Help i want to get better

[ilovecats1]

i want to get better but i delay everything or just freeze at everything. i dont even know what im thinking or what im feeling most of the time so i dont know i probably have some mental health issues but because of this its hard for me to even talk about. i always have scenarios in my head even this post or going to a psychiatrist i think about scenarios so much that i feel like ive already done it, i think about having a conversation with my friend for him to just be muted or havent been there for minutes and when i stop talking i sometimes think ive heard them and didnt respond.

doing anything or starting doing anything is really hard because my thoughts are always jumping and interrupting eachother and this is probably the reason for the incomprehensible post. my state changes very fast and very rapidly i could be fine or even scared to die and a few minutes later i attempt. but now im not alone in the house and i dont want to traumatize a 5 year old kid so i cant even attempt so this has led me to thinking a lot more and i believe i might get better if i try rly hard. even going outside for five minutes to get cigarettes or going in the shower takes me like 5-6 hours.

my memory is really bad both short term and long term i cant remember anything i graduated uni a few months ago and thinking back it feels like a few weeks at most. looking at my pictures from before feels like im looking at a different person.

but even if i get diagnosed or smth idk the biggest thing pushing me to suicide is just behind money and government regulations and it still wont fix that. maybe it will make me able to even try but idk…

ive started isolating from my friends lately because of a misunderstanding made my bf hate our friends and i dont even think it was that big of a deal but he gave me an ultimatum for it so after losing those friends that i really like and hurting them by doing this i just stopped talking with my all other friends but i havent really done anything yet im just avoiding it because i want to believe it can all go back to normal and this is really stressing me out as well.

again sorry for the weird formatting but i just wanted to write this somewhere and i dont rly expect anyone to respond but trying wont hurt.

 

[FluffIsJustice]

Some of the things you mentioned reminds me of ADHD and Alexithymia, which is completely a guess, but maybe you'd like to check it out?

 

[ilovecats1]

Some of the things you mentioned reminds me of ADHD and Alexithymia, which is completely a guess, but maybe you'd like to check it out?

is a free government uni appointment a good idea. if its adhd it would make sense not being able to study is the second biggest cause for it because it wouldve meant lessening the impact of my biggest problem.

 

[FluffIsJustice]

I do not know what a free government uni appointment is, but I'd like to mention that ADHD does not have to be 'running around' kind of hyperactivity, it can also me a sort of mental hyperactivity or issues with forgetting. If you have a way to get into contact with a therapist / someone in a related field, I'd recommend doing so just to talk with them. As far as I know, there is medication to help focus, I heard quite a few people say that it helped them. But not all therapists deal with ADHD, maybe there is a sort of info site that would tell you if they can help in that regard? Or they might be able to get you a recommendation / help you join a waiting list.

 

[ilovecats1]

I do not know what a free government uni appointment is, but I'd like to mention that ADHD does not have to be 'running around' kind of hyperactivity, it can also me a sort of mental hyperactivity or issues with forgetting. If you have a way to get into contact with a therapist / someone in a related field, I'd recommend doing so just to talk with them. As far as I know, there is medication to help focus, I heard quite a few people say that it helped them. But not all therapists deal with ADHD, maybe there is a sort of info site that would tell you if they can help in that regard? Or they might be able to get you a recommendation / help you join a waiting list.

its just a psych i can go for free since im a neet and dont have much money and id rather my family not know im dealing with this. im from a not too big of a city in turkey so i doubt there would be a site i can use for that.