Venting life feels so meaningless for me and its been like that for a while now

[uuser1412]

i cant seem to do anything and my psychiatrist wont give me stimulants, it's like groundhog day and im just suffering everyday and i dont know what i am doing wrong, i am going to emdr therapy, im trying my best to stay afloat but i dont know what to do anymore, and im in the same exact position i have been 3 years ago, and i have these avoidance patterns since childhood and i dont know what to do anymore, i am so isolated and ive lived in my fantasies and inside my head for so long im so disillusioned by reality, i hate being human, i feel so ashamed to be human and i dont feel human, i am so dissociated

 

[niki wonoto]

I'm from Indonesia & probably much older than you, but I can deeply relate with your post.

 

[uuser1412]

I'm from Indonesia & probably much older than you, but I can deeply relate with your post.

does it get better, what has to change for me to get better do you know?

 

[Graveyardly]

does it get better, what has to change for me to get better do you know?

Unfortunately in order to change you have to do things that are uncomfortable. If you want things to get better you need the hope that if you put efforts into things you will be rewarded. The problem is that it's not guaranteed that every effort you make or every step you take will make you happier.
Sometimes, often to get out of deep depression, it requires putting in effort doing things like finding hobbies, sport, maybe meditation, focusing on work/study. Those are all generic advice but they do work. You just have to be prepared that you will put in a lot of work and won't be rewarded until 1 or 2 years later. Sometimes faster, sometimes slower.

About the stimulants from psychiatrist, I assume you're in the process of getting diagnosed with adhd. Take it from someone who went through that, DO NOT abuse your medications. Doctors will plainly stop treatment or decide you can't be allowed with certain molecules. I made that mistake and I regret it because I could see that improvements could happen in my life if I stuck faithfully to the meds as prescribed, but my junkie side sadly won.