which are never going to heal but having a girlfriend would be very beneficial to me since I believe I could overcome my traumas with her help. I am bad looking and short as well which pretty much dooms my chances. You are not alone.

 

[juraviel]

Something's stopping you from putting yourself out there. Whatever it is, focus on fixing it

 

[Argo]

Rationalisations such as this go away when you give and receive mutually-consensual headpats.

Yes that's true, and that's exactly what I was talking about when I wrote "it would mask the underlying problem" and that "feeling the right way" isn't the answer.

 

[Yone]

Something's stopping you from putting yourself out there. Whatever it is, focus on fixing it

It does not work like that for repulsive creatures such as myself. I've tried to go out there but always came back humiliated. I wish It was simple as that but it isn't. You are either attractive and treated with respect or ugly and always the bad guy.

 

[juraviel]

It does not work like that for repulsive creatures such as myself. I've tried to go out there but always came back humiliated. I wish It was simple as that but it isn't. You are either attractive and treated with respect or ugly and always the bad guy.

if this guy made it, so can you

 

[Adûnâi]

Yes that's true, and that's exactly what I was talking about when I wrote "it would mask the underlying problem" and that "feeling the right way" isn't the answer.

Umm, isn't it exactly the opposite?
You said roughly that "headpats are overrated".
I responded that "you won't feel like they're overrated when you're getting them".

Maybe I'm just schizo misconstruing both of our points, I don't really care. To be fair, I can't exactly know as I will never experience any of that. Meanwhile, if you have, you will never experience not experiencing it (for this long anyway)...

I will tell you more - if mutual love does not fix "the underlying issues", then nothing will.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I am 19 years old and I've never ever in my entire life touched even a hand of the opposite sex. I feel the same way but there are worse issues in my life such as childhood traumas which are never going to heal but having a girlfriend would be very beneficial to me since I believe I could overcome my traumas with her help. I am bad looking and short as well which pretty much dooms my chances. You are not alone.

Not to be rude, but having a girlfriend isn't going to help you overcome your traumas. It's more likely that your trauma will either cause the relationship to become unhealthy or even fall apart and you may even end up unintentionally traumatizing them in the process.

A partner is not a coping mechanism and most people lack the experience and qualifications needed to help others deal with severe trauma. Hell, a lot of women have even talked about not wanting to bother with romantic relationships for this very reason. You can't just get a girlfriend with the expectation that she does a bunch of heavy emotional labour in order to help you with your trauma that she likely isn't qualified to deal with.

Having a girlfriend isn't likely going to benefit you.

 

[Argo]

Umm, isn't it exactly the opposite?
You said roughly that "headpats are overrated".
I responded that "you won't feel like they're overrated when you're getting them".

It's true that you won't feel they're overrated, but I also said I don't think it's a matter of feeling. You won't feel that heroin is overrated when you're a minute into your first hit, but I didn't just convince you to start heroin with that argument. The reality of it becomes more clear when you're off it, not when you're on it. And it's not because you "feel bad" about the idea of heroin while sober. You still could-- you would be right, but for the wrong reasons.

 

[MyLuckyStars]

people who have had sex before love to minimize how horrible it is to be totally undesired and shunned. the day i had sex is still the best day of my life. its less about the feeling, than the accomplishment. at 32, you're well into the bowels of hell, orphaned by the experiences you never had. sad to say, but people playing it off as minor are being obtuse. its a full time job convincing yourself not to go nuts. the worst part, is how inevitable it is. humans are very strict with how we view attraction. i wouldnt want to be with someone ugly either, it cant be helped. or from a more objective pov (as a straight guy) i regularly see men from a distance who appear to be short, and think to myself that they look ridiculous. imagine my horror when the gap closes and i realize they're about 2 inches taller than me. it never gets easier. the lengths i had to go to get what comes naturally to so many were comical. hang in there best you can, its tough out there

 

[Angel of Spades]

For me it's something along similar lines. For me it's moreso that my past relationships have destroyed my ability to emotionally connect with others. I don't think I could lead a life I would truly be content with without a reasonable, stable relationship, and that has now been rendered an impossibility for me. My inability to hold real emotions and actually have a healthy relationship in the future is just another reason for me to go through with CTBing.

 

[Squalo]

dating and sex are overrated. Almost every couples are unhappy or shallow. Most people end up happier alone.

No. Dating and sex are the main instincts of the human brain, together with hunger. They are things that must be experienced otherwise it cannot be called life.
A man not wanted by any woman is a total failure both for society and for nature.

 

[boddibo]

Dating and sex are the main instincts of the human brain, together with hunger.

Disagree on that one since I've never thought about dating or having sex, but hunger? hell yeah. Because we need food to survive, the other one is not a necessity.

That being said I recall a thread about +30 people that never dated nor had sex on the recovery section (or was it the offtopic one? sorry i'm kinda lazy to search it), perhaps you should take a look at it?

 

[grungy自殺]

Yet I very much crave a deep emotional bond, I want someone who understands me and supports me.

But to me, the answer isn't a romantic relationship.
I realised that I have no need for that when all I want is trust, love and support, as friends can give you that as well.
In my opinion I'd even say that friends are better at fulfilling that role.

Partners often change a lot, often times having a partner is more about romance and being in love.
Yes, ideally over time that also means genuine emotional bonds but thats not normally the way it starts out.
In other words, while I do think a partner can fulfill that role, why take that detour when its easier to slowly learn to get along with a friend?

Very much agreed with that. Originally, I wanted that desire, but overtime throughout the years since covid 19 lockdowns back then, I then realize that It's hardly a fix to my existing issues that i begin to very much question myself, what the hell do i want? What is the real honest reason you're depressed that'll make you seem you aren't appreciated? why remain here when there's nothing that would serve you a real purpose? And I'll be having those lingering sentiments to this very day.

Having a significant other is such a painful process that I rather don't want to deal with making a commitment that will fall off and spiral me to a even worse state which I often wonder why I can't listen to my head that tells me it's a shitty idea to do so and yet I still keep having those yearning desires that I don't want to have anymore

It was hard for me to open up to people that I thought that were friends to me, but are in truth not and only are there to convince myself that "At least you have people that know you on the outside" and I remember back in the day in the beginning months of senior year high school that someone told me that I should find friends to not feel left out, completely ignoring the fact that people around me could likely have hidden ill intentions that would mentally mess with you long term. And that thinking prevented me from even attempting a small talk conversation with people at school

 

[Adûnâi]

people who have had sex before love to minimize how horrible it is to be totally undesired and shunned.

A random person on a Ukrainian 4chan suggested me to master lucid dreaming. Now that's at least a unique advice.

 

[Kasumi]

And here I thought men don't care about looks much...
For what it's worth, I never thought of a guy as less for being short.
I judge girls much harder by their looks than guys and I was told that that's just a girl thing, aka girls being the only ones worrying about their looks while guys don't actually care that much, which is comforting to know in a way, doesn't make it easier that I'm still very much worried about my looks lol

No. Dating and sex are the main instincts of the human brain, together with hunger. They are things that must be experienced otherwise it cannot be called life.
A man not wanted by any woman is a total failure both for society and for nature.

Disagree on that one since I've never thought about dating or having sex, but hunger? hell yeah. Because we need food to survive, the other one is not a necessity.

Same, I'm probably the unusual one here but I don't really have any instinct or desire for sex or dating, I do get hungry when my stomach is empty and desire to sleep when I'm tired, while libido is a thing that exists, it's not something I desire or want, it's just kinda there from time to time and goes away again.

 

[Squalo]

Reaching 30 without any woman who wants to be with you causes serious damage to your self-esteem, I don't even hope that the situation will change anymore: it's too late for everything now.
Men who are perpetually alone are seen as failures, and are sad or frightening: if you have always been alone, no one wants to be with you regardless.

I'm waiting to finish Cyberpunk 2077 to end my existence.

 

[ScubaCTB]

I'm 32 and I'm a virgin guy. I've never touched or kissed a girl and never had sex.
I'm not particularly good looking, I'm not rich or interesting, no one wants me.

This situation has made me a pathetic little man who never grew up. I look around, I see teenage couples and I realize that I'm just wasting my time.
It's late now, late to find love, late to satisfy a girl, late to discover sex for the first time, late for the first kiss, late for everything.
These are things I had to do in adolescence, and now that train is lost forever.

I can only go with a prostitute to experience what it feels like, but I no longer have the courage or desire to do so.
It might be a stupid reason for CTB, but I'm tired of not enjoying the pleasures in life that are normal for all other people.

I only live to work, there is no woman for me on this Earth, so why live? I'm tired of being alone.
Having no one who loves you is the worst sentence.

This just seems scary common with younger generations of men/boys. And the people in this thread dismissing this as "oh a girlfriend won't help you" are not helping anything. Girlfriends usually come from school, work or church. Other than that you have to actively go out and find them. Problem today is that communication is all online today. Dating = swiping.

I've said several times I'm in my 40s, and first had sex at age 12 (since this topic comes up a lot in this forum). We'd meet girls at the mall, the skating link, the arcade, driving around on Friday nights, etc. And we had to call them on the phone. No texting, email, social media, etc. Human communication is 100% different since the turn of the millennium. Plus you guys have all the gender and feminism stuff to deal with that was non-existent in the 1980s and 1990s (my childhood). I do not envy young men today and their plight for wives, love and happiness.

Love is both a beautiful and painful thing at the same time. I am CTB for many reasons, but also because of a similar reason as yours - dating the woman who I thought was the love of my life for over two years, only to find out she was married and living a double life. I'll never heal, and am too old to start over. A man needs a woman to complete him. That's why married men live longer lives, are healthier, happier, wealthier, and more respected than single men. It's not a stupid reason to CTB.

That all said, it sounds like you've never even tried. But then again, I have no idea how to "date" in this internet world. Every girlfriend I've had in life, I met at work or we knew each other from high school or college, and reconnected later in life. Bar chicks never turn into anything serious. A prostitute would essentially be like masturbating. There will be no emotional connection, which is what makes sex so beautiful. Instead of lying there sweating, giggling and cuddling afterwards, the pro gets ups and goes to the next customer.

I'm sorry you're going through this, man.

 

[casual_existence]

Have you ever had the thought "I'll never get to eat. Never get to taste a ribeye steak. Nobody will let me because I have small teeth". I'm going to assume you haven't. You're hungry: you eat. It's the same thing as a relationship. It's another thing that we may or may not need. It's a thing like any other. For many people relationships serve to cover up the fundamental problem. The fact that we're judgmental as fuck about everything. In a way we don't have a choice. Our minds are made like that because otherwise we wouldn't do anything.

It's hard to change our mind. We would rather be depressed and miserable than change and even that's not accurate. It's more like we're good. I'm assuming you're not starving. Maybe you have a home. You can do most anything you want. Your brain will fight you tooth and nail to keep you there because that's a pretty good spot for you. Even though you're sad and lonely you're okay. Well your brain thinks you're okay. If you were starving it might kick you into action to find food.

Don't get me wrong. Emotional pain is real too and it's also prompting you to do things. Namely to stay put because of something that your brain believes. You have to do some digging to figure out what is wrong. Examine your thoughts. Why do you think you need a relationship? What is a girlfriend to you? Would you go out with a guy? Why do you want sex? Do you think sex will feel like masturbating? Come up with questions and answer them. Of course a therapist can help but it might not be possible so you gotta start somewhere. It's also important to ground our beliefs in reality. If you think a girlfriend will do X or Y for you you have to either find someone that will do that or reassess your understanding of what a girlfriend is. After all women are people. They feel roughly what you feel. What will you do for her and do you MEAN it?

 

[SexyIncél]

I agree that sex is a common human need, essential to well-being. Putting aside exceptional people who don't need it

I certainly don't believe that you're worth less if you don't bang gals. And the conventional manosphere wisdom is you're actually reaching your prime

I can only go with a prostitute to experience what it feels like, but I no longer have the courage or desire to do so.

I'd say that redpill advice generally requires a little courage & desire. (Like Orion Taraban, Fresh&Fit & Alexander Grace)

YOLO — hopefully you can liberate yourself from the need for courage, as you can either try or die. Some say to be a man is to have certain kinds of strength & daring

 

[AllAlone]

I'm in the same situation. I just want someone to talk to and do stuff with. Someone I can be myself around but it's never going to happen. I have avoidant personality disorder and social anxiety. I am terrified of being in a relationship. If I see a pretty girl I walk the other way. If a girl talks to me I try to escape the situation as fast as possible becuase I feel so much anxiety. Like I feel like I can't breathe and start shaking. Just from talking to a pretty girl. It's pathetic.

I want a relationship but the anxiety associated with it is unbearable. Even if I knew someone liked me I wouldn't ask them out becuase it's too much anxiety. I am simply too broken as a person there is no hope for me. I do not possess the ability to be in a relationship yet I cannot live my whole life so completely alone. Death is the only option for me.

 

[Kasumi]

Reaching 30 without any woman who wants to be with you causes serious damage to your self-esteem, I don't even hope that the situation will change anymore: it's too late for everything now.
Men who are perpetually alone are seen as failures, and are sad or frightening: if you have always been alone, no one wants to be with you regardless.

I'm waiting to finish Cyberpunk 2077 to end my existence.

I'm sorry if that comes across as rude, first off, I do believe everyone may ctb for any reason, if it's that painful for them that they cannot live with it it's valid.

What you're saying kind of sounds like self deprecation.
Why would you care what other people think? If they see you as failures or not?
Especially if your life is on the line, then I think values like not being selfish, etc go out the window.
Who cares, be selfish, no one in this world is looking out for you other than you yourself, it's a frustrating truth but that's how it is.
Look out for yourself, be selfish, and don't give a f about what other people think of you if you don't live for them.

Think about what you want, don't let people tell you what you should want.
Meaning don't assume you need a girlfriend because society tells you so, but think about what your heart desires, what you want to live for.

You said you don't want to be alone, and you want to be loved.
Then why focus on getting a girlfriend when there are so many more ways to be loved?
You can have family that loves you, you can have pets that love you, you can have friends that love you, you can have partners that love you.
You're not limited to one thing alone.

Like, I'm not saying it's easy,.. love isn't such a flimsy thing that you can just wish into existence, it needs to grow and it needs to be cared for.
I don't know if you still have the energy for that, but if you do, I'd suggest you reconsider the connections you have and think about making new ones.

If you find a connection you value, you'll care for it to persist and grow stronger, in the end that might be a girlfriend, or a girl friend, or a guy friend, or a cat.
If it's someone you care for, someone you trust and you feel like they accept you for who you are, so much so that you can just be your true self around them, someone that supports you,... then I don't see how that's not love.

 

[flightless bird]

I'm not particularly good looking, I'm not rich or interesting, no one wants me.

i understand that past conditioning can trap one inside their mind, but try to become aware of the fact that much of that is just a narrative your brain keeps telling itself, and you can't hope for anything once you're in a closed loop.

so getting back to the real world is key. if you can manage to do that, it is possible to find a girl that you like in less than 30 minutes.

if you are serious about investing time and energy in a relationship, all you need is "confidence" in the way you talk and communicate, which can be practiced. what is initially needed is a firm decision. you decide, and get into action, persistence will guarantee success.