Help i want to get better

[ilovecats1]

i want to get better but i delay everything or just freeze at everything. i dont even know what im thinking or what im feeling most of the time so i dont know i probably have some mental health issues but because of this its hard for me to even talk about. i always have scenarios in my head even this post or going to a psychiatrist i think about scenarios so much that i feel like ive already done it, i think about having a conversation with my friend for him to just be muted or havent been there for minutes and when i stop talking i sometimes think ive heard them and didnt respond.

doing anything or starting doing anything is really hard because my thoughts are always jumping and interrupting eachother and this is probably the reason for the incomprehensible post. my state changes very fast and very rapidly i could be fine or even scared to die and a few minutes later i attempt. but now im not alone in the house and i dont want to traumatize a 5 year old kid so i cant even attempt so this has led me to thinking a lot more and i believe i might get better if i try rly hard. even going outside for five minutes to get cigarettes or going in the shower takes me like 5-6 hours.

my memory is really bad both short term and long term i cant remember anything i graduated uni a few months ago and thinking back it feels like a few weeks at most. looking at my pictures from before feels like im looking at a different person.

but even if i get diagnosed or smth idk the biggest thing pushing me to suicide is just behind money and government regulations and it still wont fix that. maybe it will make me able to even try but idk…

ive started isolating from my friends lately because of a misunderstanding made my bf hate our friends and i dont even think it was that big of a deal but he gave me an ultimatum for it so after losing those friends that i really like and hurting them by doing this i just stopped talking with my all other friends but i havent really done anything yet im just avoiding it because i want to believe it can all go back to normal and this is really stressing me out as well.

again sorry for the weird formatting but i just wanted to write this somewhere and i dont rly expect anyone to respond but trying wont hurt.

 

[FluffIsJustice]

Some of the things you mentioned reminds me of ADHD and Alexithymia, which is completely a guess, but maybe you'd like to check it out?

 

[ilovecats1]

Some of the things you mentioned reminds me of ADHD and Alexithymia, which is completely a guess, but maybe you'd like to check it out?

is a free government uni appointment a good idea. if its adhd it would make sense not being able to study is the second biggest cause for it because it wouldve meant lessening the impact of my biggest problem.

 

[FluffIsJustice]

I do not know what a free government uni appointment is, but I'd like to mention that ADHD does not have to be 'running around' kind of hyperactivity, it can also me a sort of mental hyperactivity or issues with forgetting. If you have a way to get into contact with a therapist / someone in a related field, I'd recommend doing so just to talk with them. As far as I know, there is medication to help focus, I heard quite a few people say that it helped them. But not all therapists deal with ADHD, maybe there is a sort of info site that would tell you if they can help in that regard? Or they might be able to get you a recommendation / help you join a waiting list.

 

[ilovecats1]

I do not know what a free government uni appointment is, but I'd like to mention that ADHD does not have to be 'running around' kind of hyperactivity, it can also me a sort of mental hyperactivity or issues with forgetting. If you have a way to get into contact with a therapist / someone in a related field, I'd recommend doing so just to talk with them. As far as I know, there is medication to help focus, I heard quite a few people say that it helped them. But not all therapists deal with ADHD, maybe there is a sort of info site that would tell you if they can help in that regard? Or they might be able to get you a recommendation / help you join a waiting list.

its just a psych i can go for free since im a neet and dont have much money and id rather my family not know im dealing with this. im from a not too big of a city in turkey so i doubt there would be a site i can use for that.

 

[FluffIsJustice]

If you are willing to go, why not, is it like one session only? As far as I know, if you do not need your family to help with paying then I don't think they would be informed, but just in case you could ask if they could access the info and if it is possible to make it so they cant (I do not know what the laws are in this regard in turkey). They would notice if you are forced to go for treatment though, so I'd recommend being careful about the topic suicidality (don't know if it's a thing in turkey, but in case it is - if they do not consider you in urgent danger they wont force it). I said site since the uni I study at also has an offer for therapy, but they have an internet site where they mention what they can and what they can't do. Also, there is info about the system for therapy in the resources, if you have never gone before that might help you to better understand what to expect,

 

[ilovecats1]

If you are willing to go, why not, is it like one session only? As far as I know, if you do not need your family to help with paying then I don't think they would be informed, but just in case you could ask if they could access the info and if it is possible to make it so they cant (I do not know what the laws are in this regard in turkey). They would notice if you are forced to go for treatment though, so I'd recommend being careful about the topic suicidality (don't know if it's a thing in turkey, but in case it is - if they do not consider you in urgent danger they wont force it). I said site since the uni I study at also has an offer for therapy, but they have an internet site where they mention what they can and what they can't do. Also, there is info about the system for therapy in the resources, if you have never gone before that might help you to better understand what to expect,

its not just one session the appointments afterwards are like a month away from each other all free. but also my sister kinda noticed i wasnt rly sleeping and asked me if im stressed and offered to pay for a private one but they dont know any psychiatrists here and i have to do research and bring it up again. the problem is i have to find a psych that doesnt have a problem dealing with trans people.

also i honestly dont care if i get in a ward or smth honestly would be a break from everything imo but unless i get hospitalized over an attempt i dont think they will so ill just be honest for once in my life.

 

[FluffIsJustice]

In regards to therapy, I'm surprised that (not) being trans would cause any sort of difference, but that might also come from my lack of knowledge. Some info that might (or might not) help you: I personally have been to 2 therapists before. The first one was assigned by the hospital after months of waiting, but it didn't take long for me to realize that that one was doing the wrong job (I only found out later that they were quite (in?)famous as the worst therapist the hospital had to offer). The second time around, I didnt want to end up with the same person again so we researched (one of my family members helped me as I lack connections and time, was busy with examens from uni) and I went to the one with the best reputation we could find (waited quite a while too). Personally, I found the advice too typical (one example - a regular schedule, how many times did I already hear about that? If that worked / helped, I wouldn't have seeked out a therapist in the first place - why waste money and time?) and the therapist was overly interested in other peoples affairs I sometimes brought up for context due to their own personal issues (which I found ... unprofessional?).

Point of the matter, I'd still recommend trying, especially if it is for free - who knows, maybe they'll find at least one issue and help improve it, which would make life easier. If the therapist is bad, you can request for another one. And, for example, even with my bad first therapist I still learned some things and made some progress (all the while they were telling me that I was normal and didn't need therapy, making me think 'are you sure about that'?).